AIBU to ask DH to come back from London as baby and I are unwell?

[Dinosaurhearmeroar]

Wasn’t sure where to put this as have a bit of a dilemma. DH is away for today and tonight for a work thing in London. It is a new job (end of Jan) so he is still making good impression etc and on best behaviour. All was agreed and grandma is staying tonight to help with my 8 week old and almost four year old.

Baby has had her 8 week jabs today and is now very cranky - a lot of crying/ screaming and off her milk. This would be fine if I was on my own but I have a really bad eye infection. It was a stye but has now developed (as of this morning!)into a full infection and doctor has mentioned I would have to go to a and e if not improved after the antibiotics given.

my right side of face is so painful
and I feel really run down. Grandma is staying but she is in her 70s and I would never expect her to do the nights.

im really worried that I won’t be able to cope with my screaming baby in the night who might be a lot worse and the night will be really disturbed. I’m really suffering and need some sleep (we split the nights - I do the lion’s share and he does from 4-6:30 approx).

I have called him to ask him to consider coming back as I need my husband.

what would you do? Aibu to ask? Please be kind in responses, this is a bit of a shit situation and I feel physically very poorly.

Try to manage as best as you can. It'll look awful if you call your DH home.

Agree with PP, you need to just power through as best you can and then try and recuperate over the weekend. My DP also works away and the last time he was away for a week DC1 developed a violent vomiting bug and we ended up in A&E (he has a pre-existing condition so we have to be extra cautious, DC5 had to go to GPs) but I never dreamed of asking DP to come back.

You already have another adult there! Good grief. Take some pain killers and woman up.

I think everyone's ability to handle difficult situations varies and there's no shame in OP wanting her dh to come home.
Having said that, we really do tend to be stronger and more capable than we think, especially in new situations where uncertainty and anxiety can get the better of us.
I'm a lone parent of two and f/t caregiver to my disabled mum. I've looked after us all when I'm/we're all poorly and my mum has helped where able. We've been through brutal covid illnesses, rsv with hospitalization and the worst D&V bug you can imagine. We got through. You can, too, OP. 💐

All these years later I remember being in this situation too. My DH had to go overnight to a really important job interview. And that night mastitis kicked in .I was feverish and shaking and could hardly move about. I was hallucinating that I was dying of a fever like a Victorian heroine . But I kept thinking it's worse at night , he'll be back in morning time. Worse was no mobile phones then . Got through but quite frightening. I hope the antibiotics work and it doesn't develop any further . Do rely on Grandma , at 70 she has seen a lot and probably more capable than you know . She could keep baby with her and bring her to you when you need to feed . Four year can watch screens for as long as necessary. You can slack everything else off .

I would ask my husband to come home. Unless it’s actually going to really damage his reputation at work, ie, he is doing a major presentation. If it’s just an event where he’s mingling/showing his face, I think most employers would understand “my spouse is about to be admitted to hospital and I need to be there.” There is no way DH and I wouldn’t come home for something like this. Yeah we could suck it up but we will always put family before work. I think it’s really sad how many posters have the attitude of “my DH worked away all the time and I had no support so I just got on with it.” That is really sad for you but surely if it doesn’t have to be that way, it shouldn’t?

No you shouldn't ask him. If he was in Australia you would have to survive the night and you would. You sound quite anxious - what are you worried about?

Is there anyone else you can get on standby to help out?

He’s not the other side of the world, no need to be so sour.
Plus RTFT she didn’t ask him to come back.
Eye infections are super painful and can get very serious very fast. You might be anxious too…

Yes agree with this post. You’re not on your own, 70 is not old and fgs, what if your husband was ill in hospital or you were a single mum with a sore eye?

I'm not being sour, I'm being logical. Also I am genuinely interested in what the anxiety is because if op can articulate it she may realise there is another solution that doesn't involve asking her dh to come home. It's good to develop resilience.

I'm Grandma's age, and I'd feel quite insulted if my DD had thought I couldn't manage in this kind of situation.

Hopefully baby will soon be less cranky & you can get more rest.

I'm sure you're worried about the possibility of a&e but it's probably unlikely that your husband coming home would have any bearing on that.

8 week imms need three doses of calpol to keep fever at bay. That might at least help the baby 😊

I get it op, this stage with 2 of them is tough, especially having a velcro baby.

I agree that if it looks you need to be admitted to hospital, of course work should be understanding for DH.

In the meantime, if it would make you feel better, do you have a local friend who you can ask to be on standby if you do need some extra help if you end up going to hospital?

I needed an ambulance one evening when i had my 4 month old and my 3 year old and my DH was 2 hours away. I was lucky that i was able to call a friend to be around until DH got back.

Also, keep loading baby with calpol!

If her DH loses his job over this things are going to be a lot more stressful. Very bad move to call him home IMHO. It makes him look unreliable.

Rather than waiting in a&e you can go to specsavers with eye problems. They are much better set up with equipment and opticians. I had an eye infection recently and they didn't have space for an appointment in the shop so got me to send close up pictures of my eye. They have been excellent with eye injuries too. They also diagnosed an eye condition recently as well.

I have an eye hospital a&e Near me but now always go to specsavers

It's a new job, and it's one night. You do have help if you need it, I get that you might not want to get her doing nights but if that's the case let her take the reigns in the morning and get a kip, if, and big if the night is rubbish. Once baby has a bit of Calpol it may not be as bad as you think. Calling him home for "if" is a bit harsh. I've had many a night on only a couple of hours sleep due to teething etc then done a full days work, as baby only 8 weeks I assume your on maternity, just write tomorrow off if needed. You will need to give the antibiotics 24-48 hrs to kick in anyway, so unless it gets worse you have a while to wait to know if the antibiotics are working.

No real advice but just want to say @Dinosaurhearmeroar I had the same eye infection recently, I also assumed a stye, didn't want to bother the over-stretched NHS and by the time I was seen I was at pre-occular cellulitis. I was immediately prescribed oral and eye drop antibiotics and placed under the care of the Eye Clinic at the hospital. I was told that if there wasn't a dramatic improvement in 24 hours I would be hospitalised and placed on an IV drip, because 24 hours after that your sight is under threat. I'm never ill so it was rather unnerving, and I didn't have two small children to look after as mine are grown up! My infection responded to the antibiotics thankfully, the Eye Clinic phoned me every day for 10 days though, they took it very seriously indeed.

If it worsens please call for reinforcements and get yourself to A&E, without delay. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you and your little ones well - let us know how you go on 💐

For the eye infection that OP has the local opticians cannot prescribe - they can only prescribe topical and not oral antibiotics. They will forward you on to a provider who can prescribe - I attended my local Boots Opticians when I had my recent Pre-Occular Cellulitis and the optician there dispatched me immediately to the local hospital with a letter stating that I urgently needed oral antibiotics.

I agree with you. If it were me I’d ask him to come home too. I think the timeframe that the GP has given is too short really - I don’t think doctors fuck about with infection - so if they’ve said hospital tomorrow morning with no improvement that would probably be enough of a family emergency in my eyes to ask him to come home.

There’s no honour in putting your health at risk. Too many women on mumsnet seem to think there is.

If she loses her sight it’s going to be a lot worse.

Ocular cellulitis is not a “tough it out” kind of thing.

Seriously? Go to Specsavers rather than A&E when specifically advised by a doctor. Good grief I’ve heard it all now…….

I think you have definitely taken the right decision to crack on as things stand. If things get worse and you are admitted to hospital it would be a different ball game. If this happens most employers would accept that with a baby and toddler your DH husband would have no option but to go home on those circumstances. Best to crack on for now and send for him if you end up admitted to hospital. It is very hard with small children. I hope it doesn't come to a hospital admission and you feel better soon 💐

This place is so resistant to medicine it’s kind of crazy. I feel like mumsnet need to employ a team of actual medics to swoop in and be like “no love, time to go to fucking hospital” because some of the people on this website seem to have zero survival instinct.