AIBU to think everyone has become boring?

[LilacHedgehog123]

Does being mid to late forties mean you have to be boring?

I used to have such a laugh with my mates but these days all they talk about is peri-menopause and laundry! One has to be home by 9 as they're tired and another 2 have given up alcohol. They say they'll have just as good a time drinking water. I know you can have a great night out sober, I've done it many times. But it's not the same though is it? I miss getting tipsy and giggling about silly things until late. Yes we can all have a good laugh sober, obviously. But it's not the SAME. I just really miss those nights out where we're silly and we embarrass ourselves and we laugh until we cry. But everyone else seems to have forgotten. It's WORTH the hangover and the being tired. It's not every day, it's just once every few months!

I've started binning them off and going out with work friends instead as they're so much more fun. I will always be there for my friends don't get me wrong, but when I want a night out, I want to go OUT OUT.

Does anyone else feel the same? When did having responsibilities mean you can't (very occasionally) be silly / stay up too late / be spontaneous? :(

Exactly - one of our gang doesn’t really drink - irrelevant. It’s having abit of life about you!

I never thought it would happen to me, but in my mid-40s alcohol just made me stay awake with nausea and panic attacks all night. Such a shame, as drinking heavily was very much my thing.

If it hasn't happened to you OP, then enjoy it while you can!

Yes well, maybe I do need to grow up and join in the laundry and peri-menopause conversations! 😫😭

You need to find some new mates. I go out with a group who love a party and a few drinks - we can be very sensible in the day and at work. Go find them!

Are you single?

I’m very happy to admit I’m boring.

Early 40s. Tween/Teen kids. Married nearly 20 years.

I did all the drinking and partying I needed in my late teens/early twenties.

Long over it. Just seems embarrassing to me now.

I’ll gladly have a dinner with some wine and chat/giggle with friends now and again. (Couple of times a year maybe. But honestly 2 drinks and I’m tipsy enough.)

Honestly though I prefer to do stuff in the daytime to catch up with friends so that I can spend my evenings with DH.

We go away a few weekends a year and then we’ll have a couple of drinks each (which is a lot for us) and enjoy a night to ourselves. That’s where we do the most drinking nowadays. (Valentines was last we did it. I had 2 G&Ts and he had 2 whiskies.) That’s very much our limit nowadays and most of our friends are the same.

All the people I know who still want to go out and drink for drinking’s sake are either single or clearly wish they were.

You need new friends, mine are so fun! 🤩

Love this reply! If you're ever in Bristol, let's go out out 😂

No it’s not the same. But it’s also not really about being boring… I gave up alcohol because it was ruining my mind, my body and causing me to be a shit person.

You missing them when they’ve depressed their nervous system so you can have a giggle is really neither here nor there. Very few people give up booze for no reason - it was having a bad effect on their life. If you find them boring now then you never actually liked THEM at all. You just liked being drunk.

I sometimes miss those nights too, but for me no, they aren’t worth the hangover which these days are not only a full body experience but also an existential crisis. I can’t do it to myself for the sake of one fun evening. Luckily my friends are happy to socialise via daytime dog walks, tea and cake, lunches, dinner out etc

If your friends are over 40, it seems that many have some perimenopausal symptoms (based on what I read in my group) and one of them is fatigue, sleep issues and many give up alcohol because according to some studies, it contributes to some of the issues. I personally don't see the reason to completely give up alcohol, but around me, many people have. They don't even have caffeine, so no tea or coffee for them and I love going to cafés. Other abandon carbs. It is a little boring I agree.

Yeah I get you OP!!

I couldn’t do it lots due to energy, time and money! But every few months I think it’s good to let your hair down

i can have a great time sober and perfectly happy not drinking a lot of the time. But occasionally it’s great fun. The Christmas party being one!! I don’t care if that’s cringey.

Looking back, I think some of my most boring nights out were when everyone was drunk, spouting nonsense and endlessly repeating themselves.

That’s what I was going to say 😂

I would find a friend still in party mode as boring as you find those that are not. Horses for courses, as they say.

Surely there is a mid point ?

I cant drink due to medication
Women my age who cane the booze all look like Bernie off Corrie
Rough as a badgers arse

I just really miss those nights out where we're silly and we embarrass ourselves and we laugh until we cry. But everyone else seems to have forgotten.

They haven't forgotten, they've just moved on to a different phase. That's ok.

God, I'd hate it if I met up with my friends and all they talked about was the menopause (and worse, the bloody perimenopause) 🙄 you can't get away from it on here but friends are for having a laugh with.

My friends and I are all late 40s/early 50s and still go out at least once a week and have such a laugh. Sorry, your friends have turned into dullards @LilacHedgehog123 🫤

Grow up!
I am 67 and still have fabulous nights out, but they are not, and never were, about getting drunk.
Also, you do need to accept that, with all the special needs that seem around these days, your friends have different requirements.
Make new friends?

So basically people are either hilarious drunks or crashing bores?

You're not unreasonable but neither are your friends, you just enjoy different things. Dh and I are late 30s and love going out to pubs, parties and gigs and having a few beers. We're lucky that we have a friend group who enjoy the same and like us are largely childfree. It doesn't mean we need booze to have a good time. It might be worth looking to broaden your friendship group and find people who are more into the kind of things you are

Equating drinking with fun is part of the problematic culture in this country.

It is perfectly possible not to drink, but still be fun and not spend your whole time talking about the perimenopause. OP, you sound a bit tragic!

Going out for drinks and dancing would be utterly boring to me. Not my kind of thing. But it never has been.

I have very involved hobbies so spend my time doing that and with other likeminded people rather than drinking and dancing which holds no appeal at all.

Everyone is different. Maybe you just need to find new friends who share the same interests as you?

I get what you're saying OP, although it does sound a lot like you think its not possible to have fun without a drink. Even if you got your night out every couple of months, would you think life incredibly dull in the in between?

I also don't think its fair to say its worth the hangover- it impacts people differently. I'm lucky in that I'm pretty sprightly the next day, my DP for example is hungover for about three days and in the depths of hanxiety so for him its not really worth it unless its a very special occasion.

I love a night out, I have friends who aren't as into that anymore but I have made lots of new friends in my 30s/40s so I now have people who I can do that with. Although we talk about the menopause too! Do you have different groups of friends?

You never know, things might pick up once they're over peri-meno & they haven't got children to care for. You don't have to have loads of alcohol either. It's more about having a zest for life & finding things to enjoy.
Always been into music so stayed away Saturday night with friends. I had a couple of glasses of wine to get ready in hotel room & 3 halves of cider in the club. Met loads of great people around our age we know by face & had a fab time. We've just turned 60 & no word of a lie we were at a goth night til 245am! No hangover as I didn't over do the alcohol. Getting older doesn't mean you have to give up living & having fun.

Having a laugh is just one of many things friends are for surely- are you saying if a friend wanted to discuss their concerns about their health and menopause you wouldn't consider that something a friend is "for"?

I no longer drink and haven't for 20+years, firstly because as a single parent living rurally I wanted to always be able to drive kids if they needed to go to hospital(they never did) then I couldn't face losing a day to a hangover. Now I just don't want to.
Times are changing IMO, My daughter 33 only has an odd glass very occasionally same with other 32,24. Son at uni has nights out and drinks but not like we did whe at uni.
I refuse to go out with one friend who drinks quite a bit because it makes her a terrible flirt and she always trys to get me a man, which I definitely don't want!