Childminder has had complaints about my son lashing out

[ohsonogo]

My son 2.5 is a sweet boy with a bit of a temper. Multiple times the childminder has asked me to keep his nails short as he lashes out at other children’s faces when annoyed. She says there have been more than ten times that she’s had to send another child home with scratches on their face. Today my partner picked up and she said ‘please cut xxx nails tonight as he’s using them as a weapon’. She’s messages me this

‘Hi, just to let you know xx has scratched another child’s face today again, very close to their eye. The parents are understandably upset and have sent me a very angry message. This other child was also hurt last week. I have now had to apologise to 5 parents due to scratches on their faces. Can you please ensure xx’s nails are kept as short as possible otherwise I won’t be able to accept him back into the setting. I will be in touch soon once I have a better idea of how to proceed with this ongoing issue. Thanks, xxxx ‘

what the hell do I do or say to that? Why is she being such a bitch, there’s only so much I can do when I’m not there.

Why is your son behaving in this unacceptable way?
I'd expect your childminder to refuse to mind him any day now

Rage bait, what fun.

How is she ‘being a bitch’, @ohsonogo? Your son has scratched other children, and their parents are rightly and justifiably upset, and the childminder is asking you to do your bit to make sure he can’t do as much damage if he does scratch another child.

If your som was being badly scratched, near his eyes, by another child, what would you want the childminder to do? Would you call her names for asking the other parent to make sure their child’s nails are kept short, or for informing her about the injuries her child had given yours? I bet you wouldn’t!

Your son isn’t a sweet boy if he has a bit of a temper!

you need to get a control on this NOW! Or you’ll have to deal with worse and worse

you’re going to have to check his nails daily, you’re going to have to find a way to get him to control himself better

this is on you. You absolutely can and must fix this

Very much so!

You do know the child is two, right?

Worried she might "get rid" of him but not concerned about him hurting other children? How would you feel if your child kept coming home with his face scratched? I'd be furious aswell if I was one of the other parents, maybe it is best he doesn't go back because the safety of the other children there needs to be prioritised

She's being very lenient, what makes you think the other parents are in any way ok with their children's faces getting scratched? Your child is the common denominator in this problem.

You do need to start looking for another placement. Your son’s behavior is not completely abnormal for his age range. However, he may still require a level of supervision this person is able to provide.

in the meantime, file his nails frequently.

The childminder should ask you to visit the GP/HV for behaviour support and possible assessment of his needs. She should call a meeting with you and take advice from the area SENCo. Does your little boy have language or use signs to communicate? Sometimes children lash out due to speech and language delay or other undiagnosed needs.

The childminder is doing her job in reporting your child’s behaviour to you. She (rightly) expects you to work in partnership with her. It’s obvious that other parents aren’t happy. No need to call the poor woman nasty names.

Ten times? Jesus Christ...😳

You are at it.

If this isn’t a reverse you sound awful

She’s being a ‘bitch’? is this some sort of parody.

Is this a made up post?! Why on earth would you call your childminder a bitch for sending a perfectly reasonable, polite message? Your son's temper is a MASSIVE problem. No, you can't control him when you're not there, but you should feel upset that he is constantly injuring multiple children on a daily basis. Is he like this at home? If not, consider why he's so violent with the childminder and see if there are any steps you can take to resolve the issue(s). You should be working WITH the childminder, not being rude because she's highlighting the constant problems caused by your child. The childminder's message implies she's doing her best to figure out a way how your violent child can remain in her care, without endangering the other children. You should also be thinking of suggestions and recognise that, if no safe way to continue can be found, she will (rightly) ask your child to leave. I'd be working with him on his behaviour and how he manages situations when he's cross/frustrated.

Your child's Damian Thorn, so stop taking it out on the childminder. She did the right thing, and you need to be a responsible parent and deal with this.

Your childminder is not a bitch @ohsonogo 😡

She has more than one child to look after, and when so many are being (and have been) scratched by your son, she stands to lose a lot of customers, and possibly have bad reviews too.

I would count yourself lucky she has not refused to look after your son any more. - and to be honest, I really wouldn't blame her if she did refuse.

She is running a business, and has a duty of care to all the other children she looks after. How would you like it if it was your son on the receiving end of being scratched?

In the meantime, keep his nails very short. My son's nails grew at an alarming rate, and I had to cut them every few days.

I think you also need to work out a consequences strategy for your childminder and you at home to follow for when this happens again. If she carries on looking after him, that is............

You should have done then this morning

I don’t think she is a bitch at all she has raised over and over what she needs you to do and she is trying to protect other children she must be at the end of her tether with it

As someone who's actually been in this position inside a nursery where there was one child consistently attacking other children under the age of three, but above the age of two.So, and because they're mobile, at that point, they become incredibly dangerous.This child was also very large, much larger than other children.It's genuinely dangerous.The post from the other lady who was shouted out by that man.I deeply empathised with, though, I know it's really difficult, but I don't.I just the idea that this childminder is a b.It literally outrages me.

So you do them twice a week. And everytime you notice they’re long again (additionally).

I‘m genuinely surprised she still accepts him, tbh!!

You are in for a rough ride when he starts school if you react like this

Op you are being unreasonable to be so rude about your childminder.
I have been through scratching, biting, kicking, head butting, hitting and DS is nearly 5 now and on occasion still reacts physically when he is tired or struggling to regulate. He is not the only one in his class and the boys in his class particularly seem to go through this intermittently.
As long as you are consistently holding a boundary with your child around kind hands, not hitting and cutting his nails then I don’t think there is much else you can do at 2.5. We used the ‘teeth are not for biting’ book series from that age and they helped a bit but in reality until he gets control of his emotional regulation you will just have to keep cutting nails every other day (or whatever is required) to manage it and realise that most people will blame you which you will need to be grown up enough to deal with as his parent and an adult.

How would you feel if your child came home every day because a "sweet boy with a bit of a temper" kept scratching them?
Cut your fucking kids nails and be grateful he still has a place in the setting.... the absolute nerve calling her a bitch 🤣

Assuming this is a real post, I am just imagining how the OP must be feeling right now.

She came on here for support.
She has said she feels helpless that she can't be there to stop her child from hurting these children.

She was clearly upset by the letter as any parent would be. No parent wants their child to hurt others.
There will be feelings of guilt and helplessness.

The child is only two. Way to be young to be labeled as violent.

As a mum of four I have been on both sides of this situation. Both upset me in equal measure - my child coming home with scratches and another of my children (SEN child) being the one who scratched.

The OP must be so upset right now having read through all this.