Someone hit my car nearly 2 weeks ago.

[NewPlumCat]

Hi,
Someone ran their car into the back of me when I was stationary at the traffic which were red. The person said he got distracted by the passengers in the back and said, its just an accident. I was really upset and was trembling with shock and said, well you nearly killed me. He called the emergency service for me and I called the police. My car was totally smashed up from behind. The emergency services came and examined me and took me to A&E where I had scans done and the doctors said I've suffered muscular injury. The man admitted liability to his insurance and I have been given a courtesy car which I haven't drove for nearly 2 weeks. I am going through extreme shock and distress imagining all sorts of worst case scenarios as I've never been hit like this in the 25 years of driving and now can't ever imagine ever getting into a car again and driving because I keep thinking it will happen again and this time it will kill me.
My car has been deemed as a total loss. I need some advice?

OK. Shit happens. It was an accident.

But you need to pull yourself together here, get a grip and stop being so melodramatic.

It will only ruin your life if you let it. Put it in perspective. You didn't die. Didn't even break a bone. Just a bit of muscular damage which will improve after physio.

I had exactly the same 15 years ago. A guy fell asleep at the wheel and smashed into the back of me at about 40 mph whilst I was waiting at the red light. Yes it was scary and the clang of metal was awful, but life goes on. It took me a while t not brace myself at traffic lights for a year but since then Ive had 15 years of uneventful driving.

I agree with PP that it will only ruin your life if you let it.

I was a relative driving newbie (two years after passing my test) when I had a two serious accidents requiring hospital visits within a month. Neither were my fault (although in hindsight as a more experienced driver I could have driven into a hedge for number two - but then he would have got away with drink driving).

I was very upset and became even more aware that a vehicle in the wrong hands is a weapon, but I have good hands so I will continue to drive for necessity and pleasure.

I think unless you've been in a similar situation it's hard to relate.

@NewPlumCat I was in a minor accident recently but would have been a lot worse if I hadn't anticipated it and pulled forward a bit just in time. The car behind me, which was hit first, was thrown across the duel carriageway and it was very shocking. Luckily no serious injuries in the cars involved but I was struck by the feeling of powerlessness of that situation. It took me a long time to feel confident again on the road and I'm still now much more cautious. I was previously a confident (potentially over confident) driver. You will be ok, but I totally get it. I had to drive as it's my only way of getting to work but I felt stressed and panicky at first. You'll be ok but I think it's very understandable to feel like that now.

I had whiplash and other injuries after a driver slammed into the back of my car. She was going at least 60mph. I had stopped. I was in a state of extreme shock and in real pain.
Give yourself time to recover. But definitely don’t frame it in terms of this person having ruined your life or that you can’t drive again. That won’t help.

I had a horrible car accident a few years ago. Rolled my car. Trapped, freed by emergency services. Air ambulance dispatched. It never occurred to me to think that my life was ruined.

That must have been terrifying. I hope you’re OK - and driving again - now.

I read the other day that playing Tetris (yes, really) helps with PTSD. Something to do with how traumatic memories lodge in the same part of the brain and playing Tetris helps shift them/stops them lodging there in the first place. The sooner you start playing after the event the better. Might be a load of old tosh, but it’s certainly worth a try.

If you dont think you are safe to drive then dont you could kill someone but this seems all out of proportion so seek mental health help if you think you need it

You might have felt nervous going back on the road though? I'd be very surprised if not.

I think also there's something about being hit by another driver which is particularly horrible as it's totally out of your control. I think it's normal to have a level of PTSD. The OP will get over it but she's obviously still in the moment, and I can remember what that feels like.

I am starting to think this entire post is a wind up

These thing you can do is get right back out in your car and drive, pick quieter times until you feel more confident, take someone with you.

my dds friend was in a head on collision when learning to drive( uninsured driver lost control and crashed into her) she didn’t want to drive again but instructor turned up at her door the next week and took her out. She now confidently has passed her test and drives again.

you have to think that you’ve driven for 25 years and this is the first time a minor incident has occurred.

Op your feelings are entirely valid. I’m sorry you have come here for some comfort in what feels like a terrifying experience and are being told you are over reacting.
There’s no right or wrong way to feel and how you feel right now will likely pass as you come to terms with it.

Give yourself some time to process it all but like others have said the quicker you get back out there the easier it will be because too much thinking about it first and you will only talk yourself out of it and it will seem harder.
I would start with small trips to a local shop and then a bit further, go with someone so you have someone there to talk to if it helps.
You are clearly very shaken up and probably still in pain which is a constant reminder right now.
Maybe an appointment with the GP might be an option for you if you feel that you can’t manage the shock but time is a great healer so don’t write yourself off as a driver just yet.
None of this is your fault and you will get through it even if you don’t see it now.

Of course I was. But I knew I had to do it as soon as I was physically recovered enough to do so.

And of course I was in shock. I still think about it when I drive that route, which is frequently.

But to say it’s ruined the OP’s life is ludicrous and, quite frankly, insulting to those who are dealing with much worse or those who have had accidents where they have suffered life changing or life ending accidents.

Agree with most other people in that your reaction to this accident is very out or proportion and you would benefit from some help in talking it through and getting things into perspective.

Wow, talk about dramatics.

You had a shunt, you went to hospital. You were found to have a muscular injury which is quite common for a shunt. He admitted liability and the insurance companies are sorting it out.
With how dramatic you are being I can only pray you never get back behind the wheel again.

OP, meant kindly but the other driver was responsible for crashing into you. You are responsible for not seeming to be willing to address your mental state.

You are absolutely catastrophising, you are wallowing in it.....don't make this a "thing".

8 years (ISH) ago, someone smashed into me at a roundabout, the impact was so severe that it shifted me into the car in front of me and wrote off my car completely. I had to have physio for weeks, I had just dropped off my baby twins at nursery so I was very grateful they weren't in the car.

I carried on with life.

18 months ago someone pulled out of a junction into the side of my car and wrote my car off. Again. My children weren't in the car and for that I was grateful. No physio needed.

I carried on with life.

I might be involved in another accident at some point. That's just life.

Not driving doesn't mean anything, you could step out in front of a bus tomorrow, you could get trampled by a herd of cows!

Get some therapy, see if the insurance will pay for it, or does your employer have an employee assistance program?

But don't just settle into your fear- it will paralyse you!

You need some therapy to help with your feelings.

Are you pursuing a personal injury claim for the whiplash? They may cover some EMDR trauma therapy for you too. Speak to your insurance or legal cover if you have it.

You need to speak to someone.

Over time you can have lessons again with an instructor if you feel able to get back in a car even just to help you be a passenger. Going from always driving to always walking seems massive step and with help you may not need to do this.

You don't need to think about the future just now except for getting some help with the trauma.

You can claim injuries and trauma to your insurance company, they will send you to their doctor for a report and you may get offered compensation. And costs of treatments paid if you have to go to a private physiotherapist or a psychologist to hep you come to terms with what happened.

I got hit on the motorway by a foreign lorry, my car was spun several times and then rolled over a fence into a field, it was a write off. Quite a shock and minor injuries, although my neck has never been right since! I did get a pretty minor payment for the neck injury and some physiotherapy, but I was just glad it wasn't much more serious. I had no choice but to get straight back in the courtesy car, I had to get to work and get the kids to school, neither doable any other way.

Blimey OP - if this shunt has "ruined your life" how would you describe your life if, say, you had both legs amputated? Or went blind? 🙄

SUCH over dramatics!

Yes really need a sense of perspective, it is highly unlikely to be killed by being hit in the back at traffic lights.

https://carolcsharptherapy.co.uk/driving-rehabilitation.html
It’s a shock, I’m sorry you’re going through this OP.

it’s very possible to overcome it with the right help.

Carol C Sharp is a therapist with immense expertise helping people overcome driving issues as a result of trauma, accident, anxiety, confidence etc. she got me back to confident driving after years of avoidance.

the earlier you get expert help, the better.

You can't relate to this if you haven't been in a similar situation. It was a horrific near death experience. Only the person that goes through something that bad will understand. He nearly killed me. I am suffering with severe trauma by this happening.

He didn’t nearly kill you. You’re catastrophizing and while it feels very scary, going down this route won’t help you. Get some therapy and see if you can get in for some advanced driving lessons (not to learn but to have someone beside you while you start driving again) or a friend and start driving again.

If you are still feeling this way, I think you need to investigate some counselling. Its very easy to live your in a secluded and sheltered way, but thats not really a life.

You could be hit by a bus walking down the road, you could be in a train crash, you could get a paper cut opening a letter that turns septic.... there are so many bad things that can happen in the world

Seriously - investigate counselling

I feel very sorry for the obvious trauma you’re experiencing but you’re catastrophising. A rear end shunt isn’t a near death experience. @ThatInbetweenBigCoatAndJacketWeather had a near death experience, you didn’t.

It’s entirely understandable that you were shaken and probably clinically shocked after it but you didn’t nearly die and your life isn’t ruined. You need to get some professional help to get some perspective on this because your reaction is very extreme.