Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

[DiaryofWimpy]

My DS2 has moved his girlfriend in with her 2 cats.

Obviously it’s another person using the washing machine,,TV, gas and electricity they are both 22 and don’t work but get benefits.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable asking them for money?

Crazy. Tell then they need to pay you 400 a month to live in your house which is very cheap for two of them and pets.

You are a mug. Letting two adults stay with you free of charge. If you don't tell them to go now they will be living off you for ever.

I’d be giving them notice and booting them both. Not good for adults to think they can get comfortable living for free.

what do young people who dont work do all day?

Does anyone claim benefits?

There are only 3 sentences in the op.

How much extra does ‘watching the tv cost as a 10 than as a one?’

They are using you and treating you like a mug . They need to be paying for their own food and they need to be paying for their fair share of the utilities. They need to be doing housework. Don’t be taken for a ride and don’t let them sponge off you. They are paid benefits for living expenses and they should be giving some to you. They sound like a pair of cf.

Peace? 🤣 I can't imagine the op is getting much of that right now . And what about if she then went and moved her whole family in , is she meant to just keep quiet?

You need to put your foot down OP and start as you mean to go on otherwise it will be harder to ask for money down the line. They need to find their own place ideally.

And this is why the country’s welfare bill is sky high…. People have absolutely zero work ethic or incentive to support themselves.

Oh op, this has disaster written all over it. If she's there she should be paying rent and bills but tbh she shouldn't be there. This doesn't sound healthy for any of you.

I’ve had a chat with them.

He is paying £50 per week and she is paying £30.

Yes both should be paying their way. They are adults now and the best thing you can do for then is treat them like adults and make them responsible for their lives.

Good result.

Have you always tip toed around your son like this?

No normal person would just move someone and their two pets into someone’s house without asking or discussing it.

It sounds like he knows he can get away with doing F all in life because he’s never challenged on his behaviour.

Why are they paying different amounts? , I would charge them both the same. and I'm sorry, I know he's your son but there's no way they should be able to claim benefits for anxiety. This country is a joke.
Anyway, it's good you've had the conversation and sounds like your happy.

She doesn’t get as much as him in benefits. They weren’t happy about paying and said “you’ve got money you just got a mobile phone” I said you use WiFi electricity gas tv licence etc and the end result was him paying £50 her paying £30

I hope they are also pulling their weight with cooking and cleaning, and she is also covering the cats' expenses.

You've been very generous but don't be taken for a mug. They are adults and need not just to pay their share but also do their share. They don't get to just loaf about while you break your back for them.

It will also be good for them to have structure to their day and something constructive to do. I would expect that they would spend their time outside of job seeking to be making themselves useful at home.

Even if your son and his girlfriend aren't working, they are claiming benefits. Therefore, they have money, and both should be handing a portion of this to you.

There are people who genuinely have anxiety and struggle to work but equally there are some who use it as an excuse not to work, when they are perfectly capable.

If they're not working, then they do the vast majority of the chores in the home. If that's too much, then they need to present themselves as homeless to the local council. Sitting around in their arse isn't an option.

On a side note regarding the cats. Does the girlfriend have insurance for them, if they became unwell? Is she paying for their food? Have the cats been flea/worm treated before coming to you? Are they regularly? Not using some useless supermarket brand, but proper effective treatment from a vet? You don't want fleas in your home!! Are the cats microchipped (this is a legal requirement)?

@DiaryofWimpy YANBU at all to expect them to contribute financially, but honestly you are being an enabling doormat.
'Apparently' too anxious to work. 22, living with mum and grudgingly paying a pittance towards costs from their unearned benefits. Getting jobs might give them something more purposeful to think about than their 'mental health'. The sooner this gets clamped down on the better.
I resent every penny of my hard earned taxes that goes to support this ever increasing population.

I agree with household chores.

Also, can you set up a direct debit to ensure you get the money? It will cause a source of tension you having to ask every week.

Er no of course not! Did he even bother asking you if she could move in?? Cheeky so and sos - I hope their doing their fair share of housework

Well done for holding your ground.
Make sure you don't backtrack.
Put a set time limit to review the situation. Eg 'im quite happy now but I'd like to review it in September and work out what your long term plans are.'

They’re never going to get jobs if you’re housing them and feeding them for free.

That’s a very short term issue sorted -

your bigger most important role is to hold your son to account for not tackling his anxiety / anxious avoidance / fecklessness??

you are enabling him to waste his young life -
you are colluding with this being OK -

volunteer job
engaging with access to work
litter picking in community
doing the garden

what is he actually doing ??

what do you do ? Do you work ?
is this generational ????