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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

733 replies

DiaryofWimpy · 17/03/2026 19:43

My DS2 has moved his girlfriend in with her 2 cats.

Obviously it’s another person using the washing machine,,TV, gas and electricity they are both 22 and don’t work but get benefits.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable asking them for money?

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 17/03/2026 19:44

Did he ask first?

do you need the money? If yes then absolutely.
if no then personally I’d rather have the peace….

ThejoyofNC · 17/03/2026 19:44

Why are they both not working?
What do you mean he has moved her in, didn't they ask you?
Do you want to have two cats in your house?

Tbh my immediate thoughts are to kick the bloody pair of them out.

rubyslippers · 17/03/2026 19:46

Why don’t they work?!
regardless they need to contribute to the household
Was this discussed with you or did she just arrive?

DameOfThrones · 17/03/2026 19:47

YANBU but this is a conversation that very much should've been had before she moved in.

FiloPasty · 17/03/2026 19:47

So many questions! The mind boggles but yes the girlfriend at least should be making a contribution. How much do they get?

Original poster
DiaryofWimpy · 17/03/2026 19:47

They apparently have anxiety so can’t work.

He asked if she could bring her cat, she brought 2.

Yes I could do need the money.

OP posts:
PollyBell · 17/03/2026 19:48

Why on earth did you agree to it in the first place, yes I would never ask my child for money but if they are bringing a tribe yes

lazyarse123 · 17/03/2026 19:50

They should both be paying their way. They are adults not children.

rubyslippers · 17/03/2026 19:50

Jesus
you’ve been taken for a mug
youve got an extra adults and two pets who are going to be in your home and under your feet
and no extra money

DameOfThrones · 17/03/2026 19:51

DiaryofWimpy · 17/03/2026 19:47

They apparently have anxiety so can’t work.

He asked if she could bring her cat, she brought 2.

Yes I could do need the money.

Ok so the word 'apparently' sounds as though you don't believe them and think they're a pair of piss takers.

Yes you should make them pay their way.

But again, this conversation should've happened before she moved in.

Original poster
DiaryofWimpy · 17/03/2026 19:51

She basically just arrived and is taking over the whole house but DS is happy and he was very lonely. He’s known her for 6/7 years. She left an abusive relationship and moved in here. I agreed as DS2 is happy with her here.

OP posts:
Original poster
DiaryofWimpy · 17/03/2026 19:53

Yes I should have asked her before she moved in but it all happened so quickly

OP posts:
DameOfThrones · 17/03/2026 19:54

DiaryofWimpy · 17/03/2026 19:53

Yes I should have asked her before she moved in but it all happened so quickly

So ask them now.

Actually don't ask just tell them 🤷‍♂️

martha4clark · 17/03/2026 19:54

So that’s them sorted for the next 5, 10, more years? Just staying at yours, not working, claiming benefits, raising two cats? You need to give them both a decent talking to, charge them rent, and tell them to sort themselves out. They are adults.

scoobydeedoo · 17/03/2026 19:55

Yes I would ask for a decent contribution. I have a relative with a similar problem, she is subsidising their life of doing nothing and achieving nothing, they have no motivation to look for work, save, move out and make a life on their own and treat her like crap to boot.

I would set expectations regarding financial contributions as well as contributions to household chores, and if they didn't like it they would be getting notice to find somewhere new to live.

TeenToTwenties · 17/03/2026 19:55

You presumably know whether or not at least your DS has anxiety that is debilitating enough for him not to work? What help is he getting? How is he trying to overcome it?

Miskast · 17/03/2026 19:56

I think it's important that you do ask them for contributions, for all your sakes. You're at risk of ending up supporting 2 dependents for the foreseeable. It would be so much healthier for you all if you could try to set up the household that you are all adults pitching in together.

Obviously it's not always possible but it's worth a good try.

Original poster
DiaryofWimpy · 17/03/2026 19:56

I’ll have a talk with them tonight. Thank you for your advice

OP posts:
DameOfThrones · 17/03/2026 19:56

And pray to God she doesn't get pregnant.

You'll never get her out.

Jellycatspyjamas · 17/03/2026 19:57

Have they only just got together and are now playing house at your expense? That wouldn’t be ok with me, if they’re adult enough to live together they’re adult enough to know household costs need to be paid for. I’d be asking for a contribution or they’d be looking for their own place.

DameOfThrones · 17/03/2026 19:57

Miskast · 17/03/2026 19:56

I think it's important that you do ask them for contributions, for all your sakes. You're at risk of ending up supporting 2 dependents for the foreseeable. It would be so much healthier for you all if you could try to set up the household that you are all adults pitching in together.

Obviously it's not always possible but it's worth a good try.

Edited

Obviously it's not always possible but it's worth a good try.

What do you mean it's not always possible?

If they have an income no matter how small, of course it's possible and only right they pay their way.

HelenaWilson · 17/03/2026 19:57

Do they pay for the cats or is the cat food added to your shopping bill?

I'd show them the council tax, utilities and food shopping bills and ask how they propose to cover their share.

What help are they getting for their anxiety?

Original poster
DiaryofWimpy · 17/03/2026 19:57

TeenToTwenties · 17/03/2026 19:55

You presumably know whether or not at least your DS has anxiety that is debilitating enough for him not to work? What help is he getting? How is he trying to overcome it?

He’s on medication for anxiety. The doctor is phoning again on 31st March

OP posts:
fisherhatesgravel72 · 17/03/2026 19:58

rubyslippers · 17/03/2026 19:46

Why don’t they work?!
regardless they need to contribute to the household
Was this discussed with you or did she just arrive?

They’ll have anxiety…

BeaPerry · 17/03/2026 19:58

Well, there is. Few problems here

on benefits for anxiety ???
thats not easy to get -
what benefits are they actually on ?
is her new address declared to benefit agency ? Are they claiming as single people and may get hammered if their claims haven’t been updated for current circumstances-
are they accessing treatment for their conditions??
are they under employment support services ? https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work

yep, bill them for the costs you are incurring, but that’s a short term view - someone needs to hold them to account about tackling their limitations and addressing their functionality - unless they have legitimate long term disability of course

Access to Work: get support if you have a disability or health condition

Get help at work, including an Access to Work grant, if you have a disability or health condition - eligibility, how to apply.

https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work

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