AIBU to consider shaving my 7-year-old’s legs after teasing?

[Gillettegirl]

I mentioned to DD7 this morning (as I was trying to cram her arm into her polo shirt that’s suddenly too small) it won’t be long before she can start wearing her summer uniform dresses to school. She looked upset by this and asked if she could wear tights with them. I said she’d be too hot in the summer in tights, to which she replied, ‘well I’ll still be wearing my cardigans in the summer’.

DD has olive skin, and the hairs on her arms and legs do show up against her skin (they fade in summer to be less noticeable). Turns out one of the boys in her class has told her she is so hairy she looks like a boy. I said that just because one person said that it doesn’t mean it’s true. This boy is a bit of a gobby character and apparently a few of the girls in the class agreed with him, so she said it must be true.

DD does sports outside of school, which I encourage as I want her to be confident about her body, and all the other benefits exercise brings. Nobody at her sports classes has ever mentioned her ‘hairiness’ but I wonder how long it will be before she loses confidence and doesn’t want to go anymore.

Now, my initial response was ‘sod it, let’s just shave her arms and legs, then’ – I shave mine, we live in the UK where it’s the norm, chances are she’ll end up shaving when she’s a teenager anyway, so what’s the point in making her suffer the next few years at primary school, for the sake of thinking she’s too young to be shaved. For info – I will be shaving her if we do it – not going to let her loose with a razer blade until she’s much older. I think her being confident about her body is extremely important, and once that confidence is lost, it’s difficult to get back.

On the other hand, it pisses me off that we’re in this situation at such a young age. I also don’t want to set off an idea in her head that if there’s something you’re not happy with in your appearance, you can just change it, and set her on a path of endless facelifts, boob jobs and butt lifts. Probably overthinking things here.

Don’t shave her – you are being unreasonable
Shave her – you are NOT being unreasonable

I’ve plucked DS’s monobrow since he was 6 and he came home crying because kids had been mean about it. He instantly felt better and more confident. If you were feeling self conscious about something, you wouldn’t just be resilient. You would do something about it. I don’t know why we expect kids to feel bad about something when there’s an alternative that will make things easier for them

I am a very hairy woman and it was the same as a child yes its light brown in the winter and blonde when tge sun gets at it but its really really long and a bit like a fur coat, I've been told I'm a wookie for decades now and I just don't care what other people think about my body hair or the fact that its turning white now 🤣

That's false actually. I shaved my arms (got dark hair) and it never ever grew back worse or more coarsely

No i don't, my dd doesn't appear to but as she's grown and living on her own home its not something that im paying attention to

Shaving arms!! Don't shave your child's arms! If you shave her you are telling her that her body is wrong and she needs to constantly shave to please stupid boys
I'd be talking to the teacher about this boy. You are looking at things from your narrow minded generation. The new generation are all about body positivity and being hairy. Leave her be. It's everyone else who needs to give their head a wobble.

Fair enough. I don't shave my legs during winter months because no one sees them, but I'd definitely be paranoid during the summer if I was wearing a dress, and I'm 40. I always shave my arm pits, though.

I wouldn't necessarily advocate for hair removal for a 7 year old, but I have quite dark hair and this was around the time I started getting bullied for it. Went on for a while. I wish I had gotten rid of it before the bullying had a chance to take off. Can you perhaps look to get it waxed from a professional salon rather than shaving? Shaving causes such unsightly stubble and having to shave frequently at that age (or any really!) to keep the stubble away is horrible imo.
It's so sad we have to go through these things and at such a young age, hugs to you and your daughter xx

I did my daughter’s for the first time at a similar age. I was reluctant but she was much happier for it and it didn’t become a regular thing at all. She had barely any regrowth. Her younger sister is now the same age she was when she first complained and there is a massive difference- she has no visible hairs at all. Some children are quite hairy and she was self conscious but not teased as far as I can remember. One of the reasons she really doesn’t like it is the sensation against socks and tights as much as appearance.

Now I could have said no, rallied against the patriarchy but that would have been putting my own views onto her. Ultimately, she hated something that was easy to change. I wrestled with it for a while but it gave her some control.

Why can’t that boys mother teach the little shit to keep his mouth shut about other people’s bodies? And why can’t school get a handle on the utter sexist nonsense they allow? Constantly hear shit like oh boys can’t like this it’s for giiirrrls, and ew that girl has xyz wrong with her. Even the bloody school split them up into girls and boys for no apparent reason sometimes. Like why? They’d never for a second allow it for any other ‘characteristic’ so why do they just shrug and say oh yes kids will be kids. Like no.

I actually see young girls everywhere with hairy legs/armpits. I notice because I am old enough to have been traumatised by the idea of daring to go outside with hair on my body. I would probably bore my child with the full history of body hair and let her decide what she wants to do. But really, why do we still think it is acceptable to support a child to change their body aged 7 when it comes to girls? If he starts saying her skin is too light will she tan it? To dark lighten it? Hair too long will she chop it? Eyes to green, contacts? Like there is nothing wrong with a kid having hair - the only reason this is even a question is because you too have been conditioned to think actually her body hair isn’t ok. Like it is out of the ordinary and therefore you get why she wants it hidden. It isn’t.

Prickly stubble feels horrible!!! She shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable in order to look ’ acceptable’ and have to commit to a time costuming beauty routine at this age, Bleaching might be better if you want to make it less noticeable.

100% remove the hair but maybe using cream. I was so self conscious at that age and was teased hideously and that was in a private girls school. It’s such an easy thing to address for her.

All fair and well but it took me into my 30s to realise this.
Its unfair to put this on a child when the world hasn’t caught up yet.

Up to you. Growing up hairy with all the teasing is no fun. It's that nice she's told you about it and that you can now help her.

Yes absolutely help her with this.

When someone says something hurtful, it’s them with the problem, not her.
She could shave, but this boy will still find something mean to say because he will still have the problem.

You need to explain this to her firmly.

Ultimately the answer is to report this boy to the teacher so his behavior (hopefully) changes.

I would buy DD a lady shave so she can do it herself if she wishes.

I would both help remove it and make it clear that this is a nasty boy who is behaving horribly.

I don’t think it’s normal in the UK to shave your arms. If they are dark and she is worried wild bleach them. Then in the summer they might get sun bleached anyway.
Ive been brushed past with someone who shaves their arms and the regrowth spikes were hard. I would never shave my arms.

I don’t think they all are. My 20 year old DD is very much of the no hair variety and given she’s gay and not particularly feminine dressing it’s certainly not because of male influence

I remember being in year 2 and being bullied about my black leg hair on my porcelain skin. Being told I look like a man.
It’s so hard because it’s a lot of maintenance to keep up but I was and am still so self conscious. I wish my mum would’ve let me sort out my moustache at that age but I get her leaving the legs and arms until I was about 11.

What about high white socks?

It’s because of the male and female influence that has standards driven by a patriarchal society

hair is associated with being adult , and in male adults it’s allowed as a sign of maturity and strong hormones , but women have to look as childlike as possible. That’s the beauty standard that is enforced by male and female alike.

partiarchal and positively perverted

Oh do me a favour

I am

I'd remove the hairs - maybe not shaving as it makes them stubbly and uncomfortable, but if she wanted them removed I'd do it. She'll do it later on herself anyway. My DS used to get horribly teased when he was young about his unibrow, I just waxed it off for him. No further issues.