Childminder has had complaints about my son lashing out

[ohsonogo]

My son 2.5 is a sweet boy with a bit of a temper. Multiple times the childminder has asked me to keep his nails short as he lashes out at other children’s faces when annoyed. She says there have been more than ten times that she’s had to send another child home with scratches on their face. Today my partner picked up and she said ‘please cut xxx nails tonight as he’s using them as a weapon’. She’s messages me this

‘Hi, just to let you know xx has scratched another child’s face today again, very close to their eye. The parents are understandably upset and have sent me a very angry message. This other child was also hurt last week. I have now had to apologise to 5 parents due to scratches on their faces. Can you please ensure xx’s nails are kept as short as possible otherwise I won’t be able to accept him back into the setting. I will be in touch soon once I have a better idea of how to proceed with this ongoing issue. Thanks, xxxx ‘

what the hell do I do or say to that? Why is she being such a bitch, there’s only so much I can do when I’m not there.

My autistic son hates having his nails cut so I use a little machine thingy you can buy on eBay that's designed for cutting old people's nails

My thoughts exactly.

"Try" to get rid of him? She'll just wash her hands of the whole situation if you can't meet her half way with her perfectly reasonable request, you're lucky she hasn't done that already given the number of children who have been hurt and the frequency with which its happening.

"Why is she being such a bitch" this tells me everything I need to know about the type of person you are. I'm surprised she has withdrawn your child's place sooner and tbh it's only a matter of time until she does

So you noticed they were long this morning but didn't cut them?

In one way I would normally agree with you but in another i can't say I am surprised we all know there are feral parents

Totally unrelated but would you be able to tell me what its called, sounds great for my daughter

I think if I was her I would give one more warning, then if he hurts or scratches another child, he would be out.
Sorry if you think that unfair, but your son does not seem ready to be in nursery mixing with other children.

If you’re being serious - why didn’t you just cut his nails when you noticed them? You say she’s asked you multiple times.

I think so too. It's such rage bait

She is not a bitch.

You need I work HARD on No Hitting & No Lashing Out. HARD.

You need to trim his nails every other day (file if easier).

I would be sending a message of apology to the parents via the childminder.

He’s clearly not a ‘sweet boy’ at CM if he’s constantly injuring other children!

Put yourself in their parents’ position. How would you feel if your Dc came home hurt each week?

What are you doing at home to stop your son scratching?

And she’s not a ‘bitch’. Are you 12?!

Do you have concerns over why she might want rid of him? Has he been to other settings? Or refused a place elsewhere?

Wondering if there is more to this.

If I was one of the other parents id want rid of him too

If my child was coming home repeatedly from childcare with injuries because another child has a ‘temper’ then I would be very unimpressed. In your shoes I would be doing everything the childminder asks as well as doing whatever I could at home to stop that behaviour, because she would be well within her rights to stop accepting him.

Other than constantly scratching children's faces?

Check his nails every day and keep them very short. Job done.

Work with her to address your DC’s aggressive behaviour.

I do love the cognitive dissonance of ‘sweet boy’ and the fact he has scratched kids in the face 10 times

I think it would be worth finding out more about when he is lashing out at these children and whether there are any particular triggers. Does he do this kind of thing with you or with other children when you’re with him? How is the childminder handling it when he does this, and what can you do to reinforce that at home?

You’ve got to work with the childminder on this, surely you can see that? If not, you will find yourself without a place and if he’s lashing out due to being overwhelmed, you may find it difficult to find another setting that will suit him.

She’s been more than patient and honestly im
not sure why she hasn’t given you notice if you can’t keep your child’s nails tidy.

eh? Sorry but she’s in no way being a bitch. If she has asked you and your partner multiple times to keep his nails short and the incidents keep happening, then she has the right to message you. I’d be annoyed and upset if my child was getting scratched at constantly too!

My child was scratched at nursery deeply and it scarred his face. You aren’t taking this seriously enough

This!

Yes toddlers can lash out in frustration that's why you work hard with them to teach them other communication options so they don't reach that point.

So why did you let him go in this morning when you knew his nails were too long? You need to be trimming them every couple of days, he cannot have nails which are long enough scratch or he will be kicked out. The childminder cannot lose other kids because this is her living. Cut your kids nails instead of just leaving them a whole week.

Well I am wondering with the scratching and the bit of a temper if he has been to other childcare and they have refused to have him.
His behaviour sounds challenging and if it's a solo childminder she isn't going to be able to manage his tricky behaviour constantly.
Maybe a nursery would be better where there are more staff and possibly a sendco to observe whether this is just behaviour or something else.