AIBU to think everyone has become boring?

[LilacHedgehog123]

Does being mid to late forties mean you have to be boring?

I used to have such a laugh with my mates but these days all they talk about is peri-menopause and laundry! One has to be home by 9 as they're tired and another 2 have given up alcohol. They say they'll have just as good a time drinking water. I know you can have a great night out sober, I've done it many times. But it's not the same though is it? I miss getting tipsy and giggling about silly things until late. Yes we can all have a good laugh sober, obviously. But it's not the SAME. I just really miss those nights out where we're silly and we embarrass ourselves and we laugh until we cry. But everyone else seems to have forgotten. It's WORTH the hangover and the being tired. It's not every day, it's just once every few months!

I've started binning them off and going out with work friends instead as they're so much more fun. I will always be there for my friends don't get me wrong, but when I want a night out, I want to go OUT OUT.

Does anyone else feel the same? When did having responsibilities mean you can't (very occasionally) be silly / stay up too late / be spontaneous? :(

Have you started perimenopause yet OP?

I ask because I used to think like you. Up until this time last year I would be out at least once a month either for long, boozy dinners or a club or just a cocktail bar with my girlfriends. We had a few friends that started leaving early etc or quitting alcohol and I didn’t get it.

Until I started to notice that 2 or 3 glasses of wine/cocktails started making me completely wasted. I would suffer from a hangover after only 1 glass of wine. Any more than that and I’d feel really dreadful for 2 days.

My GP said it’s a perimenopause symptom. My body can’t process alcohol any more. My sleep is generally terrible now and so I value a good nights sleep over anything and everything.

On the plus side, my MIL reassures me that once post-menopausal, things get better so I’m holding onto that for now!

I hear you OP and agree!!

I have a couple of friends who still enjoy a party night (as do I) but it’s few and far between these days. Sad times!!

I used to love drinking and clubbing. I'm what you would probably call boring now. It just does not appeal to me or feel fun anymore. I get joy from nice walks, spa days and workouts. I don't really know how I got here but it happened during covid. Prior to that I was drinking and going out most weekends but I just never got back into it.

I'm 44 and I'm afraid you'd think I'm boring - I just can't drink anymore. It makes me really anxious and gives me a crashing headache, often for two or three days after drinking. Absolutely not worth it.

Still love a night out, but I've noticed almost all my female friends have stopped drinking in the last few years. And not all have children, so it's not just because they can't have a lie-in. We all agree drinking makes us feel shite. The men mostly still drink, though a few have turned into health-obsessed gym/cycling types and don't.

Same here….tedious!!

I think you need to meet new people too. I am not a big drinker, never have been, but I do occasionally like a good night out. Some good friends, some beers and the night bus home. No need to get roaring drunk either, just a bit tipsy. Last time I was out, I got home at 3am. I wouldn't want to do it every weekend, but once in a while makes me feel more alive. I am glad to say my friends and I never sit around talking about the perimenopause and laundry. How incredibly dull that would be!

YESSSSSSSSSSS

I can’t take any more menopause talk it’s so booooooorrrrring. Or the “oh I moved and pulled a muscle because I’m over 35” shut the fuck upppppppp.

I would love one more silly tipsy night. Although I can’t cope with hangovers anymore so it would just be a little tipsy.

Oh god totally agree - bloody peri menopause and inflammation and being tired chat!!

We're not 80 FFS can we please stay up past 9pm occasionally and just have some fun?!

The kids are older now, I have the time and the brain space again but where is everyone?!

Where do you live, let's go out 😆

Come hang out with me and my sister. We are ridiculous even when stone cold sober.

I understand missing it but people's priorities change. Calling your friends boring is a bit shit.

This.

I am struggling to drink. I still go out.

I actually think it's more because they don't have the money to go out and are snowed under with responsibility rather than are boring though.

I used to drink like a fish but I now find endless talk about alcohol and hangovers as if people aren't 20 years older really tedious. Goes hand in hand with feeling like if I never see yet another picture of glasses of prosecco on a table I'll be happy.

OP this post reads like something my dad would write (minus the menopause talk). He’s 72 and still parties like he’s 17. Some people just never slow down. Maybe you just need to find some new friends? Make some younger friends?

Me and DH are 26/27 and I’ve started to notice people want to go out less and less. For us a lot of it’s down to our friends lacking child care (we’re lucky ILs and my parents are always clambering to have the kids). Sometimes it’s like the only person who we know who wants to go out out is my dad and FIL.

Drinking aside (as I think I think like you OP, ie I yearn for that fun silliness of youth where you’d spontaneously get pissed and have some sort of ridiculous fun night, but the truth is I just can’t handle feeling horrendous the next day), I know what you mean, in that I really really REALLY miss fun. But equally I just feel knackered. All the time. I think the thing I actually miss is how carefree things were when we were younger. I’m 44 and life is just more serious, more work, more worry, and a few shades of sadness. I think once you’ve lost one or more parents, worry about the remaining aging parent, have general caring responsibilities and a full on career, plus yes, I’m sorry to say, some effects of peri menopause, life is just quite hard work. I definitely miss the whimsy the laughter and the silliness! I fancy doing that albeit prob only with two max three drinks as I genuinely feel a bit crap anyway, don’t want to make it worse.

case in point - I went for a very small little run today - in a bid to boost fitness energy and longevity. Got a cramp in my calf and now can’t even walk downstairs without hobbling and yelping. I feel old and knackered. But also nostalgic for fun.

I agree, fortunately we found our tribe here, people who are 50+ who know how to have a good time. I think where you live does make a difference - my town is mostly walkable meaning most are drinking, Clearhead beer seems popular for those not drinking. We have a choice of 4-6 bands most Saturdays in town, not bad for 30k residents

I was talking with a friend about this recently. She thinks people who don't go out drinking are boring.. I think people who have been going out drinking their entire lives and still find it interesting now are boring! I can't think of anything worse now, despite being a heavy drinker for 20+ years. I can't bear to be around drunk people - pure cringe

I know this makes me sound like a prudish pearl clutcher, but I'm really not! I just dont want anything to do with it

I don't go on about the menopause etc. I just want to go out and do things I'm interested in

Stopped drinking years ago, it was impossible when up at 4.30am for work and never went back. Don't think had a drink at all now for several years. Last time I actually didn't like the way it made me feel anymore whereas I used to love it.

Yeah, am boring!

I'm a completely different person when I've had a few drinks. It generally doesn't end well so I avoid it now!

I'm all for it! I want maximum fun, but NO hangover. It's a fine line but, with intent, it can be done.

I've always been tee-total and never particularly enjoyed going out in the sense you mean. Doubtless I would count as boring. I also have a long standing friend who's ghosted everyone from the group and I suspect it's for similar reasons to you.

BUT, I do miss meeting up with my girlfriends and bonding with them and sharing our lives like we did at school and uni. I love a meal together or even a holiday together but it's a very rare event these days.

Your dad sounds great! 🤣 I'm sure the yoingsters think we're old fogeys though. There's a big age range of people where we go & the 20 year olds can't believe we're keeping up with them at 60 years old.
It's not like you invented going out children!

Just wanted to add, as seems to be a running theme in the replies - it isn't even the wanting to drink lots (for me anyway!), would just like to actually meet up and have fun rather than either moaning all the time or not even arranging anything in the first place as it's "too late" or "I'm on this special diet so can only eat a lentil at 5pm" stuff!!

Snooze fest!!

I’m boring. I used to enjoy wine and dancing in my single days in early adulthood. Now? No thanks. Don’t find it remotely fun. I enjoy a dinner out with a glass of wine but I just find “silly” chat so boring, it’s predictable and uninteresting to me.

Were all different though, sounds like you just need to keep looking for people who still want to do that.

Oh OP I couldn't agree more! Some of my friends just can't be arsed anymore, it's not about being out til all hours or being drunk but about letting loose and having the laugh.

I went on a girls weekend a few years ago, we had talked about it for years but between pregnancies and babies etc it was put off. We chose a real tacky party destination and we were all excited, we hadn't freedom like that in forever. Others spent the afternoons looking at menus and we went to the marina and had a 3 course meal and everyone wanted to go to bed around 10.30pm. First night i thought they were tired but this happened 3 consecutive nights, we never went to a pub although the place was back to back bars with people dancing and having fun. I distinctly remember a group next to us laughing and literally dancing out the door to the next venue while my gang were ranting about the lack of SEN supports in mainstream schools and talking about how they reward kids chores. I wanted to sob into my cocktail. I will never go again even if they ask. They are still my friends and I am there for them but we have different ways of letting off steam obviously. I have other pockets of social friends mostly work friends who have a bit of spark in them and occasionally go out with them.

Boring Friends (Lydia Davis)

We know only four boring people. The rest of our friends we find very interesting. However, most of the friends we find interesting find us boring: the most interesting find us the most boring. The few who are somewhere in the middle, with whom there is reciprocal interest, we distrust: at any moment, we feel, they may become too interesting for us, or we too interesting for them.