Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

[DiaryofWimpy]

My DS2 has moved his girlfriend in with her 2 cats.

Obviously it’s another person using the washing machine,,TV, gas and electricity they are both 22 and don’t work but get benefits.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable asking them for money?

Hang on, she left a different abusive relationships moved in as your DS’s girlfriend??

I would give them 3 months to find their own place and, if the don’t, tell them how much they owe you per month

Well yes, it's in the OP's second post.

Although she implies she thinks they're lying.

His girlfriend? And she was someone else’s girlfriend days ago?
And you let this total stranger move in?

"Right, so you've been here a month now Emma, and we need to talk about money and your plans for getting into the real world of working."

I would make sure the discussion ends with some firm action plans and agreements, write them out bold and clear and pin them up where everyone sees them daily. Perhaps instigate a weekly semi-formal check in too.

Don't be taken for a mug, they cannot simply opt out of adult life.

It's called paying rent.

Yes, they should pay rent. Your bills have gone up and now you have what sounds like an overwhelming gf trying to take over plus two animals.

She's too anxious to work but not so anxious she's fine being a cf bringing two animals and moving in without a long discussion with you first. Sure, Jan. 🙄

If she doesn't like it, she knows where the door is.

You can do too much. Minimum is paying for the food they eat and contributing to bills.
Introduce them to real life - not doing them any favours handing all on a plate.

I couldn’t stand 2 of those spongers living with me. I’d want every penny of their benefits to deter them.

Have I missed a post that said she moved in days ago?

They have anxiety so can't work? You're a fucking mug mate 🙄

OP said "She basically just arrived and is taking over the whole house"

I think days ago sounds right.

Ahh yes, true 👍

Even more bonkers then.

This is nuts. On so many levels. How embarrassing for them not to work! You need to give them some self-esteem and charge them rent. They’ll have some notion they’re alive and taking space
up in the world. Two cats 🤦🏽‍♀️ Why did you agree to this before setting down ground rules?!

They need to be paying towards bills and also buying and making their own food.

Why do they not work? I hope they help a lot around the house?

Tell them you got anxiety as well. We all do. Work can actually help because it makes you have a regular acitivity and selfesteem of providing for yourself. My DS16 asd has horrible anxiety- he's on Sertraline for his OCD due to anxiety and life is tough for him. He still needs to get up every morning and go to his vocational special school. Sometimes he says he's got a tummyache- anxiety ofcourse- and I tell him to go and call me if it gets worse. It never does. Too many young people who have anxiety and think that doing nothing will fix things- it won't.

I’d be having anxiety myself for allowing two deadbeats to hang about the house.

They’re absolutely taking you for a ride, OP.

As a minimum they need to pay 1/3 of the bills each (if it’s just the three of you), pay for their own food and the girlfriend needs to pay for all her cat expenses herself - benefits or not.

If neither of them work and you do they need to take on the majority of the housework. Anxiety might stop them from working outside the home but it doesn’t stop them from washing the dishes and hoovering etc.

This is absolutely perfect!

Send the pair of usless free loaders to the front line in Ukraine. Then they’ll know what anxiety really is.

Are you working whilst they are at home?
Are you paying a mortgage, private rent, housing association or own the home?

@DiaryofWimpy their benefits are for living costs. So yes, they should cover their costs by each giving you a weekly amount. Otherwise they are freeloaders.

OP, if you think about it, even if they pay you, it’s still free for them as it’s the tax-payer giving it to them to give to you. It should be no skin-off their nose really!

My ds and his gf lived with me after uni whilst they were saving to buy their own place. I couldn’t afford not to charge them both. I worked out my total bills (incl food) and divided it by the number of people of people in the house and they paid their share. It was cheaper for them than renting and enabled them to save. They also cooked twice a week and did their equal share of cleaning.

Definitely charge them both something and ensure they both contribute to the household in practical ways too.

Yes , you charge them rent. They’re 22! Even £150 each a month is better than nothing. You shouldn’t be expected to Clothe and feed them. Guess they’re not doing any household chores either. Cocklodger red flag.

Good advice. Be proactive!

Previous poster made a good point about whether they are claiming UC as a couple ? You should check this out as you don't want any benefit fraud going on under your roof.