AIBU to think everyone has become boring?

[LilacHedgehog123]

Does being mid to late forties mean you have to be boring?

I used to have such a laugh with my mates but these days all they talk about is peri-menopause and laundry! One has to be home by 9 as they're tired and another 2 have given up alcohol. They say they'll have just as good a time drinking water. I know you can have a great night out sober, I've done it many times. But it's not the same though is it? I miss getting tipsy and giggling about silly things until late. Yes we can all have a good laugh sober, obviously. But it's not the SAME. I just really miss those nights out where we're silly and we embarrass ourselves and we laugh until we cry. But everyone else seems to have forgotten. It's WORTH the hangover and the being tired. It's not every day, it's just once every few months!

I've started binning them off and going out with work friends instead as they're so much more fun. I will always be there for my friends don't get me wrong, but when I want a night out, I want to go OUT OUT.

Does anyone else feel the same? When did having responsibilities mean you can't (very occasionally) be silly / stay up too late / be spontaneous? :(

I used to think like you. Then I gave up drinking and I realised I actually had a better time sober because I was present in the moment and actually concentrated on the conversation, the laughs, the silliness. I still dance and have fun - but the next day I feel great. I think it's a shame you don't feel like you can have fun without the booze. Part of my problem on occasion is that drunk people get quite boring at a certain point in the evening (I was one of these!) They start to repeat themselves, stand too close, start yelling. At some point you realise they aren't really remembering things youve said so you start to wonder what the point is - they probably wont even remember from.this point on tomorrow morning. So probably time to go home (at which point you would maybe assume I was being boring...)

I agree. I miss my friends when we were tipsy and talked for ours over a bottle of wine and laughed until it hurt. I've just been out with my friend who has whinged about her ex who won't pay child maintenance and it's the same convo every time. I made sure I had a large glass of wine to get me through. I just want to dance until my feet hurt and not care about men and all the other stuff that grinds you down just for one night!

Yeah this👆👆

I agree about not always having a conversation about peri (however I have a great husband, family, colleagues I could talk to if needed). Some people don’t have that so perhaps offloading on friends is a release for them???

Loved my late teens/20’s/30’s going out (even with two young kids in my late 20’s). My 40’s much prefer meeting friends for brunch/coffee/nice meal. Still enjoy a drink but not to hangover level. Weekends are so busy and I want to be outside enjoying them, so last thing I want is a hangover. I feel most of my friends feel the same too. We’ve been there, done it all, danced all night, had every weekend with a hangover, and now want quality conversation and a nice atmosphere (still have lots of laughs) but to wake up the next day feeling normal.

Im happy to let my hair down for a special occasion, but when nights out are limited and everyone is busy, would rather have a proper catch up with friends I can remember the next day.

Totally agree. I dont want to be that person in my 40’s (we’ve all been there and done that). I want proper conversation with friends, nice food, a few nice drinks (we actually appreciate) but still laughs.

My nights out now are alot more ‘me’ than the 18 year old necking shots to fit in and just to have the confidence to dance.

Why do you have to drunk to enjoy yourself? And you ditch friends who choose to stay sober? I doubt they are loosing much sleep when you stop getting in touch. It sounds as though you might be hard work to have as a friend.

Mumsnet is notoriously anti alcohol, so you won't find much sympathy here. But I agree, that doesn't sound fun. I hope my friends aren't like that when we reach our forties.

Same!! I loved it when I was young , I would come in at 4am , sleep for a few hours , then be up for work at 7 do a days work and go back out again. If I did that now I would most certainly die.

I started not being able to cope with hangovers and needing 2 days to recover about 2 years ago but now I hate the feeling of being drunk and I cringe at myself. The night may be ok but I then have days of not being able to function and consumed with anxiety . Now , I barely drink aside from a few glasses of wine in my house at the weekend and I am really happy with that! I hate going out and can’t imagine ever going to a club and doing shots ever again! It may seem boring to some but I’m happy and still enjoy myself. I’ve only just turned 40 .

Well I can't drink more than a couple of glasses of wine because I'll spend the next day in bed. So that's limiting.

And you really really really wouldn't want to see me "dancing".

One other consideration is that if you have to work the next day.

I don’t drink haven’t done since my early thirties I don’t miss it at all I got the binge drinking boozing days out of my system early on by time I had my first child I was done with drinking.
I don’t miss the hang overs the wasting your money and having nothing to show for it other than a bad hangover and an even emptier bank account.
I prefer days out meals out catching up over coffees or lunch instead.
I don’t think I’m boring just value my time and money more these days.

But you prefer it when everyone is drinking heavily? Nope can't fathom that. Clearly they don't think a hangover is worth it. I get wanting to go out dancing but from your original post you appear to be suggesting that when it comes to a good time. Alcohol is essential and the more the better.

I'm one of the boring folk I'm afraid, and I do get where you're coming from. Being tipsy and doing daft things is great fun! For me, though, I couldn't cope with the fatigue, insomnia and depression that drinking triggered, even occasionally, once peri-menopause set in. It sucks, and I do miss those days, but not enough to go back to drinking.

A similar friend and I have promised each other we'll become a pair of lushes in our 70s to make up for it

I am mid 40s and enjoy going out every couple of months for some drinks and a dance with my two oldest friends.. it's great fun! So I totally agree OP 🥂

Whatever you say dear..

Ah fuck you're in Bristol otherwise you could have come round my house.

I am surrounded by the most vanilla, boring arseholes ever to walk the planet. Same as you I don't need sex and drugs and rock and roll til all hours but nor do I want to talk about estrogen replacement therapy and how your morning run is so much better now you've quit alcohol. Bore off.

…and the Daily Mail would make us believe that all mums are are all alcoholics, reaching for a good bottle of Burgundy at 5pm! I am here for a good night out, and same, when my groups of friends arrange a night out, it’s pretty much orange juice and home at 9pm for majority of them. I yearn for a good night out of wine, belly laughs and forgetting some of life’s challenges for a few hours. A good night out with mates is worth the occasional hangover!

I’m 52 and with you OP, love a glass wine, love a good night out, love dancing!!

Yanbu. I hate it!

We are all late 40s - early 50s in our various friendship groups. We’ve definitely got boring. So often, the conversation is about ailments, aging parents, menopause and finances (like when everyone hopes to retire). The thought of clubbing is anathema.

BUT, we all still love getting shit-faced and a night at ours rarely ends before 4am, with lots of dancing in the kitchen. Our young adult kids will join in if they’re here, so we can’t be that dull.

Well sadly, i’ve probably become one of the people you describe. Presume you’re not hitting peri yet? I can’t drink more than 2 glasses of wine these days as it causes my heart to race. I have a couple of colleagues who say the same, since meno kicked in and anxiety is also partly to blame. I am usually asleep by 9, as i’m awake between 2-3am for the day, and I work full time so no chance of a nap, so early night it is as I struggle to stay away after 8!

That’s if I even go out. I much prefer a weekend day meet up now. I often make plans for week day evenings and cancel. I hate to be that person, but peri is kicking my butt. Blood tests next week, and if all come back ok going on HRT. I don’t think i’m boring and definitely don’t just take menopause, but nope, not as exciting as I once was and for me, those hangovers are not worth it!

Luckily for me a sub set of our wider group are really fun. It’s not about getting drunk but not being staid and stuck in your ways. Having a dance and a laugh once in a while. We got such a lovely reaction from the younger crowd on our last night out. We were clearly having the most fun and several said we gave them hope for a non boring future!

I think maybe you’ve just been lucky that it hasn’t affected you the same way. I can’t drink anymore as since peri, if I drink any alcohol I feel physically ill and over the next couple of weeks I have panic attacks

we should swap friends 🤣🤣 most of my friends are mid 40’s and seriously carry on like we did in our 20’s, meeting up every wkd drinking, misbehaving. I’m at a point where I don’t want to do that so I don’t see them that often anymore as I think grow up 🤣 don’t get me wrong I like a good drink and a laugh occasionally but I prefer to concentrate on my young children and spend time with them.

This really got me thinking because I have a friend who I think probably thinks I'm boring. I just don't want to drink alcohol anymore, the hangover and tiredness for 3 days is just never worth it. I noticed it when my children were young (still only 5 and 8) but I just felt my cup was already so depleted, if I added alcohol I was left with nothing left for a week and that felt really hard. So now I dont drink at all. Very occasionally one of my friends complains and tries to lead us into town but it never gets any traction and she makes hints that we are all boring. And I know what she means, we has so much fun in our 20s dancing and laughing but I just dont want that any more. I also love to be asleep by 9pm and up early getting breakfast and walking and chatting. Sometimes I wonder if I am a bore though and its confusing!

I can't be doing with the hangover these days tbh.
I had a terrible menopause which totally changed my tolerance to alcohol and late nights so I've become officially boring 😴.
I'm ok during the daytime though 😁