AIBU to consider shaving my 7-year-old’s legs after teasing?

[Gillettegirl]

I mentioned to DD7 this morning (as I was trying to cram her arm into her polo shirt that’s suddenly too small) it won’t be long before she can start wearing her summer uniform dresses to school. She looked upset by this and asked if she could wear tights with them. I said she’d be too hot in the summer in tights, to which she replied, ‘well I’ll still be wearing my cardigans in the summer’.

DD has olive skin, and the hairs on her arms and legs do show up against her skin (they fade in summer to be less noticeable). Turns out one of the boys in her class has told her she is so hairy she looks like a boy. I said that just because one person said that it doesn’t mean it’s true. This boy is a bit of a gobby character and apparently a few of the girls in the class agreed with him, so she said it must be true.

DD does sports outside of school, which I encourage as I want her to be confident about her body, and all the other benefits exercise brings. Nobody at her sports classes has ever mentioned her ‘hairiness’ but I wonder how long it will be before she loses confidence and doesn’t want to go anymore.

Now, my initial response was ‘sod it, let’s just shave her arms and legs, then’ – I shave mine, we live in the UK where it’s the norm, chances are she’ll end up shaving when she’s a teenager anyway, so what’s the point in making her suffer the next few years at primary school, for the sake of thinking she’s too young to be shaved. For info – I will be shaving her if we do it – not going to let her loose with a razer blade until she’s much older. I think her being confident about her body is extremely important, and once that confidence is lost, it’s difficult to get back.

On the other hand, it pisses me off that we’re in this situation at such a young age. I also don’t want to set off an idea in her head that if there’s something you’re not happy with in your appearance, you can just change it, and set her on a path of endless facelifts, boob jobs and butt lifts. Probably overthinking things here.

Don’t shave her – you are being unreasonable
Shave her – you are NOT being unreasonable

Do not shave your little girls legs and especially not her arms

jeeeeezus H CHRIST

This.
But I feel for you OP, my daughter is 10 and has had the exact same thing. In summer, she wears long socks to hide her calves for this reason.
I have tried to really instill in her that she needs to develop resilience and tell these boys to go to hell, that hair is a natural part of the human body. Because I agree with the OP, you can’t fix everything and they will just fond something else. And I am really trying to buy time, to keep the hair removal for later when she is just that bit older.
I would also think about how you do the hair removal: I would try and bleach the arm hair (Jolene), that works really well for me. And see if you can do that on her legs, or try waxing, rather than shaving.

As someone who got bullied mercilessly over this I would say do it (legs). Arms are different.

maybe wax or use cream instead of shaving. Society shouldn’t be like this but it is.ive never really forgiven my carers for not sorting this issue out for me and saving me the years of bullying.

I am hairy. I was a hairy little kid. It’s a very personal decision but if she was mine I’d shave them. Luckily DD has her dads colouring so she has light hairs so I don’t really have to deal with the whole thing just yet.

IF she shaves though, please make sure you teach her to do it properly. I managed to cut a ribbon of skin off my first time and had a scar for ages.

The school needs to create a safe space and environment for this child !

Op please report this to the school !

That’s interesting, I never looked on it that way. I fell out with my parents when I was older because of the bullying and the severe impact on my mental health, I was trying to commit suicide from the age of 10. They tried to help (in hindsight) but didn’t want me to change to fit in. They also were very old fashioned and would not allow me razors/cream. I think there is a middle ground ‘you are beautiful as you are and do not need to change. If you want to do this however, let’s try…’

Recently, at an excercise class, there was
a young women with hairy armpits and
legs. This is the future. One where women dont have to remove body hair. It’s a stupid idea really. Why don’t men do it?

I’d bet all the people saying don’t do it didn’t experience this as a child. As someone who had odd comments made teasing about leg hair, absolutely let her know you think she’s beautiful but that the decision is in her control. I would epilate or wax though rather than shave so it doesn’t grow back stubbly. Saying this as someone who wore cardigans and leggings for years as a child and teen because of this.

Exactly!

I was about to say the same- how about a silky mitt/ crystal sander jobbo first and see if that reduces it a bit- less invasive than shaving and might give her a bit of confidence?

I think people do underestimate how bad it feels to be hairy and self conscious when you are a young girl, it can really mess with your confidence- I would let her try some kind of removal to see if she felt happier with it, especially if she does sports. Kids can be cruel, girls and boys both- if it is something she wants to do then I don’t see anything wrong with it- it’s a personal choice

For those promoting resilience - were you a hairy child and subject to teasing?

The alternative is the permanent impact of your mother refusing to help you and sending you into school to get bullied every day.

I would definitely say that the bullies are wrong, that she's beautiful anyway, but if she wants to remover her hair then you will help her.

I think this point is spot on. She will potentially see it that way and feel like she isn’t being supported.

another option is that veet pure- the sensitive one, may be better on young skin?

This is a really hard one because I was that kid - although it was because of PCOS x pasty Scottish skin. What I would say is that I was teased/bullied from around age 11, which is probably a more socially acceptable age to start shaving. Would I let my daughter at age 7? Honestly no. Like others have said, my legs (and underarms, and other places…) actually look worse since starting to shave (with my dad’s razor as my mum wasn’t interested way back ages 11). Horrendous, tough black stubble that is incredibly noticeable. Unless you plan to do it every day (no joke) there’s no way, logistically, physically and mentally you can start now. Have a chat with the teacher and reassess in the summer.

I’d give her the option and do it if she wants. When I was seven I got bullied horribly for my arm hair. I’m blonde but I tan quite dark so my arm and leg hair would really stand out when we came back from being abroad. Boys and girls alike were really relentlessly nasty about it.

I got teased for the exact same thing and I don't think it would hurt I would do it

I’m sorry, I don’t underestimate the impact of bullying. My Mum didn’t let me shave but did agree to wax me towards the end of primary school. I guess my point is that even though I was then technically hairless and “fitting in” I was still a 10 year old being waxed. And that wasn’t great for the self esteem either because I knew that wasn’t normal. I still grew up knowing I was abnormally hairy and hoped nobody would find out my secret. It wasn’t a miracle cure that suddenly made me feel great about myself.

There is no answer to this. I feel desperately sad for young girls being made to feel self conscious this young and I do think regardless of what you do about it there’s a risk the feelings of inadequacy and difference stays with them. Ideally we’d tackle why hairy girls have to feel like that but that’s pie in the sky I guess.

Another adult here who, as a child, was picked on for this!

Yep - help her out... Maybe don't shave them, could you use hair removal cream instead?

My feelings are she'd be more psychologically impacted if nothing was done

P.S - she'll be so chuffed about her beautiful olive complexion and dark hair as she ages so remind her of the positives if she's feeling a bit low. Children can be so mean.

Its a tough one. Part of me thinks oh hell no 7 is way too little. Then the other part of me remembers Sarah.

Sarah was a girl at my school who got bullied relentlessly for this exact thing. We were friends from nursery and I particularly remember a birthday party at about 8 or 9. We all had pretty dresses on and one of the boys laughed at her and said oh its a hairy boy in a dress. It was awful and absolutely crushed her.

I remember when she finally started shaving at about 11/ 12 she said it changed her whole life. She became much more confident. She often says she wishes her mum would have done it sooner (she asked, she said no)

You can tell your child these children are just being unkind, you can tell the teachers to have a word but it may do nothing.

Im on the fence! Im staying here but just wanted to share that story. Sarah is a good friend still and doing absolutely brilliantly in life and oozes confidence so thankfully it didnt totally stay with her.

Can you use an electric shaver to reduce the chance of cutting her? DP was shaving my legs for me the other day and he nicked me slightly so I pulled away and gashed a huge cut up my leg (don't tell him I admit to moving though). Reduced chance of skin initiation and razor rash too.

As far as the whole "women shouldn't have to shave" "she shouldn't shave becuase of what one boy said" it isn't about everybody else. It's up to her what makes her feel comfortable in her body. Can you get gentle hair lightening cream? If its just the darkness that's the issue?

I wouldn't yet as it's once again a woman/girl having to change their behaviour/looks to suit a man/boy. And I agree with the pp that said that the boy then swaps to teasing you about something else.

I'd be taking it up with the school and expecting robust action.

I hated having to shave mine and only started when I was 17 - because a boy teased me about them. But I shaved under my arms from the moment a hair appeared because I hated hair there. But that was my choice.

I said something similar at the start of this thread and some posters were very keen to say that they were hairy and promoting resilience. There's different levels of hairy isn't there?

I was also teased for having hairy legs but seven is wa too young! Maybe in year 6, when she’s 11/12. But as PP have said, I would show her the many examples of young women who rock natural armpit and leg hair.

This and 100% this and it needs to be done across the school. Having said that I don’t shave and my daughter didn’t but was in a school production okay aged 17 all dancing and singing in lovely gowns and she came home and said she wanted to shave as she was the only one with armpit hair etc and I simply got her a decent electric razor and said your body your decision. She shaves now in the summer etc so I absolutely would empower her to stand up for herself and that means support from the teacher first and then support. Some children are brutal though and stereotypes and bullying gets passed through generations.

At the risk of going round in circles, having had a mother who did help me I can only warn that its really hard to grow up believing you’re beautiful as you are and the bullies are wrong when your mum’s waxing your arms and legs before a primary school disco.

I’m genuinely not sure what the answer is here. Perhaps it is better to remove it. I’m just saying that from personal experience removing the hair isn’t a magic confidence fix once you’ve already been picked on for it.