AIBU to ask DH to come back from London as baby and I are unwell?

[Dinosaurhearmeroar]

Wasn’t sure where to put this as have a bit of a dilemma. DH is away for today and tonight for a work thing in London. It is a new job (end of Jan) so he is still making good impression etc and on best behaviour. All was agreed and grandma is staying tonight to help with my 8 week old and almost four year old.

Baby has had her 8 week jabs today and is now very cranky - a lot of crying/ screaming and off her milk. This would be fine if I was on my own but I have a really bad eye infection. It was a stye but has now developed (as of this morning!)into a full infection and doctor has mentioned I would have to go to a and e if not improved after the antibiotics given.

my right side of face is so painful
and I feel really run down. Grandma is staying but she is in her 70s and I would never expect her to do the nights.

im really worried that I won’t be able to cope with my screaming baby in the night who might be a lot worse and the night will be really disturbed. I’m really suffering and need some sleep (we split the nights - I do the lion’s share and he does from 4-6:30 approx).

I have called him to ask him to consider coming back as I need my husband.

what would you do? Aibu to ask? Please be kind in responses, this is a bit of a shit situation and I feel physically very poorly.

I’d leave him be. It’s a new job and he needs to be at the overnight event. You’ll be ok. It’s only one night. Wishing you well ❤️

I hate to say it, I think if it's a new job for him you can't really do that. I know you're both unwell, but it doesn't sound like the illness is super serious in the sense that would warrant you calling him to come back.

You poor love though, I really sympathise and just do whatever you need to do to get through the night.

You cant ask him to come back when its a brand new job and would give a really bad impression. Im so sorry you feel rubbish but I think for tonight you'll need to try and power on through. Are your parents around or do you have anyone else who could help aside from your gran?

For one night I think you will cope. Granma could do one end of the night while you sleep and you do the other.

I am sorry, but you are being massively unreasonable.

He is at work, in a new job, you cannot ask him to come back and help you, You already have help!

Time for paracetomol, pj's and telly time. Nothing more nothing less.

It’s a new job and he’s coming back tomorrow, I’m sorry op- but you need to muddle through. Have you got any friends who could take your eldest out for a bit? Surely your mum can help out a fair bit during the day too?

I think you probably have to suck it up sorry! If a newish job and he’s still making an impression I think leaving because wife had a minor illness wouldn’t be great.

I say this in the kindest way it’s only an eye infection.

whilst you don’t expect your mum to do nights if baby is very disturbed maybe she could just sit with you for company? Or look after baby in the morning whilst you nap?

You will be fine and when DH gets home tomorrow he takes over

I'm sorry you're both unwell. This sounds really stressful. You would be unreasonable to ask your husband to come home from a work event in the first few weeks of a new job. You will just need to get through it as many of us do with young children. At least you have another adult there for support.

Yes, I feel sorry for you OP, but I think this is a case of accepting it may be a tough night and just cracking on. But I would be asking for a nice lie-in when he gets back!

Honestly it is one night grandma could watch the baby whilst you napped is he coming back what did he say ?

Edited as I had misread.

what would you do? Aibu to ask? Please be kind in responses, this is a bit of a shit situation and I feel physically very poorly.

Come on OP it isn't a shit situation, its life!

It’s a new job - you need to find a way to cope.

give baby calpop and she will likely settle.

I think YABU.

It's one night. And it's work. And you've got Grandma to help you.

If it was longer or if he was on a jolly or if you were alone it would be different. But sucking it up for one night (with Grandma's help) so he can make a good impression at work is entirely reasonable.

I'm sorry OP. It's a new job and income is long term benefits. If he comes back they might mark his cards as unreliable.

It's shit and shouldn't be like that but it is. I think I'd muddle through. Calpol and nap when you can.

I'm sorry you aren't well. It will take a few days for the antibiotics to kick in and to start to feel better.

I'd ask nan to mind the kids now whilst you get a nap this afternoon. I'm sure between you, you can get through 1 night.

I think you’re getting a bit of a hard time OP. Would a compromise be to ask him leave as early as he can tomorrow and take a day’s leave, so you can rest?

Its the ups and downs of illness and life. Why was gran (is she your gran or baby's gran) staying overnight if you didnt want her to help overnight?

Baby will calm down, she'll just be cranky for a bit and hopefully your drops will work

It’s a difficult one. I’ve been there and decided to stick it out but there’s a risk the antibiotics don’t kick in quickly enough leading to iv antibiotics for ocular cellulitis. I think I’d say he needs to have phone handy at all times in case he needs to come back to care for kids so you can get treated.

It’s really tough but I’m afraid I also think you need to leave him to get on with it. It’s likely to be a hard night but you will manage. You have another adult in the house who, whilst not able to physically help much, can take charge of 4 yo if needs be while you focus on baby. Chances are antibiotics will sort the infection - and if they don’t you won’t know really till tomorrow and dh will be returning by that point anyway.

Thanks for responses so far. I think I’m going to have to suck it up - just praying antibiotics work so I don’t have to go to a and e.

i know it’s life as another poster said but life can still be shit! Doctor was very concerned it will turn into cellulitis which means on a drip in hospital. He said if no improvement by the am I have to be admitted which is the worst outcome. Praying that won’t be the case.

Feeling quite panicky and negative as I have had a lot of bad luck with health during pregnancy and post hence why I’m thinking the worst.

thanks for the well wishes. 🧡

It's crap when you feel crap, I do sympathise. But you have help tonight. Take all the medication you need, get the earliest night. He'll be back tomorrow and tomorrow isn't that far away. If it was critical - such as an A&E situation - that would be one thing. But this isn't an emergency situation. You'll see him before too long. Just dose up, lean on mum and take things as easy as you can. As I say, I really do sympathise, I am living in antibiotics at the moment but have had to stop taking them for a test that is due to tomorrow. Feel like my head is going to fall off! Sending love.

Lean on Grandma who is there to help so presumably is capable of doing so! I would ask her to help a bit overnight (she takes a shift until midnight so you can go to bed early and get a decent chunk of sleep maybe??) before asking DH to come home when it’s a new job and he’s presumably on probation.

No I wouldn’t
Its a new job
But also you have grandma there so you’re not alone. If your solely alone it’s different

Surely grandma can do something otherwise why was she invited? Can she take baby for a walk in pram whilst 4 year old watches tv and you semi rest on sofa?

Order a takeaway or get grandma to pop to shops for something convenient

Again I’m sure grandma will help with evening and early morning even if not overnight? Ask her to read 4 year old bedtime stories whilst you try and settle baby. And then go to bed yourself.
In the morning ask Grandma if she can take over giving eldest breakfast or just helping entertain baby 30 mins whilst you shower

Thank you — exactly this. I’ve texted him to say don’t come back but to be available.

Given the fact its one night I think you'll just have to suck it up and muddle through. You've got support. I know grandma is in her 70s but as a one off emergency situation I'm sure she can help if you really can't manage

You've started on antibiotics for the infection, so it's being treated.