AIBU to ask DH to come back from London as baby and I are unwell?

[Dinosaurhearmeroar]

Wasn’t sure where to put this as have a bit of a dilemma. DH is away for today and tonight for a work thing in London. It is a new job (end of Jan) so he is still making good impression etc and on best behaviour. All was agreed and grandma is staying tonight to help with my 8 week old and almost four year old.

Baby has had her 8 week jabs today and is now very cranky - a lot of crying/ screaming and off her milk. This would be fine if I was on my own but I have a really bad eye infection. It was a stye but has now developed (as of this morning!)into a full infection and doctor has mentioned I would have to go to a and e if not improved after the antibiotics given.

my right side of face is so painful
and I feel really run down. Grandma is staying but she is in her 70s and I would never expect her to do the nights.

im really worried that I won’t be able to cope with my screaming baby in the night who might be a lot worse and the night will be really disturbed. I’m really suffering and need some sleep (we split the nights - I do the lion’s share and he does from 4-6:30 approx).

I have called him to ask him to consider coming back as I need my husband.

what would you do? Aibu to ask? Please be kind in responses, this is a bit of a shit situation and I feel physically very poorly.

Just reading this thread for the first time this evening. You have had some harsh responses and, thankfully, some lovely ones. My eldest son had a red, swollen eye, with the swelling and inflammation reaching the side of his nose. The GP took it VERY seriously and we were all on tenterhooks waiting to see if the antibiotic worked. Otherwise it was straight to A&E. Scary. Thankfully it worked and he was grand. I hope you’ll be home from hospital soon

She is in hospital! God mumsnet is full of awful twats. Thinking of you OP, hope you get well soon

I see that now. Thanks for the update.

I still don't see my response as kicking her when down.

We'll have to agree to disagree.

I am astounded at this post if I’m honest

people are literally saying a one work overnight event is more important then a wife who has an eye infection so bad that she could actually lose her sight. She has been admitted to hospital. You don’t get admitted no reason. Infections like this require rest for antibiotics to work. Family should always come first. He should have come home straight away.

mumsnet can be toxic at best and downright fucking dangerous at worst on threads like this

I’m an awful twat for trying to give advice to someone who asked for it? Really? I hadn’t seen the update, but I was trying to help. Were you trying to be helpful by writing a message like this to me?
The fact poor OP ended up in hospital doesn’t mean my advice was wrong as none of us can see into the future.
Maybe fewer nasty, insulting posts would make Mumsnet a better place.

I’ve just read the thread and I’m sorry you’ve received some unsupportive replies, but glad you’ve had some kind ones too. Always difficult when you’re not well and your husband is away - I had a newborn and a 2.5 year old and a husband that worked away, and it was a struggle when I wasn’t well and you feel like you don’t want to make a fuss even if you think it’s significant you start doubting yourself, especially so early after having a baby when everything’s so up in the air. But your judgement of the situation was spot on and you knew you needed help and made the right call. I’m glad you’re getting the care and treatment you need and you feel better soon x

Maybe less judgy arseholes would too

Oh, you really are a delight.

I've just caught up and @LuckyPeachStork @Ilovemsrachel @BeKhakiReader and @birthday123dh you have all been spot on across this thread.

@Dinosaurhearmeroar I'm so sorry to hear you've ended up in hospital but thank goodness you're receiving strong treatment. There but for the grace of whatever went I about a fortnight ago. I hope the supercharged antibiotics kick in as soon as possible 💐

OP can I ask just out of curiosity if your DH goes to work having been up since 4? Seriously I promise not a dig. It's quite different to our arrangement and it's great that you have managed to split it so I would just be curious to understand how you guys make that work.

Sorry OP, just seen your update. Rest up and feel much better soon ❤️

My son had this. He had periorbital cellulitis. It can be serious. If it gets worse definitely go to A&E

I'm glad you are being looked after OP, eyes are scary at the best of times, and while you did have support from your mum your children are still your responsibility. You sound lovely, as a PP said you have taken a lot of flak very graciously. Fingers crossed for a speedy recovery.

Wishing you well OP.

I am horrified by people's responses who told you to get on with it. A big part of not getting worse when we are sick is rest so the body has a chance to heal. Please trust your instincts next time.

It's easy to be shamed into thinking you need to do it all alone as a mother. People who dragged themselves through tough times because they didn't have a choice should not become the yardstick everyone measures themselves by.

I'd be impressed if a male colleague excused himself to care for his wife and young family. And at 6 weeks into the job, he's already made his first impression.

Take care of yourself and more importantly let others take care of you a bit, without guilt or shame.

I see you haven’t read the thread.

I agree. He’s been there 6 months, imagine judging a man because his wife was ill. I know he would have been told he should be at home by my male boss at a global company.

I mean 6 weeks!

Just chiming in as a dad here - I'd want to know and come home to help. Fuck the job it won't love you back.

Why the horrible response. It is a rubbish situation. I agree with posters saying just stick it out until he’s back the next day, but that does not lessen the fact that it’s a rubbish situation.

It wasn't a horrible response, why are people so bloody sensitive? At the time the OP posted she already had another adult there helping her!

Thank you @NoExchangeBeforeChristmasThen, that’s really kind of you to say. I’ve just been so appalled by the lack of empathy shown by some posters. As if there were awards meted out for struggling. And considering the seriousness of OP’s condition, as other posters have pointed out, some of the ‘advice’ has bordered on positively dangerous.

I'm sure your grandma will be happy to help during the night if necessary. I'm in my 70s and could cope perfectly well as long as it wasn't daily for a lot longer. One night would be nothing.

You can't ask your DH to come back. It's not that long. I do feel for you though - babies and young children are exhausting even when you are fit.

The OP is in hospital now and your comment reads in quite bad taste.

How are you doing?
I read that you've been in hospital.
I hope you're doing much better now?