AIBU not wanting to use annual leave for stepdaughter’s childcare cover?

[crazycatladyof6]

Hello everyone, I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable. There’s a part of me thinks I am so wanted to know what others think. My husband and I have a granddaughter who we absolutely adore. We both work full-time and my husband actually doesn’t get much annual leave at all. It’s a bit of a problem. My stepdaughter works part-time 24 hours a week and our granddaughter goes to nursery on the days when her mum is at work and her other Nan who is very local collects her until Mum is home. She also takes her to nursery school in the morning. Unfortunately, my stepdaughter‘s mum needs to have some treatment and my stepdaughter has asked if we will have our granddaughter so she can go to work. This will mean that we will have to take annual leave to be able to have our granddaughter. One of the days I actually can’t do anyway because I’m already on annual leave for something that’s been booked for about eight months and then the other day I’m at work as is my husband and I’ve actually run out of annual leave at present. it does reset in April so I could take an annual leave day and this is where I need to ask AIBU to not want to take an annual leave day so my stepdaughter can go to work when it’s also my working day?

What holiday entitlement anyone else does it doesn’t have is irrelevant. The SD should be using her own leave to look after her own child, not expecting anyone else to. The fact she’s a single mum doesn’t change that either.

Im grandma and I’d try and take a day off, a couple of days to help. But equally if you can’t, you can’t 🤷‍♀️. There was a time when I was still working as a teacher and it’s just not a case of having random days off, any help I used to give could only be done in the school holidays. Whatever your job is, if you can’t, you can’t 🤷‍♀️. If you don’t want to use your annual leave and it sounds 100% that you don’t, then you can’t. Your SD will need to work out her own childcare, whether taking annual leave, dependent leave, whatever. I know you say dad isn’t in the picture, but what about friends? What does your SD do when her mum is ill etc and can’t make the odd say or drop off?

@crazycatladyof6 if it was your own dd would you do ? If so then yes you are being unreasonable . Do you treat the grand child like your own ? If so then yes you are being unreasonable. You are either family and support each other or you don’t .

Has your dh not got any annual leave he can use ?

This.

I think it's poor, both my last job and the one I have now are 25 days annual leave plus 8 days bank holidays which I thought was common. I can also buy an extra week.

I still wouldn't be using it to look after DH's grandkids though!

while in general of course if someone has to use annual leave it should be the parent, is her job at risk, has she used a lot recently for her kids, is it the busy period… people with young kids are often in busier roles and need the career benefit of performing well than grandparents, I don’t know if any of this applies to you and your dil but it would factor into my view.

Back to the point I made yesterday. How patronising this comment is, making the assumptionthat the OP can't possibly have a proper job to do herself & can drop everything to look after a child. The step daughter works in care. We don't know what the OP does, but she does work FT in a "full on" role. Many of us have thriving professional careers in mid life which we love and work hard for.

This! She takes leave not you

Must vary between industries as statutory minimum is common in mine. Mind you, I used to work in the states and all UK AL packages look extremely generous after that experience. I’m one of the people who never takes my full AL allowance anyway so I wouldn’t mind taking a one-off day to help out a family member if I felt she really needed it.

My husband gets 25 days annual leave plus Christmas, boxing and New years day. Three of these days he HAS to take at Christmas so he’s now down to 22 days. He also has his own business on top of his day job which takes a couple of days a year down to 20 days a year. We have a holiday booked which is 11 days annual leave so now down to 9 days. We are taking DGC away for a midweek break so down to 5 days. We then have an overnight booked with DGD so down to 3 days. We are also supposed to be going away for a long weekend with friends so now at 1 day left. See the issue and now actually, we are already doing for our grandchildren but that leave doesn’t go far.

I find it a bit strange that your husband can not do it on the basis they he would have 'barely' any leave left. That's just too bad? If he doesn't need to do it, you don't need to do it.

Thank you. I did have to put my career on hold a bit when the kids were young (as many of us have to do) and I am now in a position where I’ve progressed. Work is good but very demanding and I’m also studying. We finally have a life now after putting life on hold raising our kids and we are enjoying being able to do what we want to after 28 years.

Shes got a nerve asking you. Let her take annual leave, let your husband tell her. DO not set a precedent !

People rely far too much on grandparents
Tell her to take time off to look after her child who is her responsibility

Your husband ONLY gets 25 days a year - ummm that’s fairly normal.

SD probably just asked on the off chance that it suits. Just tell her it doesn’t?

I presume if DGD is 4 and nursery is closed then she’s at a school nursery? Is a holiday club an option?

He will be getting 28 days. OP mentioned he gets 25 days plus days off at Christmas which I would imagine will be Christmas day, boxing day and January 1st.

Can your husband take unpaid leave?

But the actual parent can take unpaid leave. Why should that be required from a grandparent - when the parent is entitled to unpaid parental leave?

I would never asked that of someone - without having tried to take unpaid leave myself.

yes, you read it right. OP has run out of her own a/l

So it seems - so not sure op first post said he didn’t get much holiday

he gets what all employed people do

Unpaid leave? We have a massive mortgage so no, this is not an option

Some of his leave is dictated and he has to take it over Christmas. If you see an earlier post he gets 28 days but 3 of these days is Christmas, boxing and New Year’s Day. He also HAS to take 3 of his days between Xmas and new year as the business he works for shuts down so he’s straightaway at 22 days annual leave for the remainder of the year. 11 of these are earmarked for a holiday we are going on. 2 for his own business. Four are earmarked for a midweek break with DGC. Then a long weekend with friends and another long weekend with DGC plus an overnight with DG so that leaves him one day annual leave for the whole year

She could also take leave and look after her own child

How long is it likely to go on for? Is the other granny out of action of an extended period of time due to illness?