Childminder has had complaints about my son lashing out

[ohsonogo]

My son 2.5 is a sweet boy with a bit of a temper. Multiple times the childminder has asked me to keep his nails short as he lashes out at other children’s faces when annoyed. She says there have been more than ten times that she’s had to send another child home with scratches on their face. Today my partner picked up and she said ‘please cut xxx nails tonight as he’s using them as a weapon’. She’s messages me this

‘Hi, just to let you know xx has scratched another child’s face today again, very close to their eye. The parents are understandably upset and have sent me a very angry message. This other child was also hurt last week. I have now had to apologise to 5 parents due to scratches on their faces. Can you please ensure xx’s nails are kept as short as possible otherwise I won’t be able to accept him back into the setting. I will be in touch soon once I have a better idea of how to proceed with this ongoing issue. Thanks, xxxx ‘

what the hell do I do or say to that? Why is she being such a bitch, there’s only so much I can do when I’m not there.

The child is violent, though. Whether he means it or not's another thing, but he's hurting other children. The OP called the childminder a bitch for pointing this out. How charming.

I agree she shouldn't have called the child minder a bitch.
I'm just concerned about the OP's mental health and how she might feel reading all these comments.

She probably should get rid of him OP.

If you are considering the problem here to be that the childminder is a bitch, I don't think this is going to resolve.

There are times when the way forward is humility and being apologetic.

A sweet boy with a bit of a temper is rather a contradiction in terms. He’s not being sweet when he’s hurting other children and the childminder is quite rightly, concerned for the children he’s hurting, as well as her business.

If you aren't happy find another CM.
It won't be a loss fir your current CM.

Perhaps the OP should take responsibility for her child! She needs to keep his nails cut very short, recognise the impact his attacks are having on the other children and their parents, and treat the childminder with considerably more respect than calling her a bitch. From what she has said, her child is clearly not a sweet boy with a bit of a temper, but is a violent and badly behaved child.

The message was very nice. Why is she being a bitch?

Gosh it sounds very stressful for childminder, other parents getting upset due to one child and the parent of that child thinking she's a bitch.

Kids occasional lash out at that age however this sounds excessive. What's his behaviour like at home? I hate to ask but how much time does he spend watching TV/playing on tablet? Hopefully not a lot at his age but if he does, this might be causing a bit of an issue.

Yes, and if you allow this behaviour to become the norm, by 4 it’s almost irreversible.

I agree with you @Madeawish. I don’t agree with the language used by the op but having been the parent of a child who can’t regulate normally I recognise the stress and upset it causes. It is very hard and there is little that can be done to help the child or parent at such a young age.

Right. Might as well send him to prison now then going by these comments.

Well, that's better than admitting ten children to hospital with facial lacerations now, surely...? 🤔

No, it doesn’t. The difference between two and four is absolutely vast; it really is another country.

The OP needs to keep her child’s nails short and work on managing situations when her child is with her. The childminder also needs to be managing the situation. It may not be the right setting: to be honest I never considered a childminder for my ds for a while host of reasons but at least part of it is because it is harder for one person to manage when you have a reactive child: with more staff it’s easier to remove the child from the situation which you can’t do as easily with just one person.

My DS was a biter. It’s horrible on both sides but doesn’t mean that he was doomed forevermore. With ds the biting peaked at 18 months and waned off; there weren’t any incidents after three or so. The next six months are likely to bring huge changes for the OPs ds as well. But in the meantime it can be a matter of damage limitation.

I don’t like the way the OP spoke about the childminder, assuming this is genuine, but she is limited in what she can do to manage her DS’s behaviour when he’s there. Keeping his nails short is the best thing to do for now.

She can limit things by keeping Scratchy away from other kids who just want to play...

Well, she can’t, can she? Not without practice that would fall into the category of cruel and degrading.

Okay, just continue to let other innocent kids get lacerated. Maybe we'll circle back again when one loses an eye... Fine..

How many eyeless children have you seen walking around?

I’m not engaging with nonsense. A lot of toddlers are reactive; they bite, scratch and lash out. It isn’t pleasant and they need to be taught it isn’t acceptable and others need to be kept safe. But this sort of childish nonsense isn’t anything I have any time for at all.

You don't think ten toddlers being lacerated by another scratchy bully can escalate? That's dangerous assumption to nake, in all honesty.

There is absolutely no need to talk about a 2.5 year old that way. None at all.

No problem, Jo Frost..

Wow. Dated reference.

I love mumsnet who is jo Frost when I google lots of people come up?

That's not really the childminders issue though, is it?

The OP is only cutting husband nails once a week. My 2yr old needs his cutting every 2 pr 3 days as he tends to scratch himself, and will inevitably scratch others at the minders (albeit mostly by accident).

Whether the child struggle to regulate, has a temper like his mother (from her "bitch" comment alone it's clear she isn't the level headed type) or scratches others completely by accident... the OP shouldn't need to be repeatedly asked to cut her own child's nails to avoid hurting other poor kids.

10’children admitted to hospital with lacerations from a two year olds nails?

MN needs an amateur dramatics board, you’d be best to run it!

Are you always prove to such ridiculous hyperbole?