Male colleague keeps barging me and making comments about my appearance

[grumpyatwork]

I started my job at the same time as this colleague. He is in his late teens, and to put it bluntly he is an awful worker. He spends most of his time in the toilet on his phone, and whenever he’s pulled up about this he gets incredibly stroppy.

In the last few days I’ve taken over a lot of his work. I don’t mind, it makes everything easier.

but in the last few days he’s picked up on this and he keeps going out of his way to barge into me. He shoulder barged me yesterday when walking past me, despite me having enough room behind me for him to not do that. Today he saw I was behind him and rolled his chair backwards to bump into me.

he also keeps making snide comments about my appearance - hair colour, weight, etc.

I think this is all related to the fact I’m getting praise for getting his work done, but AIBU to raise it?

Exactly this. Completely pointless thread

Totally aside from anything else, this is sexual harassment. He wouldn't do it to a man.

😅 of course read it (and understood that she both hadn't reported it and would he resistant to reporting it).

My obviously pointed question was to highlight that the most obvious course of action to take would be... reporting it.

It's unfortunate for you that you didn't understand that.

Keep a diary listing every incident. A contemporaneous record carries a lot of weight if the matter should escalate

Report him for physical assault and verbal harassment.
It sounds like your company will be begging for a reason to sack him anyway.

Note down every instance of when he does something, no matter how small. It may escalate and you need to be prepared. Keep dates, times and a description of what happened. If he's deliberately bumping into you, it is assault, and if your employer wants him to go, this will make it easier to get rid of him.

If it was me id totally call him on it the next time he does it. His behaviour and attitude are shocking and im surprised he hasn’t been sacked. If this has gone unnoticed by management please do speak up for yourself and stop him in his tracks. It’s totally unacceptable and he needs to grow up, learn some manners and how to behave like an adult.

Actually it's unfortunate for you that you didn't understand my obviously deliberately disingenuous response to your disingenuous question about whether the OP had reported the issue.

If you're so deft at assimilating and analysing the OP's situation why not just recommend she report it, or offer some other useful advice, rather than asking "obviously pointed" questions and feeling smug at your own cleverness?

Please stop telling OP to report to HR FFS!

It’s the line manager it needs to be reported too, as they are the ones responsible for MANAGING this person, investigating and then running the discipline process. HR are there to ‘support’ the manager to do this. HR are not there to do the managers job on their behalf. MANAGERS are paid to MANAGE.

Right, now I have got that off my chest - OP you need to write everything down - dates, times, what he said, what he did, if he hurt you when he barged you. Get as much detail in writing as possible. You then E-mail it to your manager and ask for a meeting. As others have said, this is assault and he should not be getting away with this.

You could copy in HR, so they can support the manager through the process.

Either that or just give the little shit and f**king good punch in the face 😂 Just don’t get caught!

It's his first job

He doesn't do the work and instead spends his time in the toilet on his phone

You do his work, at the request of higher-ups

He asks you to do even more of his work, and physically and verbally abuses you when you refuse

You have a duty to yourself, your workplace and the useless young man to put a stop to this.

"James, if you make one more offensive comment to me, or 'accidentally' barge into me one more time your feet will not touch the ground. I am reporting your current behaviour to HR and am telling you straight not to speak to me again. I appreciate that this is your first job so I'm making it really clear to you that your behaviour is absolutely unacceptable. Hope you've understood'.

And walk away and report him. You can tell them you've raised it with him and that you expect them to make sure he understands it is not acceptable.

If you wont report it then have a set response.

"Did you mean that to be rude"
"That was a nasty comment"

If he barges you then you say in loud voice "stop touching me"

Personally if he did this to me, and there were other people around, I would say in a loud voice 'John, I know this is your first job, therefore you may not realise that shoulder barging someone in the work place, or deliberately running into them with your chair, is classed as assault, this is not the first time you've done this to me, but let it be the last, or I WILL report it to HR (or boss, whichever is most appropriate in your set up). Or, if his next attack is name calling, or insulting you, making sexist comments, etc., then say, 'bullying in the work place is not acceptable John, you may not realise that because this is your first job, but it is a dismissible offence, so pack it in now, or I will report your behaviour to HR along with the fact that you've also shoulder barged me, and deliberately run into me whilst pretending you need to move your chair.

However, the right thing to do, as so many have already told you, is to go straight to your line manager or HR and report. Either way though, you really DO need to do something to put a stop to this disgusting behaviour.

Thank you so much for paras 1 and 2. I feel I have got that off my chest too by proxy.

No, this is serious harassment and physical violence, once is enough. Write down everything he's done, when and where and keep a detailed record. Report him to your line manager and to HR immediately. I'm so sorry this disgusting man is abusing you like this, it must stop.

Speak to your line manager and someone who works in the same office as you, ask them to keep eye on the situation to see if they witness his behaviour,

personally I’d call him out each and every time.

did you mean to barge into me?
are you always so rude?
did you mean to say that out loud?
what a weird thing to say? etc etc.

The process of firing someone who has assaulted a colleague would take about 30 seconds. Yabvvu to put up with this at all. The second he shoulder barged me I'd be demanding his instant dismissal or the police would be called. You aren't helping him learn any life lessons by being a doormat. His behaviour is outrageous.

You are enabling him to act like a twat, you are allowing him to assault you. Stop making excuses for this man.

hes going into the armed forces which I think will really wake him up - I don’t think he’ll succeed there.

Or they will slap some sense in him, which didn't happen at his first job? I predict a rude awakening

If you have so little care for yourself, @grumpyatwork, try imagining if it was your daughter coming to you with this. What would you say to her?

Stop making excuses for him. And yourself.

Butsukari. Started in Japan, has been taken up by wider incel culture. Women have had bones broken and even been killed by being pushed under buses/trains.

It's both gross misconduct and criminal assault, and he needs to be stopped before he escalates. Report.

www.tokyoweekender.com/japan-life/news-and-opinion/butsukari-otoko-japans-bumping-men/

Only read the first 2 pages and my blood is boiling. Report the fucking vile little entitled incel.

This may sound harsh but stop being a doormat and report his behaviour straight away. Physically barging into a colleague is likely gross misconduct and he should be escorted straight off the premises.

Just like I say to my kids about school bullies. He's doing it to YOU because he knows you're an easy target and aren't going to do jack shit about it. You need to make it very unpleasant for him NOW and every time he tries it. Noise. Manager. Anything is better than the nothing you are doing.

Er, what? He’s committing assault! This isn’t remotely ok.

Report to HR and the police if they don’t act. He sounds violent and dangerous.

You should be aware that if he hurts you at work, your workplace is liable and you can sue them if they don’t act to protect you.