Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

[DiaryofWimpy]

My DS2 has moved his girlfriend in with her 2 cats.

Obviously it’s another person using the washing machine,,TV, gas and electricity they are both 22 and don’t work but get benefits.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable asking them for money?

....what do you all do all day?

You sure? To have moved home for the G/F is quite an upheaval for someone who's crippled with anxiety enough to work.

And yes, you need to ask for money, regardless of being on benefits. You're teaching them that it's an easy ride otherwise and that just makes feelings of entitlement stronger. Everyone has to pay their way, that's being an adult.

Yep it won’t be a surprise if a kid is popped out soon @SimplyBedeviled

I’d be more surprised if that did NOT happen tbh but hopefully the cats will distract them for a while.

Ugh. Well. at least I know where my huge tax bill is going - to a couple who take the mick.

You do know that work is GOOD for young people's health, mental & physical. But I guess he's better off staying home & gaming ...

So much for the story wheeled out to women without DC - Parents who say "Well, my DC will support you in old age." Obviously not.

What does an average day look like in your house? Had your DS ever worked?

Yeah it’s weird when people use that argument considering in many cases they raised their kids on benefits, and those kids often go on to do the same which is what we are seeing with the OP situation.

Do you have any idea how serious anxiety can be? It can cause panic attacks, self harm, agrophobia, eating disorders, insomnia, feeling detached from your own body etc. Although the OP has not said how bad it is.

I note tbat the OP says she has bi-polar so her DS may well have this or a related condition, such as ADHD, which tends to involve pretty bad anxiety.

Although of course working is also very good for mental health conditions, but only if you are well enough to work. Getting a job is very difficult for young people at the moment, and all the harder for anyone who has health problems.

What do you all do all day??

Make sure they are both using birth control..

So they claim rent money to pay the OP who’s also on benefits .This is why this country’s fucked .

OP if you are single you lose your 25% do it council tax deduction?

Anxiety? How is it being managed, are either of them doing anything about it?

I also can't believe that you've just allowed this to happen.

They have anxiety about work. It entails getting up early, brushing your teeth, commuting, and doing things away from home. It doesn't suit everyone.

It’s really not

whilst I agree they need to work (not including op as I have no idea how bipolar impacts) or at least work towards working (training , volunteering etc) the country has far bigger problems than the benefits bill. Aging population, environment, and tax avoidance to name a few

I find it really shitty at how people begrudge the benefits system where even if a small percentage of them could do better none of them are living the high life. But the same people have little thought for the ongoing destruction of the planet and the massive companies that avoid putting into to our country. Be angry about the big problems not the little ones.

They have no shame.

I think it's sad. 22 years old and life of benefits already mapped out, for the g/f too. Has your son ever worked? Is he getting help for his anxiety, other than medication? Has the g/f ever worked?

You say that the g/f left an abusive relationship to move in with your son, so you've let her move in even though their relationship is new? That's really not healthy for either of them and tbh, I don't think you should've done this. She needed to get out for sure, but she needed to recover and find her feet.

As you admit that living on benefits is hard and you're not enjoying life, can you try your best to help your son get out of this same situation and live better? May be the best gift to him ever.

Is this a joke. I mean all workers just love the early starts and long commutes! The laziness is astounding. About time benefits were stopped.

How come the anxiety does not interfere in her sh... Around / dating life?

Agreed - but the thread is not about the morality of the system. It’s about a woman with bipolar who is lumbered with two cuckoos.

Tbh she needs to evict them but her Bipolar and anxiety means that this is unlikely, isn’t it?

Agree, this country is run badly but also people do need to work. It helps pay for the aging population of which you say is a problem for a start. While the country has huge problems, it shouldn't be 'ether or'.

There are families who live on benefits and people on benefits that could work. Next door neighbour have a 4 year old, neither parents work, both of them going out, getting drunk, friends over, going on hols, no anxiety or health issues I can see, even granted you cannot always tell. But their house is paid for, they get money to spend.

My own brother has lived on benefits for 30+ years, no interest in working. He's a recovered drug addict from his youth but he is actually capable to work. He said over 20 years ago that he couldn't get a job that earned as much as benefits gave him as his flat was paid for etc so he saw no point in going to work. Benefits should be for those who genuinely need them and this is exactly what should be in place to protect our vulnerable, they are a safety net but there are people who abuse the system.

Why did you allow her to move in?. They need to get jobs and move out. I don't k ow why people on here allow their children hold them ransome.

Yes, they need to get out and find work, wash windows, clean gardens, bloody right they need to be paying their way.

Are they proposing to not work and live off you for the rest of their lives?

If they are unable to work, what about

Education
Volunteering
Part time work
Doing chores round the house
Paid pet sitting

Until there is a way that can tell the genuine and the chancers, do have to keep paying for all. I don't think it's fair that someone who is genuinely sick and in need suffers because chancers have learned how to play the system. Many people would suffer badly if all benefits were stopped.