to be getting irate at friends with adult DC who do not work?

[goldenteapot]

My DC are in their mid-late 20s and all in work - but are the exception among family and friends. They have around 12 cousins - none of whom have ever worked in so much as a local pub or shop, and all live in their parents' naice houses gaming all day. Lots have one or two degrees, so are not stupid by any means! I think statistically about 50% of young adults of this age that are not working - but among my family and friends it's very much higher.

It's a similar story with friends: every adult child is depressed or anxious and/or autistic so cannot work. The assumption seems to be that the jobs market is too difficult and their children can't cope. Conversation when we meet is all about how frustrated everyone is because they can't get their DC to work or do anything around the house.

I just want to shake them all! They are providing no tough love or reasons that these children will ever work and live independently.

AIBU to be losing my patience with everyone, or am I a bit of a bitch and working life really is too tough these days for young people?

My daughter has ASD and other challenges. She has worked full time since 18 for a well known company. She gets up everyday and goes to work…it has taught her so much!

She gets PIP (or the Scottish equivalent, whatever it's now called), a Blue Badge, and some fittings installed at home (bedroom, shower, next to the toilet, the hallway, and living room) to help her mobility.

I agree with you. There seems to be such a fear of failure now that people just don’t even try. And immediate gratification is key. What happened to the shitty jobs, shitty flats etc.? In many cases they can be the making of a person’s character and sense of resilience. There are so many threads on Mumsnet from parents whose children are just coasting and purposefully unemployed (in the last week alone I’ve seen threads about one child wanting to quit an apprenticeship with no backup, another quitting and moving home with £10k debt, and two more in their thirties/forties who are permanently unemployed and asking for bailouts).

And I know this is controversial but in every case it’s because they know someone will step in and save them: their parents.

Yes i know what you mean

You are sounding quite smug TBH. I have two children who are flying in life and a 12 year old with autism. I can already see how much harder these things will be for him.

No matter how much of a Victorian approach I take with parenting.

I used to think the older two's fab engagement with school, love of books and varied diets were due to my fabulous parenting.

Then my ASD son came along and wiped that smug smile off my face 😂

What did people used to do before there were benefits? What do people do in other countries where benefits are not so generous or non-existent?

Google is free. Look it up.

There were/ are more entry levels jobs I would imagine

I mean, premature death, crime and sky high rates of total destitution are the obvious outcomes (or in Victorian times, the workhouse). Begging, internet scams (Nigerian prince factories), dependency on family members meaning the costs of disability are not spread fairly between everyone in society, child labour in some countries where there aren't the resources to police it properly (if you can't work your children will have to in your place), women and their children unable to leave abusive partners.

India is an example of somewhere without much of a welfare state and they have all of these problems in spades. Gangs of homeless children live on the streets and fend for themselves. But then look at the tent cities in places like America - we have a few here now too. I think a high proportion of homeless people have a disability.

I was just looking up what happens to the mentally ill in other countries. Mentally ill in Nigeria get shackled and locked up in sheds. Out of sight and out of mind.

In the US, you have swathes of people living under bridges and in tunnels.

Don't worry, Oona is always vocal about this on MN. Ill people just need to get a job and they will be cured.

The state of the job market right now is a whole different thread. 2.5 job seekers (able bodied and actively looking) for every vacancy right now. Figures on the ONS site.

If people were more keen to work and more productive at work, there would be more jobs as multinationals would be more keen to invest in the UK.

There are not enough jobs for people who are able and ready to work.

What a naive and blinkered comment.

Absolutely. I think a lot of people just don't want to acknowledge it.

I call BS on that one.

A friend of mine runs a small local company providing "Washroom services" ie collecting sani bins and other paper waste from companies.
Recently she needed another employee and advertised locally.

The job entailed taking a transit van (which she could keep at home) to places of work and collecting/emptying various bins, signing a sheet for the business, then the rubbish went back to a Depo to be disposed of.
There was a route to follow and the driver could start and finish when they liked. Protective equipment was provided and the bins were not heavy.

They were paid over the min wage.

It would suit a person with school-age kids as it could be fitted around school hours.
She got two enquiries and arranged interviews.
One didn't even turn up but she arranged to take the other out in the van to show them the route and what the job entailed. She set them on and they lasted a month then said they didn't like it and left.

IMO some people just have no sticking power.

Unemployment is a red herring.
Look back at previous rates
1984 was 11.4%,
1992 was 10.2%
2011 was 8.4%
2025. Was/is 5.2%

Yes it might be worse in 2025 than a few years ago but look back. We managed then

You don't think the gig economy and zero-hours contracts might factor into those figures just a teeny bit? 🤔 You can't call a zero-hours job a real job when it can be (and frequently is) lost at the drop of a hat.

ETA: and actually, it's all very well and good to say 'We managed then'. I doubt anyone from a mining/steelworker's family in the 80s would agree with your breezy assessment.

Substitute 'managed' for put up with and found ways to move forward. Pointing out we have had it worse. People have short memories.

I think it's blurry now though because many people who were once classed as unemployed are now classed as disabled. From my understanding, this is because the tories, coming in after a Labour government, wanted to be seen to have done wonders for unemployment which the public were angry about, and simply transferred a lot of long term unemployed people with little hope of ever finding a job, to disability benefits, therefore forever changing the distribution. In a lot of countries with lower disability numbers, higher numbers are unemployed. Overall, a similar number of people are not working.

In some countries and eras one wage is used to support a large extended family, including uncles, aunts, grandparents, parents.

@ThatFairy good luck with turning everything around, the teeth will make a huge difference in terms of confidence, also hygiene, the whole thing, and I think you will spiral upwards. great that you have got the right meds in place too. You sound motivated. part-time work can be a good starting point if you have difficulties that might otherwise keep you out of the workplace, I would always encourage someone to do it, even if they get 50% taken away due to being on benefits and capped, but the motivation and pride aspects are important and often lead to other things. I hope it works out for you.

Look up the ONS figures regarding job vacancies compared to active jobseekers.
Look at the countless threads where parents of newly graduated children are worried they are applying for anything and everything and getting nowhere.

Your anecdote regarding one job vacancy does not mean much in the scheme of things.

But imo we shouldn't be looking at how much worse it could be and shrugging philosophically, we should be getting angry at how badly this country has been screwed over by successive governments over multiple decades. Things didn't get into the state they did overnight, and blaming the less fortunate as so many seem to do nowadays isn't going to solve anything.

I could fill this thread up with similar anecdotes.

This government seems Hell-bent on penalising small businesses, yet we are the ones who are doing our bit to support the economy.

If you employ staff, are you paying them enough to live on?