Childminder has had complaints about my son lashing out

[ohsonogo]

My son 2.5 is a sweet boy with a bit of a temper. Multiple times the childminder has asked me to keep his nails short as he lashes out at other children’s faces when annoyed. She says there have been more than ten times that she’s had to send another child home with scratches on their face. Today my partner picked up and she said ‘please cut xxx nails tonight as he’s using them as a weapon’. She’s messages me this

‘Hi, just to let you know xx has scratched another child’s face today again, very close to their eye. The parents are understandably upset and have sent me a very angry message. This other child was also hurt last week. I have now had to apologise to 5 parents due to scratches on their faces. Can you please ensure xx’s nails are kept as short as possible otherwise I won’t be able to accept him back into the setting. I will be in touch soon once I have a better idea of how to proceed with this ongoing issue. Thanks, xxxx ‘

what the hell do I do or say to that? Why is she being such a bitch, there’s only so much I can do when I’m not there.

Your child should not be scratching other children or lashing out at all, especially not repeatedly.

I’m surprised she has let this happen at least 10 times without you serving notice and telling your child is unwelcome due to their behaviour. If I was the parent of the scratched children and they got scratched more than once i’d be withdrawing my child from the childminder asap.

I think your son needs to be removed if there's as many incidents as you're saying. It's obviously not working for him, and he's agitated being there. I would be furious if my child came home with continuous injuries whilst in day care.

Sounds like a reasonable request to me. I'm sure she will be quite happy if you chose to take your child elsewhere since you think so poorly of her.

She isn't being a bitch. Just cut his damn nails and work on his temper. His behaviour is not OK. I'd have refused to have him back by now if I were her. She has no obligation to accept violent children.

What are you doing to teach him not to scratch or lash out at other children?

Never mind cutting his nails, I’d be asking you to sew mittens to his sleeves if he’s hurt that many children in a week! You are being massively unreasonably. She has a responsibility to keep those children and your son is risking her business. Please train your “sweet” child cos he sounds like a horror.

Keep your kid's nails clipped or you'll find yourself with no childcare.

You've had multiple notices. This is likely your last warning.

She's not a bitch. She has to ensure the safety of the other kids and you're non compliant with her reasonable requests.

For crying out loud, cut his nails very regularly. You not deserve to have a childminder after calling her a bitch.

I’ve got a scratchy kid, or he certainly has been in the past.

I just check his nails when he’s in the bath (every day) and cut them as and when necessary so they’re always as short as possible. It’s really the least you can do.

Also - why is he scratching and lashing out? Does he do it at home? What kind of “temper”?

Could quite obviously be a regulation and behaviour issue if it’s something he’s doing regularly.

I agree with this statement.

Apparently you have to cut his nails more often. She has been perfectly reasonable. Many, many childminders would have asked you to leave after the 2nd incident.

The childminder is absolutely not the problem here

Sweet boy and lashes out scratching people faces. Yeah that’s a sentence that makes sense.

Your luckily she hasn’t also pulled your spot away because she will lose parents keeping your child there.

Though you’re as fast to call bitch as he is to claw clearly so apples and trees.

You’re clearly embarrassed at your poor management of your child’s needs - that’s the only explanation for your post.

This cannot be a serious post. On the off-chance that it is, I'll respond to say that you should be grateful that your son's weapon of choice is fingernails, which can be easily neutralised! My son was a biter, and I had similar uncomfortable conversations with his carers (who incidentally I never thought of as "bitches" for raising their perfectly valid concerns), but obviously filing or removing his teeth wasn't really an option.

Cutting your son's nails frequently, meticulously and responsibly is such a reasonable action in these circumstances that I find it hard to believe that you're serious in your outrage. If you are, sort yourself out!

😬 I do my daughters every 3 days because they grow fast and are sharp. I sure as hell would be checking them every day if she was scratching other children?? You need to be more on top of this if you don’t want him to be kept at the childminder. Are you working with him on how to not lash out like this when he is tantruming? I don’t think the childminder is being a bitch at all here, she’s just looking out for the other children she cares for - and keeping her business alive!

Can't imagine where he's learned that aggression 🙄

I never vote on these polls but I did today. You are being very very very unreasonable. The CM’s message sounds totally appropriate. The fact that the CM’s very decent message leads to you calling her a b**h is concerning! Your response should be ‘I will cut his nails more often and do anything to work out how to change this behaviour’. And also apologise to both CM and other parents.

Your child's behaviour is impacting her business and other children. Your choices really are trying to deal with his scratching and cut the nails as requested or you will be looking for new childcare soon. I am surprised she has allowed it to go on for 10 incidents - rather than calling her a bitch you should be thanking her for her patience in trying to find a solution

You’re an enabler. Discipline your damn child. Be a parent.

If you’re not going to bother to do anything, she SHOULD get rid of him.

Wow the rarely seen 100% vote. It's beautiful

She would be quite within her rights to 'get rid' of this sweet little boy who is attacking other kids. It doesn't sound as if this setting suits him.

Children's nails grow quickly, so not only do you need to keep an eye on their length but you need to trim or file every couple of days.

Reverse the situation, and how would you feel if your son was coming home covered in scratches, because another child struggles to regulate their emotions? You wouldn't be happy, so therefore you can't blame the other parents.

You need to be teaching your child not to hit/scratch other children. In the same way you teach them to share, wait their turn etc.

Speak to your childminder and find out the circumstances behind the scratches. Are there triggers or certain situations when your son lashes out?

Your childminder has a duty to safeguard the other children in her care (as well as your son). She's isn't picking on your son, trying to push him out or a bitch. Her priority is the safety and wellbeing of the children.

She's not being a bitch . My DD was the same age when she scratched someone by their eye . She was told that its nasty to scratch and the staff also had a chat with her and she never did it again . What are you doing to address his behaviour as its a regular thing

Certainly a creative opening post. If it is true then hopefully the will stop looking after your aggressive child who claws at other children’s faces and mummy will stop being so delusional when she realises no other child minder will put up with the behaviour either xx