AIBU to consider shaving my 7-year-old’s legs after teasing?

[Gillettegirl]

I mentioned to DD7 this morning (as I was trying to cram her arm into her polo shirt that’s suddenly too small) it won’t be long before she can start wearing her summer uniform dresses to school. She looked upset by this and asked if she could wear tights with them. I said she’d be too hot in the summer in tights, to which she replied, ‘well I’ll still be wearing my cardigans in the summer’.

DD has olive skin, and the hairs on her arms and legs do show up against her skin (they fade in summer to be less noticeable). Turns out one of the boys in her class has told her she is so hairy she looks like a boy. I said that just because one person said that it doesn’t mean it’s true. This boy is a bit of a gobby character and apparently a few of the girls in the class agreed with him, so she said it must be true.

DD does sports outside of school, which I encourage as I want her to be confident about her body, and all the other benefits exercise brings. Nobody at her sports classes has ever mentioned her ‘hairiness’ but I wonder how long it will be before she loses confidence and doesn’t want to go anymore.

Now, my initial response was ‘sod it, let’s just shave her arms and legs, then’ – I shave mine, we live in the UK where it’s the norm, chances are she’ll end up shaving when she’s a teenager anyway, so what’s the point in making her suffer the next few years at primary school, for the sake of thinking she’s too young to be shaved. For info – I will be shaving her if we do it – not going to let her loose with a razer blade until she’s much older. I think her being confident about her body is extremely important, and once that confidence is lost, it’s difficult to get back.

On the other hand, it pisses me off that we’re in this situation at such a young age. I also don’t want to set off an idea in her head that if there’s something you’re not happy with in your appearance, you can just change it, and set her on a path of endless facelifts, boob jobs and butt lifts. Probably overthinking things here.

Don’t shave her – you are being unreasonable
Shave her – you are NOT being unreasonable

I would not do it.
Firstly, I don’t think any girl should have to respond to remarks by a boy. Please tell the school. People should be taught respect.
Secondly, if you start to shave her legs then the hair will become blunt and will show more. You will have to keep it up. The hair should lighten in the summer.

No, I dont fit your theory. At this age, its about teaching her to how to manage boys like this

Later she can do what she likes. Most of us give in to what is seen as socially acceptable

I had to shave my arms too as kids called me werewolf. I ended up bleaching them for years after that.

No where did I give a view on whether I do or dont, or whether others should or shouldnt shave

But your blanket statement about how hairy women are seen, being nothing to do with what men or do dont think shows you are in denial about why its only/mainly women who have this 'I just dont like the way it feels' mentality.

I did say almost. Yours was the first post I'd read from someone hairy who had advocated waiting. I do agree 7 is very young though. Difficult to tell without knowing how noticeable the hair is.

I’m fair skinned with thick, dark, curly hair and still vividly remember being called “dirty” for having hairy legs in primary school.

Yes it would be nice if she wasn’t teased but meanwhile…in the real world we know it happens! I’d absolutely shave it for her if it’s what she wants.

I remember a boy at school laughing at hair I had. I removed it and they laughed at the fact I had done it. I don’t think shaving is a solution

I would also try to tackle it via school first.

But if you do shave, you might have to do it every day, are you prepared to do that? I have dark hair, and when I still shaved I had to shave every day in the morning as the stubble was very visible again after half a day. It's not a good solution for some women/girls. You could shave a small 1cm square on the hairiest bit of her leg first, and check it twice a day to see how many hours it takes before the regrowth is obvious. You or your daughter may decide against it if it will mean shaving every day.

Is she actually hairy though? Or does she have the same kind of normal body hair it’s just darker than her peers?

It is a shame, but I can’t see the harm in being led by her, if she wants to shave or use removal cream. Even buying a Lumea Phillips or something like that.

I say this as the blonde girl who had hairy legs like a man at age 9 and I would wear jeans in 35 degrees I was so self conscious that I nicked my mums razor anyway and ended up cutting my legs to ribbons by mistake.

You can still work on body positivity and shave her legs.

I think hair removal for a 7 year old should be the absolute last resort..

Humans have the same density of hair follicles as chimps. The hair is just shorter and finer.
I went to an all-girls secondary school and lots of the girls had hairy legs. My own hairiness didn't worry me until I reached puberty and started growing a beard - I have PCOS.
(Personally I think all-girls schools are much better for giving girls confidence in themselves and their abilities.)

It’s not just one boy. The op says that several of the girls in the class agreed with him.

7 is so young to be shaving and I really don't know what the answer is on that one. You are definitely doing the right thing in listening to your daughter and taking her concerns seriously. I was very hairy even facial hair which all became obvious at around 11/12. It plagued my teenage years i was so embarrassed and hated how I looked. I plucked up the courage to speak to my mum and got shut down straight away, got told not to be ridiculous and if I start removing hair it will only get worse. I had to wait until I had my own money to by hair removal products. Before that I was using my dads razor on dry skin (not a good move) whatever you decide your daughter is very lucky you have her back

An electric shaver would be kinder to her skin than a razor.

That’s how bullies work ist it - rounding on one

id be talking to the school

being hairy ist wrong or dirty or masculine
upsetting someone because you don’t like their hair is wrong however

My heart breaks for her, I am so angry at this boy for making her feel this way. There is nothing wrong or disgusting about a clean, healthy human body in its natural state of hairiness. It’s despicable that any child is making your child feel uncomfortable in her body.

I would definitely get the school involved, some PSE education is definitely needed for the whole class.

As to what to do - I’m torn. I was a very hairy little girl. I remember insisting on wearing trousers to school even on the hottest days age 7 and 8. It’s awful to feel ashamed of your body.

Her skin is likely to be very delicate, maybe an electric razor would be better? Or the creams (although they stink).

You know her best. Work on building her confidence and do whatever you need to, to keep her happy and in school.

I wouldn't shave but suggest using the sanding mitts - they're very gentle, you go round in circles with a soft touch. Obviously only for arms and legs.

I'm not a hairy person but for some reason as an early teen I had hairy knees and used this sort of thing.

Alida Hair Remover Mitt for Legs (3 Mitts) : Amazon.co.uk: Health & Personal Care

Surely in the summer the sun will bleach the hairs and they will be less noticeable. She is 7 not 17. She has years ahead of her if she wants to shave. She'll get stubble and the hairs will return appearing thicker as have blunt edges. Teach her to be proud of her body as it is.

I would be led by her and if she wants to remove her leg /arm hair, help her to do it. I would choose a silkymit or imac though.

Oh please don’t. What if the next teasing is about a couple of spots so she wants foundation. Then her eyebrows are too thick so she wants them plucking/waxing. Where does it end?
I think deal with it at source. Go to the school - this is bullying.
In the meantime, help her to work on her confidence so she can brush these spiteful comments off.

My ds started shaving very early because he has very dark hair and didn't like the way it looked on his upper lip. He wasn't as young as 7 but same ballpark.

I got him a cheap travel electric razor and he only had to buzz off the fluff once every couple of months so she might not find herself with noticeable stubble all that quickly.

My initial instinct is no for hair removal for a 7 year old - that's the very definition of a "them" problem, but I have fair body hair so I've not experienced the issue myself and my mother who is dark was bullied by her peers and a teacher of all people because of her "hairiness". She still talks about it 70 years later.

That boy and those girls though. Do please bring it up with the school. It's not acceptable behaviour and they shouldn't get away with it.

I think you are unreasonable to even think of shaving a seven year old child
What message are you sending her of you do for heavens sake. That girls and women have to shape their appearance to conform to what men and boys find acceptable
I totally agree with pp that you should contact the school re this bullying. I would be wondering what is going on in the boys home life if at 7 he has been taught that natural body hair is something gross.

Thanks for everyone who has commented so far - appreciate all your different points of view, and I'm sorry to hear so many of you have struggled in school with the same issue. Makes me very sad. I think I will speak to the school as starting point, I wasn't thinking much about it, just 'kids being kids' but the more I do think about it, I agree it is bullying and as a couple of people pointed out, they may move onto something else to make fun of.

I've never heard of these! Thank you for sharing the link, will definitely get one of these 😊

We had this issue with my daughter at even an younger age. We ended up doing it because the boy was getting others to join in and it was so awful, she was wearing tights in summer and not removing her cardigan to the point she was so hot she was feeling faint. We didn't shave though, we used a beard trimmer, that way it just cut them shorter and didn't make her spikey. She was so much happier once we did it and she only asks us to it in the summer now and that is once in a blue moon