AIBU to ask DH to come back from London as baby and I are unwell?

[Dinosaurhearmeroar]

Wasn’t sure where to put this as have a bit of a dilemma. DH is away for today and tonight for a work thing in London. It is a new job (end of Jan) so he is still making good impression etc and on best behaviour. All was agreed and grandma is staying tonight to help with my 8 week old and almost four year old.

Baby has had her 8 week jabs today and is now very cranky - a lot of crying/ screaming and off her milk. This would be fine if I was on my own but I have a really bad eye infection. It was a stye but has now developed (as of this morning!)into a full infection and doctor has mentioned I would have to go to a and e if not improved after the antibiotics given.

my right side of face is so painful
and I feel really run down. Grandma is staying but she is in her 70s and I would never expect her to do the nights.

im really worried that I won’t be able to cope with my screaming baby in the night who might be a lot worse and the night will be really disturbed. I’m really suffering and need some sleep (we split the nights - I do the lion’s share and he does from 4-6:30 approx).

I have called him to ask him to consider coming back as I need my husband.

what would you do? Aibu to ask? Please be kind in responses, this is a bit of a shit situation and I feel physically very poorly.

Its one night, i’d just struggle through (and did with my chronic illness).

Surely grandma is here to help not just keep you company. 70 is not old. Why can't she helps at night, at least the early morning?

Awful but I’d try to get through the night. If you need to go to hospital in the morning he will have to come back. Hope the baby sleeps for you. Try to nap after toddler asleep

Typical mumsnet... it's just an eye infection that the doctor has advised if antibios don't work will need to go to a and e... but of course typical mumsnetters are just thinking of a little conjunctivitis they've once had and they were FINE.

Go and have a nap now. Or ask your mum if she will either stay up a bit later so you can get a few hours til say midnight or she goes to bed nice and early and is happy to get up at say 6ish so you can have a few hours in the morning.

She can't be expected to get up in the night but I'm sure she can support you to get some rest in other ways.

I’ve had eye infections like that, they feel horrible. If you have to go to hospital he will have to come back. But keep going now and muddle through as best you can. Calpol for baby, plus paracetamol for you too to help with the pain. Good luck and try to nap now if grandma can take the baby out for a walk now in the pram.

ETA periorbital cellulitis is serious stuff, it’s really nothing like conjunctivitis or a sore eye. Hope antibiotics start helping soon.

I feel your pain. I was in a similar situation with only the jabs a few weeks ago. DH on a work night out/ away, baby had 8 weeks jabs and was inconsolable/ had a very high temp and I had 3 other dc to manage/ get to bed. I was very upset that DH was away/ thought he should come back but didn’t suggest it.

I think the difference here is your illness and the risk it gets worse. The jabs alone are a pain but manageable with grandma there. I hope you are ok, the night is not too bad and you are on the mend by the morning. Do whatever is needed to make the night/ tomorrow as easy as possible.

Hope you are better soon and glad to read of the support you have in the house from Grandma.

I would have come back myself in your DHs shoes, but probably for what you would see as the wrong reasons, as the kind of work event your DH is at is one I would avoid on any pretext as not something I enjoy.

I think that you made the right choice OP. It would nevertheless be reasonable to ask DH to keep alcohol to a minimum, get a good night's sleep and come back tomorrow ready to take over so that you can rest. Get well soon.

So sorry you are feeling rubbish.... But ideally try and not call him back, if it's a new job it's not ideal. But also take the pressure off yourself, noone needs baths tonight, easiest possible dinner even if it's beans on toast. Literally do the bare minimum, kids can stay in pj's all day and don't stress about any mess or anything! Just concentrate on the absolute basics! You can do this ❤️

She is 15. She can help with the chopping.

Some really kind and understanding posts - thank you so much. ❤️

Thank you for your support! Appreciate it. Sorry you’ve been through it too.

How are you feeling cariad? A bit better? Xxx

You’re a Wonder Woman - well done for getting through it. Rly hope DH gave you a night off slash lie in in return! ❤️

The grandma will probably be happy to help. 70 might seem old to you but there are plenty of fit, capable 70 year olds around. A night or two isn't a huge ask.

As a granny in her 70s, I'd stay overnight with you if asked.
(Unless your mum has some health issues of course)

Firstly I hope the infection does get better very soon. However the new job part here is really key. It’s kind of an unwritten rule in our house that when one of us has started a new job, the other picks up most of the child off school as they are sick days.
You do also have help with grandma - being in 70’s doesnt mean she cannot assist. Even if it’s making food and dealing with the older child.
if the infection does progress and you have to go to hospital, then yes call him home. If you were alone I may say the same too, but you do have grandma with you - if you become poorly ask her to step in. You may not feel comfortable doing that, but she has coke to stay to help so use that.

When I split with my DCs dad as much as i was capable and completely independent, as DS was still a baby it did help to know that another parent was nearby. The first time that I actually needed him it turned out he was out of town overnight and didn't look at his phone till the morning. I was beside myself at the time but it all worked out ok.

Be aware that if you are admitted baby can only stay with you if there is another adult to care for him/her. So you need two adults as well as you, one to care for each child.

Sorry but yes you are being unreasonable. Im
sensing you maybe can’t cope with them both on a good day, hence granny staying so this is tipping you over the edge?

If you have to go to a&e then take the baby with you and they can sleep in the pram, if you think grandma can’t have them both. It is only one night and your DH is in a new job. You just have to get through tonight even if it is rough and he will be home tomorrow

Older people are often larks - so your 70 year old and 3 year old might entertain each other in the 6.30 - 9am slot tomorrow.

Consider if it makes more sense to plan to go nowhere tomorrow and have a lie in / lazy day (appreciate the 8 week old won't sleep for long) or to plan for the 3 year old to do their normal activities.

I've had cellulitis of the face, OP, it's bloody awful!! The right side of my face swelled up so much I looked like Quasimodo, my eyelashes turned inwards, so my eye was constantly irritated; it was hell. Had to go Addenbrookes every day for IV antibiotics that lasted 10 days. And I didn't have two babies to look after! If it gets worse, you absolutely must go to A&E, it's imperative you get it seen to. I really hope the antibiotics work and you don't have to go 🫂💐

Are you sure the ‘attend ED’ wasn’t just a standard safety net which is given to people with infections to advise what to do if it doesn’t improve but the assumption is it will? I do agree though he can’t be expected to come back if there is another adult there.

I didn’t read all the answers but posting to say that it is worth finding back-up childcare that can take your baby overnight in an emergency.

I was admitted to the ER while my husband was abroad, and luckily my neighbour took my children overnight - otherwise I’m not sure what would have happened.

Hopefully not something you’ll ever need but it’s good to have a back-up plan.

I hope you feel better soon and don’t end up in A&E.