AIBU to think everyone has become boring?

[LilacHedgehog123]

Does being mid to late forties mean you have to be boring?

I used to have such a laugh with my mates but these days all they talk about is peri-menopause and laundry! One has to be home by 9 as they're tired and another 2 have given up alcohol. They say they'll have just as good a time drinking water. I know you can have a great night out sober, I've done it many times. But it's not the same though is it? I miss getting tipsy and giggling about silly things until late. Yes we can all have a good laugh sober, obviously. But it's not the SAME. I just really miss those nights out where we're silly and we embarrass ourselves and we laugh until we cry. But everyone else seems to have forgotten. It's WORTH the hangover and the being tired. It's not every day, it's just once every few months!

I've started binning them off and going out with work friends instead as they're so much more fun. I will always be there for my friends don't get me wrong, but when I want a night out, I want to go OUT OUT.

Does anyone else feel the same? When did having responsibilities mean you can't (very occasionally) be silly / stay up too late / be spontaneous? :(

Drinking is such a waste of money! £15 for a glass of sugary pre mix cocktail, no thanks.
Half glad I have a life threatening allergy to it 🤣

@Soashamed60 he is very fun but sometimes he’s just like “Bring the kids to the pub! They can play outside it did you no harm!” I don’t think he’s quiet got that times have changed a bit since I was a kid 😂.

What really frustrates me is the same people spent years (me included) longing for a time with no night time wake ups, no dawn starts, no constant chatting and demands all day from little kids. I can't get over my new freedom these past few years, the joy of popping out to the shop alone, going for a walk when I feel like it. And most importantly the ability to go out at night with no sitter worries or bedtime routines. Our much fantasised moment has finally arrived and suddenly they can't be bothered. I don't get it

Lol I can see your point. I'm 54 and quite a few friends have become like that. Thankfully I have others who still enjoy going out etc. less women and more blokes these days

Well all my fun money is being eaten up by the cost of living, in turn I am working harder to keep my job, my kids still need me and my health is suffering due to stress, parents are aging and so helping them as well, that all means that if i get one evening to myself I just want to put on netflix and not speak to anyone.
I am hoping to get a second wind once the kids are grown up😂

Me too! I'm here for a good time not for a long time :)

Ive always been a bore. I’m delighted to be 40 and it’s now accepted.

Im with you on the menopause and household chores talk, but the older I get the more I just cba with getting drunk with people who make a fool of themselves. People who literally have 2 or 3 glasses of wine and are falling down, traffic cone on the head, talking shit to teenagers in the toilets drunk. Its not fun. Meanwhile, im just feeling tipsy! It's a mood killer!

Come out with me and my mates then?!! we are all 50+ and mostly divorced, and have collected friends of friends over the last few years. Two don't drink and we always have a giggle and a lot of fun. We organise all different days out and activities eg. Caribbean festivals, Ibiza clubbing weekends, cottage breaks and sometimes just a sunday lunch - often turns into Sunday Funday. Its finding your people and I am very fortunate, I know. We are all different and yes some like to go home by 9pm but that's ok too.

Menopause totally affected my relationship with alcohol. I would feel so bad the day after that it wasn’t worth the night before any more. I still manage to have a lovely time.

Sounds like a complete nightmare! You must have been gutted. What a waste of a holiday.

OP I get you. I generally don't want a hangover, like most PP's it's usually not worth it these days, HOWEVER, once every few months I DO like a bit of blow-out, a boogie and a bloody good giggle, that you're right, just doesn't happen over coffee at 11am.
But pretty much all my friends have given up this, even once in a blue moon and man, I miss it! It's good for the soul (if not the body), and I feel like it breaks up the (frankly monotonous) routine of work, housework, paying through the nose for stuff and childrearing.
So I vote YANBU, whilst appreciating that for the most part it is sensible not to drink too much.

I see where you're coming from, and I miss the days I'd do silly things and just have a good time. I've never really been interested in drinking TBH, but I used to have a good time with friends in the past.
As it turns out, I just don't have the energy for that anymore. I'd much rather have friends over for a meal, or be over at theirs, or just stay home and watch a movie. Whether we want it or not, there comes a time in life when we just move on because our priorities change, we change, etc.
I think it's safe to say I've also become boring! 😅 But I'd be lying if I said I don't miss the good ol' times...
Now, I think you're right to go out with ppl from work, as they seem to be keen on the same things you enjoy. Which doesn't mean you're dissing the other friends, it just means you're gonna be engaging in different activities with each group.

@LilacHedgehog123@whatnext26. I will come and join you and I’m 64 - I’m not into getting pissed anymore but still enjoy 3 glasses of wine out, a laugh and a dance and promise to neither discuss menopause ( and I’ve had the full thing not just peri) or laundry!!

You don't necessarily get boring, I think at this age you get increasingly pissed of with people and prefer if they would bugger off.
Speaking for myself, mid to late forties. 😊

OP - I can see how you’d have fun still getting drunk and staying up all night, but my body isn’t up to it. My body IS up for being so silly and laughing so hard I snort. But I don’t do it the environment you describe. I wonder if you ever get silly and laugh hard OUTSIDE of being drunk. From your replies it doesn’t sound like it.

Do you guys DO things? Or just have a meal? I bet they’d be up for a museum or gallery or something which sounds boring, doesn’t it? But then you get to talking about how insane the woman’s boobs are in the picture or if the artist who made it wants to kill all men due to menopause and suddenly you’re laughing like crazy. Or even going shopping and seeing all the silly things they sell.

Sometimes you also need to vent about perimenopause and life and all of that but you can’t at work so you need your oldest friends

Nothing is worth a hangover for me. I drink but don't go beyond tipsy because I want to still enjoy the next day. Time off is too limited to want to waste it feeling like shit. I'm definitely not boring!

But not getting smashed doesn't mean sitting around talking about the menopause. Christ, I'd rather just go to work never mind socialise with colleagues instead of friends!

Reading this with interest... I'm just past mid 40s, and I could have written this post 3.5 years ago. Then I quit booze and my priorities changed. Now I think that going out and doing the same thing at 46 as I did when I was 26, is boring... I started going out partying at probably 16, spent several years clubbing, carried on as a true party girl for many many years. I spent 25+ years doing that stuff, isn't it boring to keep on doing the same thing over and over your whole life? Now my high comes from the gym, or a very occasional sober rave, or a weekend away hiking up big mountains. I do understand where you're coming from but people can and do change. I lost quite a few friends when I quit booze because they thought I was boring. My life has actually never been fuller or busier. And it turned out the only thing we had in common anyway, was booze.
Different friends for different things.

But not everyone was doing that at 26. So it isn't doing the " same thing" At 26 I had a 6 year old and a 3 year old. As I got older I have more freedom to do as I wish.

This.
I was an absolute raver. I partied VERY hard from 16, all through the uni days, professional job on 4 hours sleep on a Thur night, the whole shebang. I loved it. I had the most phenomenal time. I was pregnant by 31, had DS1 at 32 & I changed immediately. I had no desire to have a cheeky E, or shots, at all whatsoever.

Since then I have nights out, see my friends loads, go to gigs/ special dance nights/ house parties, but it's once a month and I've not drunk alcohol for 23 years. Not because I had an alcohol problem, I just don't need to be drunk anymore and it makes me knackered.

I am very far from boring. If you need people to be pissed you're not very interesting yourself. My friends are a mixture of drinkers/ non-drinkers & it matters not one jot. We laugh until we cry regularly, usually sitting in sweats on someone's sofa with tea & toast talking about my recurrent thrush/ friend farting in the gym/ the dodgy guy at someone's work etc. You don't need to be in a pub to have your mates around you.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable in the slightest, OP. But this is mumsnet where a lot of folk think a thimble of sherry at Xmas makes you an alcoholic!

I’m 50 and most of my friends are similar age. We still go out and enjoy a few glasses (or more!) of wine. Still have a laugh - including at our boring middle aged conversations.

I’m all for drinking within sensible limits most of the time but letting your hair down once in a while isn’t going to shorten your life too much I shouldn’t think!

YADNBU

I’m defo one of the boring ones in my friendship group, cannot do late nights even if I don’t drink I feel like I cannot function the next day.
However one of the biggest fans of a late night in our group doesn’t drink and wangs on incessantly about how gifted her (academically average, little shit) son is, so swings and roundabouts…
Brunch seems to be a sweet spot for us all these days, meet at 12, drinks, food, laugh until we cry, bed by 10pm.

I agree with everything you wrote.

@LilacHedgehog123 no you aren’t in minority. I’m 50 I still like to go out have few drinks and dance. Luckily have like minded friends and no sober ones so can always get a night out !

I can be spontaneous. I'll do a midnight showing of a new film, go to a last minute football match with a spare ticket or drive back from a late gig in London at 2am. I just don't want to ever go into a nightclub again and be disoriented and deafened.