AIBU not wanting to use annual leave for stepdaughter’s childcare cover?

[crazycatladyof6]

Hello everyone, I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable. There’s a part of me thinks I am so wanted to know what others think. My husband and I have a granddaughter who we absolutely adore. We both work full-time and my husband actually doesn’t get much annual leave at all. It’s a bit of a problem. My stepdaughter works part-time 24 hours a week and our granddaughter goes to nursery on the days when her mum is at work and her other Nan who is very local collects her until Mum is home. She also takes her to nursery school in the morning. Unfortunately, my stepdaughter‘s mum needs to have some treatment and my stepdaughter has asked if we will have our granddaughter so she can go to work. This will mean that we will have to take annual leave to be able to have our granddaughter. One of the days I actually can’t do anyway because I’m already on annual leave for something that’s been booked for about eight months and then the other day I’m at work as is my husband and I’ve actually run out of annual leave at present. it does reset in April so I could take an annual leave day and this is where I need to ask AIBU to not want to take an annual leave day so my stepdaughter can go to work when it’s also my working day?

Have you told her no yet Op?

I have no idea how UC works. Will they top up
UC earnings are less for a period of
time?

I have. I don’t think I’m popular now sadly.

Stay strong OP.
This is absolutely not for you to sort out.

Most of it at least, if not all. She already gets UC so if she earns less one month she'll get more UC.

We would love to help more but although we don’t live far from them its far enough that’s it’s a time
problem. It’s a good half an hour each way to go and pick DG up and of course, another hour to drop her off and back again. So even if we picked up from nursery after work at 5:30-6 by the time we get her to ours it’s almost time to take her home so she can go to bed. Yes my DSD’s mum does do a lot of childcare and help but she lives in the same road so therefore it’s so much easier. She also works from home full time whereas I’m hybrid and DH works from home at times but also travels a fair amount and sometimes at very short notice

She doesn’t even drive DGD to you when you babysit?!?!

No she doesn’t drive so we have to do all pick ups and drop offs

Well she needs to learn to drive then

Don’t feel bad

why is your time and holiday less important than her time and holiday

You are absolutely right. Really stating to see this

The more you write about her the more entitled she seems.

Why on earth wouldn't you be popular after saying no to her request? The fact that she didn't take your refusal with grace and that she expected you to say yes just shows her level of entitlement.

You should start saying no more often, you're not her staff.

We teach people how to treat us.
You are behaving like staff and are being treated thus.
Glad you are waking up to that finally.

It’s also dawned on me that she gets pro-rata’d paid holiday that will be in line with ours but she also has 5 additional days every week to get things done/do what she wants/needs to do and we have to squeeze all of ours into weekends and annual leave.
I think we will continue to do what we do and help where and when we can but I do need to stop beating myself up about this. I’ve come to the conclusion that this isn’t a reasonable request.
thank you for all your thoughts and opinions

Well done Op.

Fine to say no, but let’s acknowledge she has hours more work a day than you do after she finishes work and every day of the weekend. My mum always has us over to dinner etc because despite having had twice as many children as I do, she is very much aware that working parents evenings and weekends are full of house work and parenting and there are no free days really. Even with the high admin load remaining we would feel like we were on holiday if we didn’t have the kids for a weekend, we’d get so much done at home. One of my 3 had a sleepover the other week and one less child felt like a holiday to be honest! I don’t like that this thread is encouraging you to be judgy and critical of a working mum to the point you have decided she has way more free time than you. She doesn’t.

Thank you so much for your input. I guess your comments are so easy to make when you dont know or care to understand the full facts.
I was a single parent of three children before I met my DH and I was also working full time. We brought up five children between us. This behaviour is not acceptable from my DSD. We do support but we cannot do what we cannot do and that has to be accepted. To top it all, we now have her mum wading in and telling us that we need to take annual leave so we can have our DGD. I fail to understand how this is our responsibility. If you would care to read my posts you will see that we do have our DGD but we do work and unfortunately we are not in a position to be ‘on call’. DSD will need to continue doing what she does and we will continue supporting where we can as we have done since DGD was born

And actually, she does get lots more free time than we do. She works 2 days a week and yes she has a DD who is in nursery 3 days a week but is looking after your own child really that restricting? I’ve been a single full time working parent and believe me, I get how hard it can be. How do you know what I have in my days? I work full time (plus) hours. My DH has a day job plus his own business. I also have caring duties for my disabled parents. And we do put time in for our grandchildren which you would realise if you had cared to have read my posts. Life can be hard no matter what point you are at. My life is full and I do my best and try to keep everyone happy. What I have realised is that some people feel they are entitled. I birthed my own children and I did everything for them and although I was grateful for any help I got, I did not demand nor expect. My DSD birthed her child and she needs to do the same. We will help where we can but we have full time jobs and other responsibilities. We love our DGD And do what we can but she is not ultimately our responsibility.

What a load of crap.

Thank you @pinkyredrose . I am so done this evening as we have had DSD mum on the phone calling us out for not booking annual to have our DGD.

No way!! I can see where DSD gets her entitlement from!

I'm sorry you're getting grief, OP. Stand firm, you're not at all unreasonable.

Really??

There are absolutely no "stepdaughter" vibes here. @crazycatladyof6 makes it clear they enjoy spending time with their granddaughter. But having to use annual leave so that another person doesn't have to use their own AL isn't fair to OP and her DH.

Really??

There are absolutely no "stepdaughter" vibes here. @crazycatladyof6 makes it clear they enjoy spending time with their granddaughter. But having to use annual leave so that another person doesn't have to use their own AL isn't fair to OP and her DH.

At the end of the day you can only do what you can do! She will have to ask someone to cover her shift, swop shifts or call in sick if push comes to shove. You can't expect to do it all so don't be bullied or guilt tripped into it.