DP says I'd look younger with hair and make-up, AIBU?

[CurlingChamp]

I’ve been out this evening and was chatting to two much older men (70s/80s) that I’ve known for some time. My age was mentioned along the lines of “well you’re younger than my youngest son, and he’s 44. You’re about 42 aren’t you?”

As a soon to be 48 year old who runs on 4 hours sleep with 2 young children and a full-on job, I was pleased with the compliment…

…until I told my DP, who thought about it and said “just imagine if you did your hair and make-up, you’d look maybe 37”.

How would take that comment from your DP?

I think it depends on your age, I have naturally long lashes but they are light brown so I regularly wear mascara. However, I think much more than that can really age me now (mid 40s).

Silly me forgetting that a man whose other half refuses to glam up adequately has no option but to find a more correctly-decorated alternative.

The poor lambs. After the trauma of having to have a lovely dinner ruined by their partner's bare face it's only fair they should seek solace elsewhere.

Agree , I would say this about myself as well.

I don't really think skin care is in that category though, does anyone think they have to wash their face and put moisturiser on for the world? Surely, like me people are cleaning their faces and then ensuring their face doesn't feel dry.

I have no idea what most people's motivation for skincare regimes is. I don't have one. Some skincare is just about cleansing but a lot is about anti-aging and wrinkle reduction.

Snootiest got nasty and vitriolic awfully quickly. For someone who judges everyone who doesn't conform to her rigid beauty standards, those haven't seemed to bring her much happiness, have they?

"Paint your faces, ladies, or your fella will shag someone with more eyeliner than you..."

What a bloody grim world view, and so shallow. Why I love DP and he loves me are not because of our personal grooming regimes.

As someone who was a full face girl until 3 kids.
No one needs make up. I always tie my hair up as I cant stand it on my face.

Your husband is a dick. No one ever says to men 'oh put some mascara on' or do your nails.

I don't think that it is true as you age I think lots of make up just doesn't work. I was recently asked for ID at a supermarket from a young man shop assistant he was on my about 20, I am mid 40s and he was genuinely shocked, I wasn't wearing any make up. Although, I think it can depend on your colouring, complexion, dress sense etc. I'm blond and will go a bit golden in the sun, I'll n the summer especially, make up looks not as fresh I suppose which at my age I think ages me.

The misogyny is strong here. Blaming women for their partners having an affair. What!

I yes, I definitely go for an SpF one now but i have definitely left the house without it. It's sensory for me though, I absolutely hate tight skin.

On reflection I do buy anti-wrinkle cream now, I suppose it's some kind of internalised misogyny.

This does amuse me as you seem to have missed the several nasty comments to which I was responding!

Perfectly happy thank you. I've never asked DP but I doubt he would even notice if I went out with a bare face and I'm lucky that I've aged really well and there's not a huge difference, I just look more put together with some tinted moisturiser and some eyeliner. My point of view comes from my own high standards and in the exact same way as I panic if I haven't put my pearl studs in 😂 I just feel better if I look vaguely decent.

Anyway back to the poor OP who has seen their thread hijacked with people inferring I'm a disgrace to woman hood, your husband isn't wrong! In light of the information given about small children and 4 hours sleep however, he should possibly have kept his thoughts to himself!

It's because even just in a workplace context, some people have roles and/or status that affect the need for them to look a particular way. Part of that is about power. Not everyone has to play by the same rules. Only about 5% of the people who see my face as part of my work are in a position where their views on my appearance could impact me, so there's no reason for me to play along. Part of it is that appearance is just inherently more important in some work cultures and roles than others.

It does also work the other way, in that a lot of make up might get you judged as much as/more than none. But people still do that, which of course they have every right to do.

As opposed to expressing your misogyny by inferring that those of us who value personal presentation are just brainless simpering bimbos who should scrub our faces and be proud, you mean? Hmmm......

Your DP is a wanker.

Who has said that? All there has been is questioning of why you consider make-up to be an element of personal presentation that it is reasonable to place value you. As opposed to just being clean and tidy. Apparently a made-up face looks "better" than a bare face but that is only one point of view. And doesn't explain why that "betterness" is true for women but not men.

No one has said that. You've wrongly inferred it.

Wheras women who wear make up have said that the partners of those who don't will have an affair.

His testicles would be in the bin.
Not that he'd been anywhere near stupid enough to ever say it. DP/BF is sixteen years older than me & didn't look anywhere near that - probably ten years off his actual age - until he was seriously ill at the end of 2024.

Mention something about penis pumps OP, and see how DP would react to your 'little' suggestion!

Get yourself to tge hairdressers and beauticians ... treat yourself!

Yes, great comment. Good point!

It's a compliment ! acknowledges and agrees with the comment and mentions make-up which everyone knows has a glowing effect for even more youthful look, how can you take that badly? Doesn't suggest you should be wearing it every day, it was just a comment

I've just said, have I not, that the difference is that most men do not look better with make up on whereas most women do? So I personally will use the tool of make up to look better. It's not rocket science to comprehend!

Clean and tidy is fine for taking the kids to pony club or nipping into the next village to buy a sandwich and some lupins like I've just done bare faced 😁 but for work, social occasions and good God even nipping to Waitrose, I'd put a bit more effort in. I'd look ridiculous at a smart party in a full length beaded number with a bare face, for example!

In your opinion! The conversation comes from why it is you think women look "better" in make-up and why that look that you consider better is one that you give a value judgement to. Why do you associate your preferred look with an acceptable level of effort and a bare face as lack of effort rather than a different, but just as valid choice?

Fully dressed up for a fancy party in a full length gown but without make-up would not look ridiculous in the least. It might not be your preferred overall look but that's not the same thing.

In fact you said a bit more than that. You also said you couldn't fathom not doing it, because you pretty much think other women in the workplace without it are scruffy.

If it were just you saying that in your circumstances, make up is a useful and beneficial tool that it makes sense to utilise, some of the responses would've been different. After all, you know your circumstances best. If you think it's to your advantage to wear makeup in work, I'd guess you're right.

And it looks from this post like you do agree there's variation in context here. You obviously feel either that it doesn't matter whether you look to best advantage when going to buy a sandwich, or that what amounts to looking your best is different in that context than it is in Waitrose. So you get the principle.