to be getting irate at friends with adult DC who do not work?

[goldenteapot]

My DC are in their mid-late 20s and all in work - but are the exception among family and friends. They have around 12 cousins - none of whom have ever worked in so much as a local pub or shop, and all live in their parents' naice houses gaming all day. Lots have one or two degrees, so are not stupid by any means! I think statistically about 50% of young adults of this age that are not working - but among my family and friends it's very much higher.

It's a similar story with friends: every adult child is depressed or anxious and/or autistic so cannot work. The assumption seems to be that the jobs market is too difficult and their children can't cope. Conversation when we meet is all about how frustrated everyone is because they can't get their DC to work or do anything around the house.

I just want to shake them all! They are providing no tough love or reasons that these children will ever work and live independently.

AIBU to be losing my patience with everyone, or am I a bit of a bitch and working life really is too tough these days for young people?

“every adult child is depressed or anxious and/or autistic so cannot work”

Be glad your own children don’t struggle like this and don’t make judgements about those that do.

Yep daughter’s boyfriend, does not work, graduated a year ago, living with parents. No thinking outside the box, lazy approach to applications and one job interview he did have he don’t prepare for. Parents fairly well off don’t seem to mind.

Our neighbour’s 33 year old son has never worked. He has a degree and a masters and completely stalled after that.

Everyone talks about this as if it's an issue of the individuals.
But when something is so prevalent, and has changed relatively fast, maybe the question should be, what is it in society that has caused this reaction to it?

And if you seriously cannot look at the state we're in with late stage capitalism and the world as it is currently and its direction of travel, and not see quite clearly why many people might be anxious, depressed, and choose to opt out of the frankly dire conditions which, if they did opt in, would largely benefit others who already have, rather than themselves or others who don't have, then I feel you are lacking in imagination.

I'm in my 40s, relatively privileged, and I feel it. I can only imagine how much more I would feel it were I younger or less privileged or both.

But it's a characteristic of humans that we prefer to blame individuals than structural societal issues.

Capitalism as it stands needs a radical rethink. Ageing demographics, AI's impact on jobs, climate change, pressure on resources until peak population has passed - we need new solutions. But as the people who have the power and make decisions benefit from the status quo, we will not get them.

Silent and sullen indifference and checking out seems eminently understandable. And I suspect for most of them it's largely unconscious so they don't even really understand why they're so apathetic and therefore cannot organise and become active to try to make changes.

I think statistically about 50% of young adults of this age that are not working

50% of people in their mid to late 20s are not working? I’ve never read that @goldenteapot

There are 4.5m people aged 25-29…

I just don't know why you're so heavily invested in this?! What my friends' children do is their business.

Clearly it's a v unusual situation if ALL your friends' DC aren't working, the unemployment rate is nowhere near even 50% to my knowledge.

Admittedly it would maybe be annoying if your friends were wanging on about their children not working, yet enabling it by catering to their every need, but this doesn't seem to be your complaint. Let it go and be grateful your children aren't the same.

Is this just another ageist thread bashing the young? bit pointless as they aren’t going fo
read it!

The job market is hard though. I had a NEET at home for a year and it wasn't for the want of trying. All the basic school leaver roles are flooded with applications by older people with work experience. And the longer it went on, the more disadvantaged he became as the period he was unemployed for got longer and his confidence dropped. And this was a teen without mental health difficulties.

It doesn't matter how much you push, you can't attend interviews for them and the last thing a teen in that situation needs is to be chucked out on the street.

That seems really unusual, I dont know anyone in their mid twenties not working or studying, most have graduated now though and in work it's the only ones doing medicine who are still studying.

I only know of one person who doesn't work and it's my husbands cousin who only just left his job. All the kids round here get jobs as teens and the ones I know have good work ethics. My 13 year old is already asking when he can get a part time job.

I do try to avoid saying anything at all, but sometimes I struggle. E.g. yesterday a friend was saying that their DC doesn't get up until 2pm every day, and I said 'Why do you allow that?' and they looked appalled and said "They are an adult!"

But I'd be in their room hoovering at 8am and turning off the wifi.

(Mine also have these struggles. One is autistic (with a diagnosis) but early jobs in shops really helped them learn the rules e.g. eye contact, transactional conversation - and their manager was great/brutal at explaining how this worked. It really helped.)

So literally everyone you know has children that don't work and do nothing but game? That seems...unlikely 🤔

I'm not sure this is entirely down to parenting. My DD is autistic and got her first job in a pizzeria when she was 16. She worked in a newsagents throughout her degree and has been working in a professional role since she graduated. I'd like to take credit for her outlook, but if I'm honest I think it's something that's come from within her, not from me.

I dont think the "university" culture has helped tbh. Once upon a time it you had to have sparkling grades and dedication to get into university. It was a badge of honour for the ordinary family.
Then along came Big Tone with his "education, education, education" bolonely and suddenly, you pays your money, yoj takes your chance.
Working in retail where students are often employed to supplement their income, I was astonished to meet many of them who seemed almost incapable of even stringing a sentence together. Their writing and spelling was often unintelligible. These people are meant to be our future!!
Now many of them are stuck with 1000s in debt and rising, pointless mickey mouse degrees ( who needs a degree in The Beatles) some languishing at home with their XBOX, others on minimum wage employment.
Add into the mix the helicopter parenting and never saying "no" and there we have it.
The perfect storm 🙄

I am not sure why other people's lives annoy you?

It seems a very small world, doesn't it? And you're right - where has the desire to do these things gone?

Is tech partly to blame? Living a virtual life opposed to a real one?

From here: https://commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/sn05871/

"there were 3.86 million young people aged 16 to 24 in employment, 153,000 more than the previous year. The employment rate for young people was 51.7%, up from 50.5% the year before."

I don't think the comments about
"It's a similar story with friends: every adult child is depressed or anxious and/or autistic so cannot work" is very fair Op. It's a massive leap and insulting to people living with this every day. The spectrum is huge and unless you are about to drip feed that you are an expert, best not to judge others when you don't know what their reality is like.

I just saw your update that your child is autistic but doing well with skills, surely you realise not everyones experience is like this.

All my friends’ DC work. Those who struggled just work in retail or pubs as managers rather than fulfilling their supposed academic promise. My own autistic DS works in tech and is hugely successful already. Not sure who you are friends with. But then we did push ours and they mostly attended grammar schools or some friends kids private schools and all were expected to have a full schedule from an early age. There was no mollycoddling of anyone’s DC. Most also have really good social skills, have travelled, would much rather participate in life than sit on screens.

Never said they did.
But the reality is that there is a not insignificant number of young people out there who will find it almost impossible to get paid employment.

What @Tintarella said. Say whatever you like to your friends about your adult DC!

@goldenteapot But 16 is not mid to late 20s as per your OP! 😆

I wouldn’t expect many 16/17 year olds to be in work, what are the averages over the last decade?

How could someone have prevented an adult from claiming the benefits they're entitled to though?

As you say, parents can't 'make' their adult DC get a job. They have to have the nous to get one off their own steam.

I don't know all the stats - I'm just pointing that one out as I remembered reading it and at the time I was thinking about the implications for future economy/tax-paying.

I don't know all the stats

Clearly, so why on earth would you extrapolate your friendship circle to the rest of the country?

But most will be in education or training, only about 12-13% of young people are classed as NEETS.