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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask DH to come back from London as baby and I are unwell?

322 replies

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 19/03/2026 15:23

Wasn’t sure where to put this as have a bit of a dilemma. DH is away for today and tonight for a work thing in London. It is a new job (end of Jan) so he is still making good impression etc and on best behaviour. All was agreed and grandma is staying tonight to help with my 8 week old and almost four year old.

Baby has had her 8 week jabs today and is now very cranky - a lot of crying/ screaming and off her milk. This would be fine if I was on my own but I have a really bad eye infection. It was a stye but has now developed (as of this morning!)into a full infection and doctor has mentioned I would have to go to a and e if not improved after the antibiotics given.

my right side of face is so painful
and I feel really run down. Grandma is staying but she is in her 70s and I would never expect her to do the nights.

im really worried that I won’t be able to cope with my screaming baby in the night who might be a lot worse and the night will be really disturbed. I’m really suffering and need some sleep (we split the nights - I do the lion’s share and he does from 4-6:30 approx).

I have called him to ask him to consider coming back as I need my husband.

what would you do? Aibu to ask? Please be kind in responses, this is a bit of a shit situation and I feel physically very poorly.

OP posts:
AirborneElephant · 19/03/2026 16:35

Glad you’ve made that decision OP. He’ll be home tomorrow, and you can definitely put him on notice that he needs to take over this weekend so you can rest and heal. Obviously if you need to go to hospital that changes everything but you have gran there as well to ensure children are safe and you get the right care if you do go downhill. Really hope the antibiotics kick in soon.

MagicMarkers · 19/03/2026 16:35

You can give Calpol after the jabs.

Basillady · 19/03/2026 16:46

Op, I can sympathise I had orbital cellulitis and 4 nights in hospital it is nasty and so I hope your antibiotics will work which I am sure they will. I think best this is to ask your husband to be on standby then he won’t have to up and leave unless he needs to. I don’t blame you for asking him back with your wee ones and the facial pain must be agony? Make the most of the help you have I hope you will be feeling better soon xxx

Lifestooshort71 · 19/03/2026 16:49

DH is not coming home. I’ve called him to tell him this as I understand how it might look and of course I want him to do well etc.
This is perfect, I always think if you've got to do something you really don't want to....do it with good grace and don't be a whinger - there's no point making him feel bad. Hopefully tonight will be ok for you all and when he gets home it'll be the weekend so can take over. Good luck 👍

ThroughTheRedDoor · 19/03/2026 16:52

Ooof. That sounds rough op. I'd want my husband too. But like everyone's already said, he needs to be there, but ready to get home if things take a turn for the worse.

Can you ice your eye? I think you just need to make a nest somewhere and do the bare minimum in terms of cooking, tidying, childcare and try to rest. Thank god granny's there.

Hope you manage to avoid hospital and feel better soon.

Isobel201 · 19/03/2026 16:57

I know the OP said its his new job, but its not like its his first day. I'm sure if he had to come home for an emergency they won't look upon him unfavourably. But for one night, I'm sure you and Grandma could cope?

BoudiccaRuled · 19/03/2026 16:58

Unless Granny is completely doddery then you'll be surprised how well she will cope when push comes to shove. No, she wouldn't want to regularly look after tiny children on her own, but if you have to go to hospital she'll certainly manage. Just needs to change nappies and keep them fed and watered after all.

Sparklybutold · 19/03/2026 17:04

I know my DH would have come back already in this situation. You risk things getting worse. You need to properly heal as he may be home a lot longer.

usedtobeaylis · 19/03/2026 17:04

YANBU to ask him to come back and he's NBU to not be able to. I feel for you but you'll need to muddle through! Will he facilitate your rest and recovery when he's back?

Vaxtable · 19/03/2026 17:06

I would manage, you have someone coming tonight anyway to help you

its a new job and he needs to make an impression. what would you do if he had travelled abroad? It’s one night

Eenameenadeeka · 19/03/2026 17:12

Id make sure he kept his phone on, as if you need.to get to the hospital he'd need to come back I think, but otherwise muddle through with grandma. Hope you feel better and the drops work!!

JLou08 · 19/03/2026 17:17

I wouldn't ask so soon into a new job. I know it must seem really daunting being responsible for the care of a baby when really unwell but you will get through it. Just rest whenever you can and leave housework that can wait.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 19/03/2026 17:18

Yes. You are an adult perfectly capable of looking after a baby whilst sick. It's one night and you have a second adult in the house.

NotAtMyAge · 19/03/2026 17:19

I'm glad you've come to a sensible arrangement with your DH. Speaking as an almost 80 year-old, I'm sure Grandma can cope with the baby for at least some of the night to give you chance to rest and hopefully sleep. We oldies can be surprisingly tough in an emergency.

I do sympathise because I still remember how hard it was when my DH was regularly away for 10 days at a time at college when our two were 3 and 4 months. There were times I felt desperate because of tiredness or either one of them or me not being well, but we muddled through somehow.

JLou08 · 19/03/2026 17:20

Isobel201 · 19/03/2026 16:57

I know the OP said its his new job, but its not like its his first day. I'm sure if he had to come home for an emergency they won't look upon him unfavourably. But for one night, I'm sure you and Grandma could cope?

I don't think many employers would see his wife, who is being supported by another adult, having an eye infection as an emergency. It would be different if it comes to her having to go to A&E but it isn't at the point of an emergency yet.

Bufftailed · 19/03/2026 17:21

You’ll get through it. It would be over dramatic to get him back for this, especially in a new job

whatwasthatnoise · 19/03/2026 17:22

Oh that sounds so tough. I hope the antibiotics kick in soon, and the cranky baby gets a decent sleep tonight.

How far away is London? A few hours drive/train etc? My DH is currently 2 flights away, with a long overlay, but he's still in the UK! He is due home tomorrow, and my kids are school age, but he couldn't be home sooner if I needed him (not that I expect I would). It's reassuring if he can just jump in the car and be home soon-ish if things are no better by morning for you.

m00rfarm · 19/03/2026 17:23

Of course you were right to contact him and tell him you can deal with it. Honestly, you have two adults and one child - you don't need a third adult. You have a style - may be painful, in which case you may not sleep anyway. It is not like you appear to have to get up for work the next day, so the 70 year old (who I am sure can manage in the night) can certainly look after the baby if you really need to have a sleep during the day.

napody · 19/03/2026 17:24

I think you've done the right thing with your update OP. If you did have to go to hospital Grandma would cope for a few hours while DH gets home. Hope you feel better soon.

Bex071509 · 19/03/2026 17:27

As a lot have said, you already have help so I am inclined to say, crack on with it.
It really is just life when you have children- Mums don’t get days off when poorly I’m afraid.
wishing you better

Willowywisp · 19/03/2026 17:31

You'll be fine. Grandmother in 70s isn't old, if in good health. I guarantee you'll have worse nights than this at some point with kids. As a solo parent, you just have to learn to survive on your own so I know from experience that you can do it.

Moonnstarz · 19/03/2026 17:32

If grandma is anything like my mum who is in her 70s she would be more than capable to help out at night if I asked her.
Talk to her to work out the best way to manage the night, I am sure if you needed her she would be there and take the baby.

Groundhogday2025 · 19/03/2026 17:32

Lots of hugs and sympathy OP. Also poorly over here with a poorly 6 month old who has been crying his little head off almost all day and for two hours solid over night last night. Thankfully the toddler was well enough for nursery today so DH went to work because I did think at 3am after rocking the crying baby for two hours that if the toddler wasn’t going to be well enough for nursery then DH would have to take the day off as I could not have coped with two of them on my own (no wider support) feeling the way I did right then!

I think as you have grandma to help and it’s just this once and you also don’t know yet how the baby will be you need to summon the strength to push through. It’s nearly the weekend. Let yourself be selfish once husband is home and take time out for yourself this weekend. Hand them off to him and make sure you take care of your health too. I’m sure DH is feeling awful already about not being there for you tonight, but he’s supporting your whole family by working so look at it that way. Things would be much worse for you all if he lost his job or fell out of favour with his bosses.

And if baby has a bad night tonight, know that I’m probably also up with my baby having a bad night, and all over the world there are other mums pacing back and forth feeding and rocking at that very moment. That thought usually helps me feel less alone in those difficult hours xxx

sellingrocks · 19/03/2026 17:33

For one night I’d manage (but I’ve been a lone parent since my twins were babies and back to full time work when they were 20 weeks with no parents or anyone to help - not a race to the bottom just that when the chips are down you’ll surprise yourself how strong you are at getting through something like this - we mums are far far stronger than we give ourselves credit for) batten down the hatches break all your previous parenting rules and just try and get though it and then get him to take over at the weekend

OneFlewOverMy · 19/03/2026 17:40

Ybvu.