AIBU to consider shaving my 7-year-old’s legs after teasing?

[Gillettegirl]

I mentioned to DD7 this morning (as I was trying to cram her arm into her polo shirt that’s suddenly too small) it won’t be long before she can start wearing her summer uniform dresses to school. She looked upset by this and asked if she could wear tights with them. I said she’d be too hot in the summer in tights, to which she replied, ‘well I’ll still be wearing my cardigans in the summer’.

DD has olive skin, and the hairs on her arms and legs do show up against her skin (they fade in summer to be less noticeable). Turns out one of the boys in her class has told her she is so hairy she looks like a boy. I said that just because one person said that it doesn’t mean it’s true. This boy is a bit of a gobby character and apparently a few of the girls in the class agreed with him, so she said it must be true.

DD does sports outside of school, which I encourage as I want her to be confident about her body, and all the other benefits exercise brings. Nobody at her sports classes has ever mentioned her ‘hairiness’ but I wonder how long it will be before she loses confidence and doesn’t want to go anymore.

Now, my initial response was ‘sod it, let’s just shave her arms and legs, then’ – I shave mine, we live in the UK where it’s the norm, chances are she’ll end up shaving when she’s a teenager anyway, so what’s the point in making her suffer the next few years at primary school, for the sake of thinking she’s too young to be shaved. For info – I will be shaving her if we do it – not going to let her loose with a razer blade until she’s much older. I think her being confident about her body is extremely important, and once that confidence is lost, it’s difficult to get back.

On the other hand, it pisses me off that we’re in this situation at such a young age. I also don’t want to set off an idea in her head that if there’s something you’re not happy with in your appearance, you can just change it, and set her on a path of endless facelifts, boob jobs and butt lifts. Probably overthinking things here.

Don’t shave her – you are being unreasonable
Shave her – you are NOT being unreasonable

I wouldn’t do it at 7, especially if it’s only been this one boy who has made the comments. I would actually tell the teacher and perhaps suggest they discuss, at an appropriate time, the need for us to be kind to others who might have different physical features (as I’m sure they already are doing), because it’s not okay for that boy to be making fun of her hair. Dark hair always will show up against skin, it’s not a crime to have it, instead of the thin, blonde or light brown arm and leg hair most white people have in the UK.

What if she had a medical condition that caused her hair to be more noticeable (as I do, for example), would you still advocate shaving her at the age of 7? I get that she’s upset, it’s so hard to see them tear up about these things. However, even if she shaves this year, that won’t guarantee kids won’t make a nasty comment about something else…

As someone who got teased as a child for exactly the same thing, I would do it.

I would iimagine it would make the teasing worse given she'll have black stubble, leading to insults like 'you shave like a boy/man'

I think examples is the way to go to help her have confidence this is just normal for men and women and some women have lots of hair on their bodies and some men dont have hardly any, its normal

I think its personal op

When it comes nearer summer give dd the choice. There isnt a right or wrong answer imo its what she feels comfortable with.

Me too.

Shes SEVEN op. Please, please dont do this.

You need to tell the teacher that this happened. They all need to be told they cannot make fun of another child.

In the school my children went to the message was very clear, do not comment on someone's physical appearance unless it is to say something nice and complimentary. It was framed as we are sure you wouldn't want people saying horrible things to you to make you upset would you?

At that age, I wouldn’t be minimising her feelings, which are a valid reaction, but I’d be trying to work on resilience and giving her the right words to come back at him with. Also if it’s only to her, be having a word with the teacher.

At 7?! No way! Spend your time teaching her how to politely respond to idiotic comments. Wouldn't it be fab if no woman ever felt obligated to shave their legs because of the outdated attitudes of men?

I think it’s a very personal decision but at 7 , it seems very young to start. Kids are cruel and it’s so hurtful for both your daughter and you….but as a retired teacher, we can’t “fix” everything for our children at school. Say she does shave her arms and legs and he finds something else to pick on? What if he started to mention, I dunno, her eyebrows? Her teeth? or something else ridiculous after this? I’d think I’d ask for a meeting with her teacher before I started going through with the shaving

If it would make her feel more comfortable, then yes I'd do it. I started shaving my legs secretly when I was about 9ish because I hated them being hairy (even though my hair wasn't that dark) and ended up cutting myself all the time. I'd rather have had the help and support!

It's all very well saying tell the teacher, build resilience, body confidence etc but whether certain woman like it or not, some girls and women simply don't like to have hairy legs. If she's one of them, then help her.

I'd speak to the teacher about the horrible boy but also have a plan to do her legs in the not too distant future.

I started doing mine when I was 9 as everyone bullied me.

And what if we choose to shave them because we prefer it that way and it's nothing to do with men.

Theres no 7 year old boys hearing the word 'hairy' about their bodies and feeling insulted by that

Hairy is associated with maleness and if you are a hairy female (me), its seen as unfeminine and therefore something to be got rid of.

Op whatever you do re shaving please please let the school know .
They must 100% crack down on this and stamp it out.
Ofsted is all over misogeny at the moment so please please please flag this urgently to the school. It's wholly unacceptable.

These threads always go the same way. One group of women who were hairy children but weren't allowed to shave who say to go for it and another group of women who aren't hairy who say to focus on confidence and resilience. I've noticed that women who were hairy children almost always say to shave. I think some women don't understand how much body hair other women can have. Difficult to say without knowing how much hair your DD has and how thick and dark it is.

@Oganesson118 i think the issue here is more that a young girl who should at 7 years not feeling self conscious is being made to feel upset.
Thats the problem.
My DD went to a mixed primary and is now in an all girls school and im thrilled I've got her to 13 and she's totally unaware of her legs !!

@KatherineParr I see this as a school issue and it needs addressing

You do you. Personally I just don't like the way it feels, nothing to do with what other males or females think!

Nope. I said resilience and I’m hairy. I’d be all for it at 10 or 11, maybe even 9. But 7 is a different ball game.

I wouldn’t shave because of the stubble but perhaps use a hair removal cream or consider laser treatment if the hair is really noticeable.

Yes she’s only seven, but I was around that age when other kids started noticing and commenting on my body hair. I have very pale skin and dark hair so it really shows. From a young age I would always wear trousers in the summer, or tights under a dress, no matter how hot I was. My mum wouldn’t let me shave. I was so embarrassed and never felt pretty. I longed to wear pretty dresses and sandals like the other girls but my hairy legs were so ugly to me and I had no self-confidence. I wish I’d been able to get rid of that hair a lot sooner than I did.

Though I can understand shaving her legs, I'd really have a good think about the arms because stubbly arms are going to be extremely noticeable

This is a tough one.

first off I’d be trying to teach that so what? Help her get over the harsh comments. Thug her up and tell her how beautiful she is etc

rhen I’d be talking to the school

then I’d be helping her shave as a last resort

Never shave eh arms though.

will look worse if she grows it back

I was a hairy child. I was teased at school for my hairy legs. Eventually I shaved them. And the same boy just switched to teasing me for having shaved.

(This was in secondary school. V sad to think of a seven year old facing this.)

I think that by shaving her legs you are saying that the teasers at school were right: her hairy legs are wrong and unacceptable.

It would be better to explain to her that the teasers are dicks (with whatever level of frankness suits you both!).

It doesn't sound like she is pleading with you to let her shave them. I think you are still at the stage where you can try to help her see that her legs are fine, rather than pushing her too soon towards the tyranny of having to suppress what is natural for her body.