AIBU to ask DH to come back from London as baby and I are unwell?

[Dinosaurhearmeroar]

Wasn’t sure where to put this as have a bit of a dilemma. DH is away for today and tonight for a work thing in London. It is a new job (end of Jan) so he is still making good impression etc and on best behaviour. All was agreed and grandma is staying tonight to help with my 8 week old and almost four year old.

Baby has had her 8 week jabs today and is now very cranky - a lot of crying/ screaming and off her milk. This would be fine if I was on my own but I have a really bad eye infection. It was a stye but has now developed (as of this morning!)into a full infection and doctor has mentioned I would have to go to a and e if not improved after the antibiotics given.

my right side of face is so painful
and I feel really run down. Grandma is staying but she is in her 70s and I would never expect her to do the nights.

im really worried that I won’t be able to cope with my screaming baby in the night who might be a lot worse and the night will be really disturbed. I’m really suffering and need some sleep (we split the nights - I do the lion’s share and he does from 4-6:30 approx).

I have called him to ask him to consider coming back as I need my husband.

what would you do? Aibu to ask? Please be kind in responses, this is a bit of a shit situation and I feel physically very poorly.

I don’t think it’s a case of op simply not coping. She might have to be hospitalised in which case someone will need to look after the child.

She’s helping me with bedtime as baby is still very tiny and screams if not held. Older child is very lively and rambunctious and often takes ages to go to bed - DH nornally takes baby during this time as baby will scream otherwise (witching hour I think). Grandma is there to hold baby while I do bath and bed with elderly, not to be up in the night.

Could you ask grandma to stay up until 11pm whilst you go to bed as soon as baby is asleep? Say 7/8pm and you ould get a few hours sleep..

I am mid 70s and do three full days of childcare. I know an eighty year old friend who looked after her four year old, very lively grandson for a week whilst the parents went on holiday. Grandma will cope fine.

Get grandma to look after the kids now/early evening and go have a nap so that you are more prepared for the night wakings.

baby will likely settle down from the jabs.

it’s one night & like you say new job so I wouldn’t pressure him to come back. You have support there make sure you use it

Yes - I’m going to do this, a good idea. 👍

As hard as this sounds OP, I don’t think you can ask him to come home in the circumstances

It may be tricky and you might feel rough tomorrow but I think you should try to get through tonight without him. Hoping the antibiotics work.

When my DC were small, my DH worked away a lot, sometimes for months at a time even though we were already overseas, so no family nearby to help when the wheels came off, as they frequently do with kids. It was very tough at times, long nights, horrid illnesses/trips to A&E etc, I’d no choice but to get on with it because that was the only option. As they say, this too shall pass.

Basically, it’s a hell of a lot easier to accept you’re just going to have to suck it up for now, and power through until he’s home tomorrow. Leaving this event because his ‘wife can’t cope’ will be noted, certainly won’t do his career any favours when he’s probably being sized up for the first time. It might also reflect badly on whoever went to bat for him to get the job. My boss would’ve been so cross at me if I’d done anything similar unless it was quite serious, it’d reflect poorly on her that she’d hired someone so flaky.

ETA: the thread moved on a bit since I wrote this but obviously if you end up in hospital on a drip OP, that is completely different to hanging on in there with an eye infection! I truly hope the abx kick in soon and you get some relief and some sleep. There’s nothing more miserable than having something wrong with your eyes, mouth or ears IMO. Good luck!

Might. Might.

Gosh that must have been hard! I am seriously in awe.

i did a post in response to everyone explaining the situation a bit more - chance it might develop into Periocular cellulitis which means hospitalisation. This might not happen but I had a lot of health issues in pregnancy and post (was in hospital for a week as was baby) so I am thinking the worst (i am a fit an healthy 37 year old - just had terrible luck).

DH is not coming home. I’ve called him to tell him this as I understand how it might look and of course I want him to do well etc.

Update - just seen your edited response! Thank you 🙏

I think you’ve just got to crack on with it 🫶. It’s one night, you’re not on your own and yes grandma might be 70 but I bet she can (and will want to) do more than you what you think. Baby will be have calpol and be fine, grandma can hold a baby. Sure your eye is poorly and sure have husband on stand by but all these things haven’t happened yet so just keep thinking positively

Also, sorry I should have said this earlier. I hope you feel masses better soon and good advice from others to ask your mum to be the primary carer so that you can get some sleep and let the medication kick in. Hoping it works and that you feel much brighter before too long.

Hope you all feel better soon op. Fingers crossed baby will start to calm down soon, especially as you can give them Calpol for the jabs.

I would echo what others have said. Ask husband to be aware and contactable should you need hospital. And ask grandma to do late shift so you can get a few hours.

Don’t ask him. You have the sundown scaries and it’s really tough I know but you’ll get through it. Calpol for baby and paracetamol for you and you’ll get through tonight. I understand it’s really scary when you feel really ill and have to look after a baby on top of that

Leave him be. A jab cranky baby and a sore face isn’t a crisis.

Agree with others. You need to push through esp if you’ve got antibiotics which should start acting quickly.

Bloody hell he is away for one night, there are two adults in the house already so no need for a third.

I probably wouldn’t ask no, and would just cope. If it’s an emergency and you have to go in, take baby with you and grandma look after the 4 year old.
Hope you feel better soon.

Or she can wait as it’s almost the weekend! Ridiculous to ask this of him for ONE night whilst you have another adult in the house

Single parents cope all the time, leave him and do it yourself, an eye infection doesn’t stop you looking after children.

Totally this. Sounds shit for you and I hope you feel better soon, but he defo should not be leaving early from a new job.

Op you are really going to have a think about it going forward. Many more such situations will come up like this. At least you have another adult there, many people don’t have this option. It’s almost the weekend, so you can catch up on some rest and recovery then.

I sympathise but suspect you need to get on with it.
Plan for the worst hope for the best, so take any help your gran can give, skip things like bath for the toddler, keep it basic. Is the baby able to have calpol? If so keep that up. Make camp on the couch with the baby and just get through it.
Update your DH, decide how you will get to A&E if you need to go, who will have your toddler (hospital might admit her too if you are breast feeding). At that point I would ask him to come home!
I hope you all feel better soon.

Truthfully , I would crack on ( and would have expected dp to do the same when our dc were small) . It's only one night.