Parents upsizing - AIBU

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Parents are retired in their 60s. They have a 4 bed detached in a nice area (not south). They sold recently for 680k. They’ve discussed all
sorts about where to move and at one point said they didn’t need the space but now saying they are actually going to upsize as they want more space and so are making an offer on a house 100k more (so 780k).

I know there will be posters saying awful things about me saying this and I do accept that. I know what I’m about to say sounds money grabbing. But… we have two dc and will struggle to pay off our mortgage for many many years despite being in reasonably paid jobs and working hard to progress. I guess it’s easy to say when it’s not actually the situation but I can’t imagine doing this instead of giving the extra 100k to my kids to help them with their homes when we’d paid off our mortgage and didn’t actually need the space in our current home!! Probably being unfair simply because it’s their money and their choice but I just can’t imagine doing that in their position!

We did the same. It's been wonderful having xmas and birthdays with all the DC and partners. And a 21st with 50 people camping in the backyard. We only have one acre but have a few animals. We are already planning on downsizing though as I have a bad knee and just walking to the back of the property is hard.
My in-laws did the same and bought a 5 br place in their late 60's. They haven't had as many visitors as expected. ( We live close enough to visit but don't need to stay the night now). FIL has sadly recently died at 80yo , so MIL is now in this huge property on 3 acres on her own. She is insisting on staying.

@thankgoodnessforpuppies I think you are misunderstanding. I haven’t said all parents can help but the OPs parents can, that’s the relevant bit….

I hope you will remember this when they need help in their old age, when they are less capable.

They are there now & if we didn’t live close it would be impossible to help. It’s really taught me the benefits of staying close & my parents understood the importance of this even though it’s not something they really had to deal with. 3 of my gps died before I was born.

I'm an 'older' MNer and can't imagine not helping out my DC if they needed it. Obviously, it's their money blah, blah, but if one of my adult DC was struggling I'd definitely help them out before moving to a bigger house.

My parents upsized from a 4 bed up north to a 5 bed down south. They wanted more indoor space, less outdoor space and a change of location due to family reasons.

It's not your money. If you want to pay your mortgage off faster then get a better paid job.

It's not your money. If you want to pay your mortgage off faster then get a better paid job

Perhaps we should get this printed on t-shirts in case people are unsure about how to get more money.

Well Op , maybe you should have had only one child, and then perhaps you would have more money to pay your mortage. Or you could have bought a cheaper house or flat. Or worked an extra job in the evenings or weekends. Or maybe got another promotion or more education before you decided to have kids.

I can’t imagine wasting the money that you and your husband have on your social life / holidays / a car / two kids / when you’ve got a big mortgage.

There - see how annoying it is when someone else decides to give their unwanted opinions on how you should live your life ?

Only one needed and asked for help, the last one to buy. We try to be fair to all our DC but sometimes one has needed money when others haven't. Between different university costs, new cars and housing it's probably evened out.

@Icanthinkformyselfthanks you say that but I earn more than either of my parents did and have a professional job which they did not.

You are short sighted if you think that struggling in 2026 means ‘unable to imagine providing for ourselves’ in the context in which you’ve said that. No we can’t imagine being in their position. Not because of lack of hard work. Because they were very very lucky. If it was me I would want to share that luck with my dc.

I dunno.

I think by all means don’t live your whole life to your kids and grandkids tune…

But if there’s 2 of you in a 4 bed house and you have £100k to spare, I don’t see why your thought wouldn’t be to make your kids’ lives easier. You brought them into the world. And why do you need an even bigger place?!

@D0RA it’s not comparable though is it? We have professional jobs which my parents did not. It was luck for them. If it was me I know I’d share that luck with my dc

Wow.

Your post sounds money grabbing because it is.

I can’t even comprehend this level of entitlement to someone else’s money. And even worse, towards my parents.

They presumably supported you so that you had a good enough education / access to opportunities so as to secure good jobs which mean you are now home owners and can afford 2 DC.

I honestly cannot understand why you are thinking the way you are. It’s beyond grabby. My parents paid their mortgage off and I need to work to pay off mine!

Mind blown.

Sorry but you are being very unreasonable. Your parents are not cash cows for you.

Plus, at some point, the value of the new house will be passed to you and your sister. Until they die I would actively be encouraging them to spend their hard earned cash on what ever makes them happy.

Count yourself fortunate they aren’t spending it all on holidays which will not be passed down to you

My parents gifted nothing and we saved like maniacs.

You seem very entitled, sorry.

You're an adult, an equal now. Why would it cross their mind to support you?

@Kidsrold if you take my parents, they came to England with nothing to look for work, my mum first moved abroad to another country at 17 (she left school at 14 to work as her parents couldn’t afford to support her).

They got jobs and saved whilst renting. 3 of their parents died when they were in their 20s which meant a small inheritance which they put towards a deposit. They also only managed to get a mortgage because the lending criteria was so much more relaxed and of course cheap house prices (bought in a then rough part of London). You don’t think they were independent?

I also think you're being grabby (and they have already given you 30k!!!!)

They are heading towards the "last chance" in life, last chance to fulfill any dreams etc. I would hate for ny parents to give up on their final dreams just to give me money. You are presumably 30 ish, you have your whole lives, 50+ years to achieve all the things you want to.

I understand how you feel, OP - it's a free country and it's their money, but it isn't the choice I would make in their position

I'd say it's well-known that people currently in their 20s, 30s, and maybe even early 40s haven't had the same opportunities to save as their parents and grandparents did

Not on Mns! 😆

Or maybe the 24% of us who agree realise how different times are now from the OP's parents time and how incredibly difficult it is for following generations to get on the market ladder, stay on it and dreaming of paying off our mortgage before we die. I feel like most people know full well that hard work doesn't provide you with any financial and housing security anymore, and most would do everything they can to help their kids and grandkids as much as they can. So to realise that some parents/grandparents don't think that way at all can create a bit of a rift in values I think. It's not money grabbing really (the OP isn't actively trying to get money off her parents, is she?).

My (older Gen X) parents worked hard, but the hard work only paid off to the extent that it did because they were in the right place at the right time. Had they been born fifteen years later they would have had totally different lives and made much less money.

And the £30K they gave you for your deposit (which is so much more than most people get) isn’t ‘sharing’ that luck? You’re not satisfied, as they have had the audacity to continue to spend their money on themselves and things they want, as opposed to just handing over anything you consider spare?

I genuinely don’t understand how a person becomes the way you are. My parents are wealthy and DH’s are even moreso. We had lovely childhoods, they currently give us very nice gifts and there’s probably going to be a solid inheritance (hopefully not for a really long time). However, their money is their money. I can’t imagine looking at something nice that DF had bought himself and being indignant that he hadn’t given me the money instead. It’s such a strange and entitled way to live your life.

They have given you £30k already...😑.

Does their happiness get factored in at all?

I would be delighted for my parents - and look forward to staying over with the children.

My parents are nearly 70 and recently upsized they brought a much larger house in a lovely village whole house needed renovating from top to bottom they absolutely love it and are so much happier they’ve nearly done up every room in the house just finishing the kitchen diner they have had a great set of tradesmen doing most of the work and theyve done painting etc they are both fit and healthy and hope to have a good 15 years or more there and by having such a bigger downstairs they could just live downstairs if needed when they get older. I think it’s amazing wouldn’t expect them to give me and my husband the money they worked so hard for just glad they are really happy and going to really enjoy retirement

My parents did this. It's because they hate spending time with each other and a bigger house gives the separate spaces. Could that be the reason?