AIBU not wanting to use annual leave for stepdaughter’s childcare cover?

[crazycatladyof6]

Hello everyone, I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable. There’s a part of me thinks I am so wanted to know what others think. My husband and I have a granddaughter who we absolutely adore. We both work full-time and my husband actually doesn’t get much annual leave at all. It’s a bit of a problem. My stepdaughter works part-time 24 hours a week and our granddaughter goes to nursery on the days when her mum is at work and her other Nan who is very local collects her until Mum is home. She also takes her to nursery school in the morning. Unfortunately, my stepdaughter‘s mum needs to have some treatment and my stepdaughter has asked if we will have our granddaughter so she can go to work. This will mean that we will have to take annual leave to be able to have our granddaughter. One of the days I actually can’t do anyway because I’m already on annual leave for something that’s been booked for about eight months and then the other day I’m at work as is my husband and I’ve actually run out of annual leave at present. it does reset in April so I could take an annual leave day and this is where I need to ask AIBU to not want to take an annual leave day so my stepdaughter can go to work when it’s also my working day?

OP, I think you need to drop the rope.
This is not for you to fix.
She needs to cut her clothe like all parents.
I think you are being used and taken advantage of.
Its up to you if you wish to be used like that.

I wouldn’t set a precedent here. Annual leave is precious.

The child's mother is the one that needs to take unpaid leave.

Where is the stepdaughter’s mother? Why is the stepdaughter asking her mother-in-law to take time off? How about the father’s parents? Aunties? uncles?

the stepdaughter has a ton of blood relatives including her brother, aunts, uncles, why aren’t they taking time off?

why are they asking the inlaws?

Don’t worry. When she needs a kidney she will ask her stepmother again, instead of going to her blood relatives who all say No way, FO.

Honestly it’s one day. I would do it to help her out.

You would use your last couple of days annual leave for a friend's childcare, rather than them having to take time off for their own childcare?

Blimey, I can't say I would unless it was life or death.

But to pick up on another point, stepdaughter needs more than one day anyway, OP genuinely can't do the other days because of existing commitments. So even if OP covered the one day she potentially could (by taking leave), step daughter still needs to cover the other days anyway.

I think you will find the 28 days includes Bank Holidays i.e. 20 days leave plus 8 Bank Holidays paid per annum, pro rata for part time.

Even if he had 40 days free, they're not his daughter's to purloin. It is NOT an emergency, she knew about it in advance, she has her own annual days or she can swap days. If her unpaid babysitter can't work for a few days that is her issue to solve.

It's exceptionally entitled of her to make this request of you and according to your other posts it's not the only time you have given away your very hard earned annual leave days to her either.

I would consider drawing much firmer boundaries and encouraging her to parent her own child - which includes sorting out paid childcare, taking her own annual leave or however that looks for her - when her unpaid babysitters have things they need or want to do.

It is her problem, of her own making. And you are absolutely perfectly 100% entitled to say no to someone attempting to help themselves to your annual leave days, regardless of the situation. It's an enormous favour to ask, and it's time she got the memo and stopped asking.

CF SD has her own annual leave and has chosen not to use it. She can also swap days and did so at Christmas, but has chosen not to do that. She has filched their annual leave on other occasions too.

CF SD thinks she is entitled to keep her annual leave and help herself to her stepmother and father's to fulfill her own parenting responsibilities.

This is not a one time helping someone out. This is a pattern of over entitlement and cheeky fuckery demands and it's really time OP put a stop to it.

It doesn’t sound like either of you
have spare annual leave to use and unpaid leave would put you into financial difficulties.

And even if OP did, the parent of the child who needs minding has her own annual leave and can take it or organise a swap. It's on the CF SD to use her own annual leave, since one of her unpaid babysitters is not available on this occasion.

Yanbu. Ridiculous to ask this of you. She should use her own annual leave or arrange something with work. She probably hasnt even tried asking her employer if she can do lesser hours for a short period Universal Credit would cover wages lost anyway assuming she claims.

Thinking outside the box - is anyone able to swap a working day or are there any camps DGD can go to? Our local gymnastics camp (where the kids go to gymnastics anyway) will take children from 4 - I think that might be a half day but it helps. So there might be untapped options around?

you don’t want to take a day of AL to be with grand-daughter? Equally SD could take AL or in some companies yiu can take emergency paid leave if it’s due to child care breakdown. If she has used her AL she can take unpaid leave to look after her DD. Poor baby, nobody wants to look after her!

Sorry, just seen you’ve given up many days to babysit . Tell SD to put on her big girls pants and stand up to her parental responsibilities.

It's not due to childcare breakdown. CF SD knew that her unpaid babysitter had medical matters to attend to and just assumed her other unpaid babysitter would give up a hard earnd day off (again) to cover her. It's a planned medical thing that her unpaid babysitter has to attend, and she knew about it in advance but chose not to cover it.

I think it's time CF SD stopped asking such enormous favours, leaning on people who love you over and over when you don't have to just leads to resentment and support being withdrawn.

The thing is, there is a good chance that the OP has a really responsible job and can’t take ad hoc days off to help out. I often think that we don’t value women’s labour enough.

I remember a friend at my last job being asked to move her working days for a meeting. When she said she couldn’t because she had no childcare, her boss said “Well, what about your mum?!?” and looked astounded when told that her mum (who was late fifties or early sixties) was a headmistress and certainly wasn’t available.

Some women in late middle age run government departments. They’re not just filling in time until the state pension kicks in.

I agree. I edited my message after I’d recread the original post. SD needs to get a grip.

When does SDs annual leave reset?

OP you can't solve this anyway, as you're already busy for one of the days. Does SD go with you for the long weekend breaks you take GC on? If not, she could swap shifts and work while you're away with her child.

It’s a tricky situation for her but the fact is you can’t help so she’ll have to sort the tricky situation out herself just like we all have to do from time to time.

This is your DH issue to sort out. He needs to support his daughter. His ex-wife obviously does much more for their daughter than he does. If his first wife had remarried I’m sure the stepfather wouldn’t be tying themselves in knots wondering about taking time off to do childcare. It isn’t woman’s work - it’s parents work.

She'll have to take a day off without pay then. Foolish of her to use all her own leave on holiday and just assume someone else would suck up the cost and bail her out.

My DH is not DG parent. He is DG. Yes, it is the parents job to parent and to sort care for their ow children (as we did when ours were young) - not the DG

She came on one last year but my DH and I took DGD on one without her and I took her on my own with my mum without her and DH

A lot of companies which allow shift ships only allow them to be swapped in the same week, or maybe same month.