Childminder has had complaints about my son lashing out

[ohsonogo]

My son 2.5 is a sweet boy with a bit of a temper. Multiple times the childminder has asked me to keep his nails short as he lashes out at other children’s faces when annoyed. She says there have been more than ten times that she’s had to send another child home with scratches on their face. Today my partner picked up and she said ‘please cut xxx nails tonight as he’s using them as a weapon’. She’s messages me this

‘Hi, just to let you know xx has scratched another child’s face today again, very close to their eye. The parents are understandably upset and have sent me a very angry message. This other child was also hurt last week. I have now had to apologise to 5 parents due to scratches on their faces. Can you please ensure xx’s nails are kept as short as possible otherwise I won’t be able to accept him back into the setting. I will be in touch soon once I have a better idea of how to proceed with this ongoing issue. Thanks, xxxx ‘

what the hell do I do or say to that? Why is she being such a bitch, there’s only so much I can do when I’m not there.

So you noticed they were long this morning but didnt do anything about it and sent him into childminders knowing he had long nails?

I was set to be sympathetic as my son was a bit of a thug as a toddler but the childminder is being eminently reasonable and fair.

From what you've described, I'm surprised she's been so patient and not asked you to remove your son already. Her message does sound like he's on last warning though and another incident will see you told to remove him. She has to protect the other children and her income. I'd remove my child who got scratched repeatedly from this situation and I'm sure she knows other people will too. You need to keep his nails short, as asked, and hopefully things will work out for you with this child minder.

Your son is lashing out at other kids, she has a duty of care to all the children she has in her care and you need to address this with your son. She is being fair, not a bitch and she is explaining the issues it is causing her.

She is not likely to want to lose the other well behaved children as their parents feel they are unsafe, she is more likely to refuse care of your son so you need to start taking this seriously and tell her what proactive steps you are taking. Lots of kids go through phases like this and its you that needs to be proactive.

Keep his nails trimmed and make sure he knows it is not good to scratch people - sounds like he has been watching wolverine or something!

Childminder if you are reading this you are being eminently reasonable. This is a bigger issue than you are realising @ohsonogo and she may not be able to keep your child if it is not improving. Do everything you can to keep her on side, it will not be better in a nursery if you have to move him.

I'm not convinced you'd think she was a bitch if it was your child that was being scratched. Having had a child on the receiving end of this behaviour with repeated incidents it does get to the point where you question at what point do I pull my child to protect them? After repeated incidents I would expect her to take steps to remove the culprit before the other parents pull their children from the setting.

If I was you I'd be very very apologetic and embarrassed, not calling her a bitch. Your reaction suggests maybe you aren't disciplining properly, like it is everyone else's problem, I know the scratcher in my child's nursery clearly lacked boundaries watching his parents in action when he shoved my child over right in front of me. I picked my child up and disciplined their child in front of them, it was at that point their embarrassment kicked in. They were so passive.

YABVU to call her a bitch unless there is something you arent telling us.

The child either has a physical problem that is triggering his nervous system or is learning this behaviour from someone.
What you can do when you are not there is to work out how to help this child to feel comfortable enough not to have angry outbursts.

Reverse?

Exactly!
Five different children scratched that's an obvious issue.

Of course his place is in doubt she has to consider the welfare of the other children she watches!

Are you serious? If my child was being scratched repeatedly by another child I’d want them removed. She’s well within her right to say they need to be cut and he may need to be removed. Not fair for other parents to have to send their kids to a setting where they may be attacked.

You noticed they were long this morning and sent him in, you should have cut them immediately before he went to setting. You need to be doing it every day.

Calling her a bitch is totally out of order and you may want to look at your attitude as that probably isn’t helping.

Obviously once a week isn't enough so you need to be cutting his nails more regularly. Childminder isn't a bitch at all, likely just very fed up and stressed with angry parents messaging her.

She doesn't have to keep caring for your child. Do you call her a bitch to her face?

4/10, too obvious

I’d be asking him to leave if I couldn’t keep other children safe from him. It sounds like he needs a higher level of support. Though I’m wondering if your child is picking up this aggression and reactivity from what he’s seeing in the home.

Why is she being a bitch? How would you feel if it was your child getting hurt?

She’s not being a bitch, your child is repeatedly scratching other children. You say you’re worried she’s trying to get rid of him… well she probably is because otherwise she’ll lose other customers. This clearly isn’t a one off.

Oh gosh, I'm afraid if I was your childminder I'd be asking you to make alternative childcare arrangements.

She’s not being a bitch. She’s looking out for the other children in her care and has gave you many requests to keep your sons nails short.

Cut them every day and work on addressing the behaviours that are causing him to lash out

You can’t actually be real? Your child is lashing out and scratching other children. Multiple times. If my toddler had been scratched and I found out it was a regular occurrence with another child, I’d be wanting to know what the childminder was going to do about it, or I’d be removing my child. She’s not a bitch, she’s worried for her business and the other children. Wind your neck in, cut his nails more often, and maybe think about your attitude.

I’m amazed the child minder wants to persevere with him. I wouldn’t!

Who is the 1% YANBU?!

Has to be pressed by mistake. Has to be.

If you jump to defensive and calling her a bitch for the above, you probably want to do sone self reflection. You've acknowledged she's asked multiple times, multiple injuries and she is still trying to work with you.

It's not really about keeping the nails short, is it? It's the whole attitude from both parent and child. A 2 year old with a temper? What the hell? And how is the worker being a bitch, exactly?

Actually, what am I actually reading? Is this a wind up?