Male colleague keeps barging me and making comments about my appearance

[grumpyatwork]

I started my job at the same time as this colleague. He is in his late teens, and to put it bluntly he is an awful worker. He spends most of his time in the toilet on his phone, and whenever he’s pulled up about this he gets incredibly stroppy.

In the last few days I’ve taken over a lot of his work. I don’t mind, it makes everything easier.

but in the last few days he’s picked up on this and he keeps going out of his way to barge into me. He shoulder barged me yesterday when walking past me, despite me having enough room behind me for him to not do that. Today he saw I was behind him and rolled his chair backwards to bump into me.

he also keeps making snide comments about my appearance - hair colour, weight, etc.

I think this is all related to the fact I’m getting praise for getting his work done, but AIBU to raise it?

CarlaLemarchant · Today 15:57
Report, report, report. But also feel free to draw attention to it if/when it happens again. Find your confidence. “Ben, you’ve just shoulder barged me. It’s not the first time, stop it!” Loudly. And report again.

Came on to say exactly that. Embarrass him in front of everyone. Otherwise, it's your word against his in a complaint.

Report him.

He needs to know.

The way I see it you have 2 choices:

1. Call him out on his behaviour next time it happens. Say “Why did you just push me? It’s not the first time”
2. Report to HR or your line manager. Manager would be the softer route than HR. In any case it needs dealing with, even if you do feel sorry for him it’s better he learns what he’s doing is actually bullying and unacceptable.

Last time someone deliberately bumped into me, I very loudly said said 'Don't bump into me like that' He looked like a berk.

He's young and inexperienced but he needs putting in his place. Report him and hopefully someone will give him a talking to and he can quickly grow up.

If we are at the point where we have to teach young adults that physically assaulting others and making rude comments about someone's appearance at work is not ok. We are even more fucked than I thought.

He is being rude. He knows he is and is doing it on purpose. He deserves to be reported and suffer the hopefully termination level consequences.

I am not sure why you think the firing process would be lengthy. His behaviour would be considered in any reasonable workplace as gross misconduct which would warrant summary dismissal without notice.

I don't think you are aware of how many rights you have as an employee in this situation. Your employer has a legal duty to protect you from harassment and physical assault and provide you with a safe workplace. Your workplace isn't safe with him in it. You are doing him no favours by covering up the consequences of his actions; the sooner he learns that behaviour like this won't be tolerated at work, the better for him.

He's in the real world now. Time for him to grow up and behave himself.
I see bad behaviour all the time in secondary school where kids get away with bad behaviour and attitude. I often wonder how they fare in the workplace. Just like this I imagine. Probably never not got his own way all his life. Gross. Don't confront him. Report him.

It is neither childish nor stooping to his level to report this kind of aggression to HR.

are you afraid you won’t be believed or that he will step up the spite?

Stop doing his work. Call him out loudly for every infringement. Go immediately to your line manager.

He's assaulting you, I wouldn't even want to work with him let alone put up with it. Inform your manger and make a complaint, and tell him if he so much as touches you again you'll report him to the police.

Are people around when he does this? How about loudly saying “did you mean to just barge into me like that/roll your chair into me/comment on my appearance?”

And tell your line manager. Why should some jumped up little idiot treat you like that and get away with it?

Stooping to his level would be doing to him what he's doing to you, or something equally childish/PA. Going to management or HR & going through the correct company procedures isn't stooping to his level at all. Nobody should be behaving the way he is - whatever their age, however long their contract runs for & wherever they're going afterwards. And no employee should be subjected to physical battering or verbal insults.

I've known career military people & you're right, the forces won't want someone this childish & lazy.

Regardless of their age, you need to pull men who are being inappropriate in the workplace. Next time he does something, question him

I had a senior staff member in his late 50’s catch me off guard the other morning - he said that if I show him mine, he’ll show me his’. I had been talking about something work specific when he decided to make the innuendo. I told him it was far too early for that sort of crap. I wish I had said ‘what do you mean exactly by your comment’ but it was literally far too early for that crap and my brain wasn’t working yet

He's assaulting you. It's not childish to report it. This will escalate. No one, young or not thinks it's okay to barge or push people.

Raise it asap.

Its his first job but most people in their first job don't do this.

You do need to report even if he's leaving. I remember having an older lady doing this when I was 18, it was awful, she just decided she disliked me and repeatedly barged me with her chair. Eventually managers couldn't ignore and she was given a warning. He won't last 5 minutes in the army with that attitude (my DH is ex forces) but you do need to document the issue

Then you best report it incase he's back working with you permanently.

That'll be a whole new thread.

It sounds like there’s a big age gap possibly? So in a way you’re treating him like a toddler/10 year old pushing people around in a bad temper. But this is an adult man. How would you feel if you saw him doing the things he does to you to someone his own age or younger? I think you’d make a complaint?

I’ve already posted on another thread about being shoulder barged by a man in the street a few years back - so hard it popped out a rib. If someone did that to me in the workplace I would go full attack mode. Please report this guy so he learns from his actions.

Little bastard needs a life lesson
Report to HR
The fucker needs to realise working life is fuck all like school life.

You think he should be sent into the military with an unblemished record to train alongside young women?

I’d give them all a heads up. Nothing wrong with that. This is gross misconduct territory.

You need to stop doing his work for him. If he leaves you’ll be stuck with it and it will become part of your job. Sometimes you have to let people fail, otherwise they won’t learn, and they won’t improve. You need to write everything down - the barging, the comments, the intimidation- it all matters. I know it’s his first job and it’s painfully obvious, but most people don’t behave like dicks in their first job. Tell your manager he needs more training at the very least. You have your own work to do.

OP - you asked if you would be unreasonable to report him. Everyone, absolutely everyone, is telling you to report him. And you are arguing with them, explaining all the reasons why you don’t want to.

So what was the point of asking the question, if you’ve already made up your mind not to report him?