AIBU to think everyone has become boring?

[LilacHedgehog123]

Does being mid to late forties mean you have to be boring?

I used to have such a laugh with my mates but these days all they talk about is peri-menopause and laundry! One has to be home by 9 as they're tired and another 2 have given up alcohol. They say they'll have just as good a time drinking water. I know you can have a great night out sober, I've done it many times. But it's not the same though is it? I miss getting tipsy and giggling about silly things until late. Yes we can all have a good laugh sober, obviously. But it's not the SAME. I just really miss those nights out where we're silly and we embarrass ourselves and we laugh until we cry. But everyone else seems to have forgotten. It's WORTH the hangover and the being tired. It's not every day, it's just once every few months!

I've started binning them off and going out with work friends instead as they're so much more fun. I will always be there for my friends don't get me wrong, but when I want a night out, I want to go OUT OUT.

Does anyone else feel the same? When did having responsibilities mean you can't (very occasionally) be silly / stay up too late / be spontaneous? :(

I know what you mean.

I'm sort of living life the wrong way round. As a teenager I barely had any confidence, friends and barely drank. It wasn't until my late 20s I discovered wine and then I had my daughter.

Now I'm in my late 30s I want to go clubbing, travelling, have a laugh. But yea, alot of my friends don't want to.

I find people who don't drink quite boring personally. I get why they don't drink, honestly, but for me, a good time is having a few drinks, getting tipsy, belly laughing and dancing/karaoke. None of them want to do it anymore. They don't want to drink and go to bed early. Urgh.

Sorry but it's just how I feel.

Same. Love a power nap.

I’m such a boring old fart these days. I drink hot Ribena before bed at 9pm for an audiobook and 10 straight hours sleep. m
I couldn’t think of anything worse than going out out, but each to their own.
Crack on OP, you sound fun!

I agree that it's important to not get consumed by problems and leave some space in life for fun and joy. And I do think that some people forget it as they get absorbed by their problems, which is what makes them a bit boring. And then, they get used to this life and probably surround themselves with people (including online discussion groups) who are also into problems and get sucked in even more. I had this issue with my best friend whom I love dearly.

Well, I think you have a great personality and I wish I had a friend like that. My youngest is even the same age as your kids :) (my best friend has a son of the same age as mine and believe it or not, we barely did any fun activity with the kids all these years because there was always some issue (like she's afraid of germs in kids' activity centers). My solution was to just view her as a friend to chat, but I recently started looking for new friends, obviously being women of similar age, some are very inflexible, but eventually I'll find someone compatible.

I'm sure they think you're very much doing them a favour!😂

I am boring now. I wish I could just get drunk occasionally and have a laugh but it makes me feel so ill for a week afterwards that I just can’t. I am a billion times happier now that I don’t have hangovers, so it is worth the sacrifice. Sorry though, I get why you miss your old friends being fun. I know my friends miss that old me too.

I don't really give a damn.

I’m early 40s and I font drink, I also prefer to be home by 9 because I’m tired.

No doubt people would call me boring, but I find going out drinking boring.

There are lots of activities that can be enjoyed without drinking.

Walks, museums, cinema, theatre, crafts, eating out, spa days, shopping, coffee shops.

Quite.

I agree what's wrong with going out to the pub or even a club in your 40's?? My partner and his brother still DJ at club nights and his older brother is 51. It's great fun and absolutely amazing to let your hair down. Some of these posts are really depressing!

Each to their own. I did my drinking and sleeping around in my 20s, engaging in risky behaviour to the point where I started having a problem. Now I would rather stick pins in my eyes now (mid 50s).

Not sure why that’s ‘boring’ or ‘depressing’.

Just talking about tiredness/menopause/housework etc sounds so boring and if I ever get to that I'd honestly rather be dead! Drinking aside, I couldn't be friends with people who couldn't have a laugh and fun conversations.

It is not worth the 3 day hangover sadly

Think you may have an alcohol problem. People do,mostly grow up,and not NEED this prop anymore.

I get migraines now if I drink alcohol. Sometimes I miss it though, I was a big party animal and drinker before having kids. But now the migraine hangovers are absolutely not worth it

I’m one of those boring people who has stopped drinking and going out. I’ve got a job, a husband, two children and things I want to do and spend my money on other than alcohol and nights out.

No regrets. Im even thinking about cutting caffeine.

I can’t drink as I have a bad headache condition so any other type of headache that I may get I can’t cope with. I would absolutely not be talking about menopause though.

I’m older now - my health wouldn’t let me, but I really miss those days, when you’d get merry dance and sing along to the band in the pub, forget all about work, keeping house, just for an hour or two!

I think people tend to just be more aware of their responsibilities and how much time and energy they want to dedicate to something. I love a good night out and a dance and a couple of drinks, but I absolutely don't want to waste the next day on a hangover nor is that really fair to my kid if I do that. I enjoy doing things with him at the weekend and don't want to be hungover for it. To me, having a bit of moderation just gives you a nice balance where I can still have fun and be a bit silly but I'm still a present parent the next day. And overall I feel better in myself for it too.

I also don't really feel like I want to spend a small fortune on a night out given how expensive things are now. Nor can I afford to.

I think sometimes you can have different friends who bring different things to your life, so if your work friends are fun for a night out then go with that if it's what you want to do, but maybe your other friends are your ride or dies who you'd ring if you had a crisis. I'd just make sure you're investing in both in different ways.

I do think you've maybe a bit of a narrow view of fun if it has to involve getting really drunk tbh. Some of the stupidest, funnest things I've done have been completely sober. Are you under a lot of stress op because really what it sounds like is a need to blow off steam than anything else?

But not everyone in their 40s have young kids or kids at all so being a " present" parent is not the case for many. My kids were 25 22 and 14 when I was 45 , so old enough to not worry about it

And I don't think the OP was saying everyone needs to get totally shit faced, just not sit there moaning about ailments, peri or kids. You know it's actually possible to go out have a COUPLE of drinks and a good time.

Yes, I think it is a huge change in culture as when I was in my early twenties, it was 90% going out to pubs, gigs or clubs, no food involved!

I have other hobbies and do other things other than just drinking. But being tipsy does make everyone a bit more silly and giggly and carefree and it's this that I miss. Some people are like this without a drink, but a couple of proseccos does loosen most people up.

Call me childish, but I'm not ready to be sensible and serious all the time (there is obviously a time and a place don't get me wrong).

Everyone has had enough ill health / trauma / bad news by this age that we all NEED to be a bit silly (or at least I do!) to get through it!

Having a few prosecco's every few weeks means I have an alcohol problem? Wow!

I find it weird that you equate going to a pub or club with sleeping around and risky behaviour. That's you (and people the same as you). For some of us, we just like music and dancing and having a laugh with friends. I don't even drink but I love going out.

It may not be the case for many but it also is the case for many and we don't know what category ops friends fall into. Especially given that the average age to have a first child is around 35 nowadays it's much more common to be juggling a young family in your 40s.

"You know it's actually possible to go out have a COUPLE of drinks and a good time." Yes of course I know that but that's not what op has said here. She's said she feels the nights are "worth the hangover the next day" and she misses having too many drinks with her friends and making eejits out of themselves. That's not just going out for one or two and having a giggle. And even if they have kids that aren't young young, maybe older primary, a lot of parents spend sat and sun mornings ferrying kids about to sports clubs or parties or playdates and life is flipping busy. Never mind adding in things like caring responsibilities for ageing parents. I just think a lot of people in that age bracket are finding themselves with a lot of responsibilities and sometimes it's when you're out with friends you feel you have a bit of a support network to talk about these things because all the rest of the time you're just getting on with them. I just think it's a bit of a life stage thing. Then as you say when kids are older etc it can become a bit easier again, maybe there's more disposable income about as well.

In my experience, those who need a drink in order to 'have fun' are the boring ones 🤷‍♀️