Childminder has had complaints about my son lashing out

[ohsonogo]

My son 2.5 is a sweet boy with a bit of a temper. Multiple times the childminder has asked me to keep his nails short as he lashes out at other children’s faces when annoyed. She says there have been more than ten times that she’s had to send another child home with scratches on their face. Today my partner picked up and she said ‘please cut xxx nails tonight as he’s using them as a weapon’. She’s messages me this

‘Hi, just to let you know xx has scratched another child’s face today again, very close to their eye. The parents are understandably upset and have sent me a very angry message. This other child was also hurt last week. I have now had to apologise to 5 parents due to scratches on their faces. Can you please ensure xx’s nails are kept as short as possible otherwise I won’t be able to accept him back into the setting. I will be in touch soon once I have a better idea of how to proceed with this ongoing issue. Thanks, xxxx ‘

what the hell do I do or say to that? Why is she being such a bitch, there’s only so much I can do when I’m not there.

How would you feel if the roles were reversed and your child kept coming home with scratches to his face?! You'd be absolutely fuming!

I was about to post exactly that. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. The CM is quite rightly gearing up to exclude your „sweet boy with a bit of a temper“ 👍👍

Your attitude is appalling - you should be mortified by your son’s behaviour. If I were the other parents, I’d be demanding that your son be stopped from coming or I’d remove my child.

How on earth is she a bitch for trying to protect other children??
Your sweet boy clearly has his mother’s short fuse!

Let’s hope the childminder isn’t on here. Pretty identifiable

Once a week isn’t gonna cut it (pardon the pun)

My daughter scratches herself constantly (eczema. Has never scratched another child). I have to be so on top of her nails in order to prevent her cutting herself. I cut them twice a week and file the edges in between, so maybe doing nail care 4/5 times a week in order to keep her from cutting herself back.

I am curious how you think she’s being a bitch? Given that children are being injured and lashed at by your son so regularly parents are complaining I think she’s being perfectly reasonable and has given you plenty of chances. I’d be furious if I was the parent of the child who has been scratched twice in two weeks. It is her job to safeguard those other children and protect them from such attacks.

Right so you’ve sent him in with long nails again. And he’s scratched a kids face AGAIN.

You are being totally unreasonable and it is you who is acting like the bitch, not her.
You are endangering her business. I would be binning you and your 'sweet boy' off forthwith.

You’re going to be one of those ‘cheeky chappie’ mums aren’t you?

You're the problem here.

Obvious wind up, is painfully obvious.

So make it part of routine to check his nails after bath and trim as per usual. Yabu. Your kid is leaving marks on other children and hurting them. Simple solution which you can resolve. But she is the bitch, sure

Assuming this is real cut his nails more than once a week and also work with the childminder on how to stop the lashing out

She’s not being a bitch she needs to safeguard other people children. If my child kept coming home scratched I’d be fuming. I think you are lucky she hasn’t given you notice. Maybe you need to go to your health visitor for advice how to help your son with his anger.

The issue isn’t how long the nails are, it’s that’s he’s intentionally scratching/lashing out.

I was never told this at nursery, and I wasn’t great at remembering to cut them either.

I’d ask her about the interaction that led up to this.

OP can pop over to the thread about parents being disrespectful to teachers next. Because the next stop is playgroup. The stop after that is school. School isn't going to put up with violent children. Will OP abuse the teachers? Call them bitches?
Actually, this is not uncommon behaviour. I can remember a spate of biting at playgroup. There were about 3 or 4 boys doing it. Then the bitten boys started biting. Playgroup worked with the parents to try and stop it. They put more staff on to supervise the biters. Parents worked with the playgroup. They didn't like their children biting or being bitten. Parents were told that their children would be excluded if it didn't stop,
If you google it, it is a well known phenomenon with a reason for the behaviour and ways of managing the behaviour.
If the little thug isn't nipped in the bud they will become a bully at primary school. If it isn't stopped at primary school God help you when he's a teenager.

So why didn't you cut them this morning before sending him when you noticed. Clearly once a week isn't enough.

Your reaction to the childminders perfectly reasonable text is uncalled for.

She is running a business if everyone pulls their kids out because of your child then she loses everything. This is your child so its your problem. Stop blaming everyone else and deal with the problem

If my child was coming home with scratches on their face every week I would be having words with you directly.

She is not being a bitch, she is doing her job and prioritising the safety of all of the children in her care. If she prioritised your son above everyone else, she would soon have no-one but him to care for, and thats not going to pay her bills.

Do you teach him gentle hands? Can he talk? If so, have you had a calm conversation with him about why he shouldn't hit others? I would recommend telling her that when he does this, she is to immediately prioritise the injured child so that your son realises he is not going to get attention and made a fuss of in this way. She needs to give a firm 'no' in a low, serious tone. Then remind him to use gentle hands.

With many children this age, they do not know how to regulate their own emotions efficiently and are still learning. All you and she can do is to continue to remind him to use gentle hands, keep his nails short as a priority and try to pick up on triggers that cause him to do this. If he does it everytime he has a quarrel with another child, she should spot it and separate the children before it escalates, if she's able to.

That being said, I do sympathise as my son is 4 with SEN, and can be very callenging to manage. People will judge you for having children that can be difficult in this way. And honestly, it is your responsibility to manage it. Instead of labelling this woman a bitch, you need to work with her. Cutting his nails is putting a plaster on the situation. It removes the likelihood of other kids being injured, but cause of his behaviour is still not being addressed, and it is your responsibility to do so. Even with nails cut short him going for another child will terrify them and is unacceptable. Discipline starts in the home. When he does this at home, (im not saying you do) but shouting at him will only make it worse. Ignoring him will make it worse. It needs addressing every single time. You cannot expect to just cut his nails and send him off to the childminder and have her deal with it.

She's being a bitch? Are you insane?

She's minding a difficult child who is attacking and hurting children.
On top of that, she's dealing with complaints from other parents on your behalf.

If she was my friend, I'd recommend quiting or at the very leaat given your contact details to very single parent that complains about YOUR child!

You aren't even meeting her half way.

She raised the long nails- you didn't address it well enough as she's had to raise it again.
She raised his temper and poor behaviour too and it sounds like you didn't do anything about that either.

Self reflection and assessment of your role in this is badly needed.

The nail cutting isn’t really the point here. Why is he scratching people in the face ?! That’s what you should be focusing on

You’d hope this is a piss take but I’m not sure. There are some spectacularly deluded parents out there that thinks that their little darling can do no wrong.

Bitch ? I don't bloody think so. I know you are in panic mode but children are being hurt by your child. You have been asked numerous times to keep his nails short and you haven't bothered your arse. Some poor child is going to be scared for life because you wouldn't cut your son's nails.

Sort your attitude out. Poor child minder has had enough.

A bitch?! Wow do we still say this about other women??