Childminder has had complaints about my son lashing out

[ohsonogo]

My son 2.5 is a sweet boy with a bit of a temper. Multiple times the childminder has asked me to keep his nails short as he lashes out at other children’s faces when annoyed. She says there have been more than ten times that she’s had to send another child home with scratches on their face. Today my partner picked up and she said ‘please cut xxx nails tonight as he’s using them as a weapon’. She’s messages me this

‘Hi, just to let you know xx has scratched another child’s face today again, very close to their eye. The parents are understandably upset and have sent me a very angry message. This other child was also hurt last week. I have now had to apologise to 5 parents due to scratches on their faces. Can you please ensure xx’s nails are kept as short as possible otherwise I won’t be able to accept him back into the setting. I will be in touch soon once I have a better idea of how to proceed with this ongoing issue. Thanks, xxxx ‘

what the hell do I do or say to that? Why is she being such a bitch, there’s only so much I can do when I’m not there.

To be fair how can she do something about it if it only occurs at the childminders? You can say 'be kind" or "use gentle hands" before he goes but it is a bit limited. I do also wonder if there is SEN for it to be such different behaviour in different settlings.

Yeah, he's losing his place for sure if that's your attitude OP.

You'd certainly be calling me a bitch after what I'd be saying to you if I was one of the other parents.

Surely this can't be a real post.

Why though? I am not condoning the OP but if she is cutting his nails as she says what else can she do?

She's basically protecting the other children in her care from him. It won't be long until he's kicked out. You need to work on his behaviour.

Discipline her child maybe?

I think you have to put yourself in other people's shoes. If your child was coming home with a scraped face done by another child would you like it.? Your childminder has a duty of care to all the children to keep them safe. Toddler and baby nails grow really fast so I think you should maybe check them every other day and see if they can be trimmed. Ask the cm what she thinks you could as a team to get over this behaviour as quickly as possibly and be on the same page. So same consequence at home as it is at the child minder etc

So did you do them as soon as you noticed them - ie before he went to cm - or after he got home and you had a complaint?

I removed my child from a setting because he was bitten twice. As a parent you don’t knowingly subject your child to the risk. This cm risks losing multiple clients if your child isn't managed - if she has to choose, of course she will ask you to remove yours so she can retain the others. I would ask her to explain the circumstances when he lashes out to try and drill down into the behaviour and perhaps call your HV for advice?

Once a week to cut nails is obviously not enough. Check them every morning.

I suspect OP is the child minder !

Gosh, what a tricky one, what on earth could you do… oh wait, I have an idea: keep his nails short.

You need to be cutting his nails more often than once a week.

My 2 year olds grow very fast. He’s placid but could cause some damage if he scratched someone and I wasn’t cutting his nails every few days.

I think a lot of people that provide childcare, especially to the under 3's like to pretend that typical toddler behaviour does not exist for their own convenience, and pass the buck onto the parents. If she was fully trained and knowledgeable in child development she wouldn't need to ask you to get involved apart from asking you to trim his nails. If she was a true professional she wouldn't even tell you the reasons why. All she would need to say would be, for your child's own safety and for others we ask that nails are kept short at all times. That way she is covering all basis and not singling out any specific children, and parents are none the wiser. She should not be identifying your child as the sole problem, that is highly unprofessional and highlighting her lack of toddler knowledge and lack of ability in dealing with it.

Is this a wind up?

One of my friend's toddlers was asked to leave due to hitting other children ao yeah, she might try to get rid of him.

What rubbish. If a child is s causing harm to other children of course the parent needs to be told. Carnt stand this wishy woshy attutude

Of course she needs to communicate with the parent about what is happening in the setting. Even though lashing out can be a normal behaviour the childminder needs to know whether it’s happening at home or elsewhere.

Your son is hurting other children. She's not being a bitch.

@Wishingplenty of course she needs to communicate with the parents. This seems more than an accidental scratch due to too long nails. The child is hurting other children. The behaviour needs to be discussed and ways of reducing it.

Your childminder is not being a ‘bitch’. I think she’s been far more patient about this issue than I would expect.
Some mothers and their “sweet boys”. I think we can tell a lot about you from your post OP.

I know on mumsnet, it’s normal for 2 year olds to bite kids etc. I’ve got 5 children and none of them had ever done this! Nor have any of my friends children. Admittedly we never did nursery or similar, just stay and plays etc but I have never encountered a child who would do this in the wild!

Does he ever do it with you? He needs to be immediately removed from the situation every time he does it.
What work are you doing at home with him on this? What’s his home life like, has he witnessed violence? From father, something inappropriate on TV in background etc?

He is hurting other kids. If I was a parent to the victims, they’d be removed because your the childminder can’t keep them safe from your son. It makes more sense for the childminder to stop your son attending instead of loosing every other child. She’s got a duty to safeguard those children.

agree. OP your reaction speaks volumes. If I were another parent using this childminder I’d leave or urge her to get rid of your child. 2.5yrs is well old enough not to routinely lash out like this.

She probably will try to get rid of him.
Check nails daily, not weekly, and talk to him about keeping his hands to himself.

Apart from checking his nails at least once a week to ensure really short what are you doing to correct this awful behaviour OP?

I think people’s responses are incredibly ignorant and small minded
Your son’s behaviour is completely normal for his age
Yes, it is difficult but you are paying a childminder to create a safe and welcoming environment for all children
If I were you, I would find a better setting maybe one that offers more outdoor activities and stimulation because your son might simply be lashing out because he is bored
My daughter went through a biting and disruptive phase. I wish I had moved her to a setting which could accommodate her need for stimulation rather than leaving her in a nursery where she was labelled as naughty. Please know that this phase will pass.
I completely disagree with the parents on here saying that you are being unreasonable. Children are children and they process emotions with their hands. Sometimes this is a sign that he needs more help and support not judgement.
Do what is best for your son and move him to a setting where he doesn’t feel the need to be lashing out because he is confused or upset about something else and can’t articulate it

It’s not normal