Male colleague keeps barging me and making comments about my appearance

[grumpyatwork]

I started my job at the same time as this colleague. He is in his late teens, and to put it bluntly he is an awful worker. He spends most of his time in the toilet on his phone, and whenever he’s pulled up about this he gets incredibly stroppy.

In the last few days I’ve taken over a lot of his work. I don’t mind, it makes everything easier.

but in the last few days he’s picked up on this and he keeps going out of his way to barge into me. He shoulder barged me yesterday when walking past me, despite me having enough room behind me for him to not do that. Today he saw I was behind him and rolled his chair backwards to bump into me.

he also keeps making snide comments about my appearance - hair colour, weight, etc.

I think this is all related to the fact I’m getting praise for getting his work done, but AIBU to raise it?

Let’s face it….i doubt he’d do this to a male colleague….its because you’re an older woman. This needs calling out Immediately.

Is he someone’s nephew? Why hasn’t the little bellend been sacked?

I hope it’s the Army he’s joining and his instructors give him a particularly hard time with lots of public humiliation.

Seriously though, I would make a written note of all the incidents both physical and verbal, dates, times and raise it immediately. It’s likely he will be let go now, rather than you having to ensure this until he gets through the forces recruitment process, which may takes months and months and he may not make it anyway.

Another day, another martyr .

You really do need to raise it with HR or your managers. Physical harassment like this is unacceptable on any level. It's not "tattling", overstepping or being weak or inappropriate. In its own way, you are also doing HIM a disservice by letting him get away with it - he will get the message that this is an OK way to behave and it's best for everyone, including him, if he learns this lesson at the beginning of his career, before he goes on to do worse, at your company or elsewhere. Any reference he gets for future jobs (including, maybe even especially the military) needs to be accurate too, and if he is a liability or a danger to colleagues then future employers may need to know about that.

Can you go back to the managers who assigned you his work for a discreet chat? You could say something like:

"Chris, thank you for assigning me XYZ project and the ABC task, I'm enjoying working on them. However, unfortunately, since I've started working on them, in the last few days Jon seems to have picked up on this and has begun going deliberately out of his way to barge into me or strike me. He shoulder barged me yesterday when walking past me, despite me having enough room behind me for him to not do that. Today he saw I was behind him and purposely rolled his chair backwards to bump into me. He also keeps making snide comments about my appearance - hair colour, weight, etc.

I'm finding this very uncomfortable and I would appreciate your advice in how we can manage this. I know that Jon is possibly only going to be with us for a few months longer, but his behaviour is becoming distracting and a real cause for concern. I would be grateful for your support in stopping it so that I can concentrate on my work without having to worry about Jon's intimidation."

Any decent manager (or, frankly, human) would want to know about this, so that it can be reigned in. You say your managers and colleagues praise you for your work and you sound like a good employee, I'm sure they would be sorry to hear that you are being subjected to this behaviour and would want to support you.

It is not being a troublemaker; it's bringing a legitimate concern to managers who have the ability to put a stop to it. They may even appreciate you even more for having the courage to speak up and trust them with your concerns.

Hope things get better for you soon. x

No it wouldn't. Assault of colleagues (and there's an argument this is sexually aggravated as he wouldn't do it to a man) is gross misconduct and he could be sacked tomorrow.

You say he is leaving in a few months. So you might be inclined to do nothing, on the grounds that the problem will go away then. But equally, if you push back and he doesn't like it, that won't create huge problems for you, again because he is leaving soon.

I can see that you are really uncomfortable with assertiveness. I understand, because I used to feel that way too. It's a learned skill, and it doesn't come easily to everyone. You need to practice.

This situation is the perfect opportunity to get some practice in, so you'll be better prepared the next time somebody is nasty to you. There will be a next time. Start adding to your personal toolkit.

As I said, this is a pretty low-stakes situation because your workmate is leaving anyway. See what you can do to improve things now. Have a go. It doesn't matter if your attempt isn't perfect. Once you've said something or done something, think about how that made you feel, and what you might want to do differently next time. This is a learning opportunity.

I actually can't believe you think a man making comments about your weight at work is acceptable.....

You would be completely unreasonable not to raise this. This isn't school, it's a workplace. And I don't buy that it would be hard for your employers to let him go. Getting physical with colleagues is generally instant dismissal anywhere I've worked.

This will escalate if it is not dealt with. Then you will be asked why you didn’t raise it and your answer will be weak!

Or you’ll end up punching the silly little twat in the face and it’ll seem out of the blue, when it’s justified and been a long time coming! 😂

I can’t believe you would put up with this, stop making excuses for him and get a backbone, if not for yourself then for girls/women in the future he does this to, first job or not anyone knows this isn’t how to behave. No wonder men think they can behave like this when it’s not nipped in the bud immediately.

This is utter nonsense. Someone assaults you and you don't immediately report to your manager, HR, potentially the police? It's gross misconduct, and they could and should sack him on the spot. How can you possibly accept this treatment? I think you are being both unreasonable and ridiculous.

Perhaps you could start overacting - eg saying ow really loudly whenever he does anything - draw attention to it. Get others onside, make sure it’s well known and then report if if you feel alone?

Yes. And say loudly "I’ll add that to the list I’m keeping for HR."

You should report his behaviour to your line manager. Log times, dates. Past and any future ones.
You do not come to work to be treated in this way by a colleague. And your manager has a duty of care to ensure you don’t too.

Jesus Christ, the earth I would scorch if a teenage boy did this to me.

OP why are you doing his work?

That's irrelevant. If he's physically making contact with you he needs to be spoken to immediately.
What's he going to do when he can't get his own way next time if he's not challenged? Escalate to fighting?
If he's not doing his job that needs raising too.

Whether he leaves or stays he's not doing what he's there to do. That's increasing other people's workloads. And he's getting paid to do fuck all.

Ok, so let him continue to assault you for the next few months. Be prepared for it to escalate now he knows you're not going to do anything about it.

He's old enough to work

How is he not old enough to know shoving people is wrong?
If a male colleague was taking the piss out of him for being lazy/incompetent, he wouldn't be shoulder barging them or whacking his chair into them.

He knows what he's doing, he needs reporting as if this is what he's doing early on, how much more does it need to escalate before you realise this behaviour is not petty?

Are you in your teens as well? You need to learn that when someone assaults you, you can and should do something about it.

I’m astonished you’re letting him treat you like this! Where are your bollocks, OP? His youth isn’t an excuse to be a cunt!

Um yeah, that's assault. Report the little shit.

Clearly bullying, harassment and assault. Nip it in the bud. Can you imagine if he succeeded in his army career? He would make life so intolerable for any new recruits especially female. He needs to learn that what he is doing is totally unacceptable and you need to get a grip!!