AIBU not to attend brother-in-law’s wedding 500 miles away due to cost and lack of relationship with them?

[SunnyEgg123]

Brother in law is getting married in the summer. The wedding is being held 500miles away from where we live and will cost approximately £1000 for the weekend away to attend (summer weekend in expensive area). We will have to take our young toddler to the wedding as they want them to attend for family photos etc. We are not part of the wedding party - my husband is not best man etc, we are guests at the full day though. It will be a very long weekend for the toddler and not particularly enjoyable for them. In laws are useless with them so no support there.

We barely see this brother despite living in the same city as him. Husband does not have a close relationship with him. Him and his future wife make no effort to see our child (have seem them maybe 3 times in 18months and only at other family obligations) and didn't attend their 1st birthday etc despite it being important to us.

This weekend away is barely affordable. We do not have a spare £1000 to attend a wedding for 2 days. I do not feel we should be obligated to go when we are not friends. We would not go to the wedding of someone else that makes so little effort in our lives.

Husband feels we are in a tricky position. He agrees that it's very disappointing the lack of effort they make to see us or our child but that it will cause a lot of family upset if he does not attend. He was initially in agreement we should not go but now feels fearful of the fallout.

AIBU to decide not to attend this wedding for the reasons above.

I suppose it depends really. I was never close close (if you know what I mean) to my brother, although there was no animosity at all. And my husband was the same with his brother. I honestly wouldn't have expected either of them to be regular visitors. Grandparents, yes, but not brothers particularly. And at the risk of sounding sexist, I think perhaps sisters might be more inclined to want to see a baby/toddler. Maybe it would be different if the brothers also had young children so the counsins could play together, but just like the OP's BIL, they didn't have kids.

I would politely decline. It's a lot of money and could be better spent on something you'd enjoy. Weddings are about the cementing of a relationship and not a burden for others unless its something you would absolutely love.

Just be honest "due to costs we will not be able to attend." "Its out of our budget and not financially viable." Don't explain any further than that.

Having read the OPs responses. I think the whole thing sounds like a massive PITA .
If someone is going to have a wedding in a remote / difficult to access location then they must realise some guests will not be able to get there easily without spending a fortune .
If a wedding is held some distance away BUT there are reasonably priced flights or train tickets and a number of less expensive hotels then it’d be easier for guests to go .
I had my wedding nearer where most of our relatives lived , only a few had to travel further.
Even then it was an easily accessible location with numerous hotels to choose from for different budgets .

Absolutely bloody not! Aside from costs, I wouldn’t want my baby on the roads for 500 miles for the risk element, not to mention how awful it would be for the baby, even with lots of breaks. No thanks! Tell them we simply cannot afford it. Nobody can be angry with you or your DH if you don’t have the money! I think if the wedding was 100/200 miles away then yes it would cause a rift to not go, but I’m pretty sure everyone would understand you not being able to afford £1k+ along with dragging a baby 500 miles, given that this is essentially a destination wedding. If they were getting married in New Zealand and some family members couldn’t afford it, I’m pretty sure they’d understand!

Stay at a B&B …

• Budget/Mid-range (£60–£110/night): Small guesthouses or private rooms in very remote locations …

Amazing that you know how much this will cost without knowing the location or dates. It thought Mystic Meg was dead!

Too many posters not bothering to read the OP's updates.

Why do people always feel guilty about not doing something you don't want to do. No one should have to do anything they don't want to. Tell DH to grow a pair and tell them you are not going. End of. What they gonna do ??????????????