Someone hit my car nearly 2 weeks ago.

[NewPlumCat]

Hi,
Someone ran their car into the back of me when I was stationary at the traffic which were red. The person said he got distracted by the passengers in the back and said, its just an accident. I was really upset and was trembling with shock and said, well you nearly killed me. He called the emergency service for me and I called the police. My car was totally smashed up from behind. The emergency services came and examined me and took me to A&E where I had scans done and the doctors said I've suffered muscular injury. The man admitted liability to his insurance and I have been given a courtesy car which I haven't drove for nearly 2 weeks. I am going through extreme shock and distress imagining all sorts of worst case scenarios as I've never been hit like this in the 25 years of driving and now can't ever imagine ever getting into a car again and driving because I keep thinking it will happen again and this time it will kill me.
My car has been deemed as a total loss. I need some advice?

Lots of people saying this wasn't a major accident and while I suspect that's right it would be helpful if you could tell us how fast the other driver was going when he hit you, OP? 20mph? Fast enough to do a lot of damage but well within the capability of the car to fully protect you. 50mph? That's a serious accident in anyone's book, understand your fears.

But regardless, as other PPs have said, one accident in 25 years means the next one could be in another 25 years* so you need to get a sense of perspective.

*I know statistics don't work like this.

@NewPlumCat I had the same thing happen to me. I was 10 cars back at a red light. I was on a bridge, so nowhere to go. I watched the car behind me drive about 800 metres and drive into me at 60km/hr. He braked probably 5 metres from my car. Took out my just filled petrol tank, buckled the chassis. Lucky for me it was a light commercial chassis, so a bit stronger than a passenger vehicle. Still, I only had a millimetre clearance on the doors. My excel would have been jammed shut with me trapped inside. I had a bad concussion.

I've driven since I was young - grew up on a farm so learned on private roads, and I've driven a lot. So confidence and capability weren't an issue. That said, 15 years on, I still get panicky if people don't look to be slowing down when I'm stopped at lights.

I'd recommend driving as soon as you are able. Just go on a short trip somewhere familiar and easy. Then build on that.

I would echo others who say you should consider getting some counselling or other help for your extreme reaction to this accident. Yes, it's given you a fright, and it's easy to think of the 'what ifs', but this was a relatively minor bump, if you're both OK (barring a bit of stiffness/soreness) afterwards. Your car is probably a total loss, because that's how cars are made now - to absorb the impact, and have crush zones to protect passengers. It's also almost impossible to hit the windscreen in modern cars, if you're wearing a seatbelt.. It really doesn't sound like death was imminent, but I do appreciate you feel that at the time. Hopefully those facts help you in getting confidence again.

I think you're now building driving up to be a terrifying thing. If you leave it, and don't do it because it's scary, you might find that it becomes this massive thing, which you won't ever do again. You could go out with a trusted friend/family member, and drive the car somewhere really quiet, just to get over your nerves. There are even driving instructors who could do that for you.

I've had someone go into the back of me twice, in my 32 years of driving. Yes, it gives you a fright. I've also been in a 7 car pile up (icy weather), and had someone reverse into me in a car park. (Only the pile up was even partially my fault, just for the record!) All of these have shaken me up at the time, but the best advice I got was that I should drive again straight away - barring injury and car drive-ability - as otherwise it's a 'thing'.

Getting back into your car as soon as possible is really important. Why dont you try to a driving instructor to take you out once or twice while you are feeling this way? I think that can be better than counselling actually.

Edited to say - Something happened to my heart and chest and i thought i was going to die and I can still remember how extreme it was. This was adrenaline - you feel it in your heart - its your body putting you into survival mode when something bad happens.

Were you a worrier before the accident? Although having some anxiety would be normal, categorically ruling out ever driving again is a very extreme reaction.

But in the same vein someone could mow you down as a pedestrian as well. Does that mean you won’t ever walk anywhere?

Where’s there’s blame there’s a claim and all that…

I think that people are being unfair to the poster who is anxious after being rear ended. We dont know what else happened in her life to make her respond like this - some previous trauma could have been retriggered.

My daughters are adopted and one of them has become completely hysterical on several occasions in response to relatively minor incidents. She was removed from her birth family at 6 months, but it involved a lot of police and sirens, flashing lights etc. She has no control over her response - she runs, so it's not the "flop" response the other poster has, but it can be similar in thst something deeply buried has been triggered.

I think you’re clearly still in shock, which will pass. I think rationalizing this in your head will help - you’ve been driving 25 years and this is the only time this has happened. So you’d have done thousands and thousands of car journeys before that with nothing bad happening. So the odds of it not happening again are really good for you. Imagine if you entered a competition and the odds were, for example, 50000 to 1 of you winning. You wouldn’t expect to win, would you? I mean the possibility is there but it’s HIGHLY unlikely. So it’s the same thing with driving. You were unlucky once but put the chances of it happening again in perspective. Start with a very short drive, to the end of the road and back, and build up your confidence gradually.

Accidents can be scary especially when you are stationary. I was hit while stationary on a motorbike, and yes, the feeling of vulnerability and helplessness may take time to clear - especially when it's 2 tonnes of metal against 7 and half stone me.

The anxiety will subside in time. The key is to try to not ruminate over it, and to continue with your life as best you can. I had nightmares for weeks and became focused on enhancing my visibility to other road users - bulked up the intensity of my rear light, went from a black to white helmet, etc - and became more vigilant at traffic lights of vehicles approaching from behind. But I got back on the bike. That was 20 years ago, and I still ride today.

You mentioned that you now walk rather than drive - this is a good thing and you should lean into this whenever feasible. Being car dependent and the sedentary lifestyle that so many of us lead is the root and accelerant of many health issues.

So there is a silver lining to this cloud. Hang in there. Time heals.

Those who say one accident in 25 years is ok and will never happen again..my first entrapment, I was 13,df driving me to school..rounded a left hand bend,had a blow out,car went up a high bank, dropped back down onto the road resting on the drivers side..I'm standing on my DFS face, trying frantically to get out.. just outside our village. Second time, coming home from a late shift,a couple of miles from home (that's where the majority of RTCs occur) duel carriage way. Straight road,10pm,in winter. No other vehicles in sight. Suddenly rammed from the rear,hands flew off the steering wheel,feet off the pedals. Car obviously continues at same speed for a few moments. It overturned 3 times, over metal railings down an embankment, came to Rest on passenger side. I couldn't open the door, luckily other drivers behind stopped,3 of them were convinced I would be dead. I always wore seatbelts long before they compulsory (5 years working in the ED) driver was"known"to the police,no insurance or licence. Stopped off at the nearby pub! I would have probably frozen. Third.... hopefully final. DH was driving, went round a left hand bend, country lane,yup couple of miles from home. Car on the other side,main beam,it took seconds,he was blinded,up the bank hit an oak tree, dropped onto the road, resting on drivers side. I'm in the back,DD front passenger. He kicked out the sun roof. I passed the advanced driving test with a police examiner and also did the high performance course for motorway driving. DH has been rear ended twice.

I can certainly understand your fear of driving. I experienced fear of going in cars after lockdown. The only way to get over it is to to get in a car and drive. I would suggest a 5 minute drive at a quiet time and build up from there.

Your experience is exceptionally different from the norm.

Do churches catch fire when you walk past them?

Hi OP, I was also recently in a crash and have not found driving easy since. I was always aware of how bad people drove around me but now I feel like I’m dodging accidents all the time and I know just how much it hurts to get hit now.

my advice - the sooner you get back on the horse, the better. If you delay it, it just gets harder and you may never ride again. Call a driving instructor and get some lessons explaining the situation. Claim them back as part of the claim.

Honestly, I don't think you should be behind the wheel. Your reaction is pretty over the top for something that a lot of us (including myself) have been through. I think you need to look into therapy.

You have no idea how fast the third party was going or how much damage was done so your comment is pretty over the top.

WTAF, no,churches don't catch fire,why ,do you think I'm evil! I have been in 2 fires, I used to think was really unlucky, jinxed, but you could argue that I am actually very lucky.

My advice is to get in that courtesy car and drive to Tescos or something. A short journey and make sure you do one a day.

I’ve had similar and was also struggling with driving but I had to get on with it. No choice for me as a carer.

@NewPlumCat
You say your head nearly hit the windscreen. How close do you sit to the steering wheel?

My mum was crashed into about 12 years ago when someone jumped a red. Drove into the side of her and pushed her into a traffic light. She suffered with severe whiplash which caused her to have a lot of pain for a few weeks. The anxiety around driving is still there now and she avoids driving as much as possible. If she had powered through the anxiety in the beginning, maybe it wouldn’t be as bad now.

It sounds really scary op. I think you've identified the issue yourself. You are experiencing a degree of shock after a traumatic event. This web page has some very useful advice for you. If these feelings persist for more than a few weeks then go and see your gp.

https://www.chelwest.nhs.uk/your-visit/patient-leaflets/burns/coping-with-the-stress-of-a-traumatic-incident-1

Thank you for your message and i'm so sorry to hear about your experience.
I haven't driven sinxe the accident and don't think i will ever drive again.

He was going quite fast to hit me that hard and cause that much damage to my car. It was the most horrific experience i've had in the 25 years of driving. He must have been doing atleast 40mph on a 30mph road. He said he got distracted because the passengers in the back were talking very loudly and then he said, it was juat an accident. I was very upset and said, well you.nearly killed me. He's ruined my life and left me so traumatised and in shock that i will never be able to drive again.

Yes, the crash sounded scary.

But if you refuse to drive you’re only making your life harder.

And it’s going to make driving into a massive deal. You’re better off continuing to drive and normalising it.

You’re not going to be any safer by not driving, you could be struck down as a pedestrian. Or on a bike. Or in a taxi. Will you never go anywhere now?

Ruined your life?! Are you kidding?!

With all due respect, if you say he has ruined your life and you'll never drive again then that mindset will never go away.
It's a bit unfair to put this on him, it was an accident, it happens and it's your mindset that is ruining your life.
Oh and I doubt he was doing 40mph, having been rear ended myself, if you are stationary the impact feels so much worse.
Please get counselling, speak to your insurers to see if they can sort something

Stop with all the ridiculous drama queen histrionics FFS 🙄 Are you trying to build up a case for compo?