AIBU to think everyone has become boring?

[LilacHedgehog123]

Does being mid to late forties mean you have to be boring?

I used to have such a laugh with my mates but these days all they talk about is peri-menopause and laundry! One has to be home by 9 as they're tired and another 2 have given up alcohol. They say they'll have just as good a time drinking water. I know you can have a great night out sober, I've done it many times. But it's not the same though is it? I miss getting tipsy and giggling about silly things until late. Yes we can all have a good laugh sober, obviously. But it's not the SAME. I just really miss those nights out where we're silly and we embarrass ourselves and we laugh until we cry. But everyone else seems to have forgotten. It's WORTH the hangover and the being tired. It's not every day, it's just once every few months!

I've started binning them off and going out with work friends instead as they're so much more fun. I will always be there for my friends don't get me wrong, but when I want a night out, I want to go OUT OUT.

Does anyone else feel the same? When did having responsibilities mean you can't (very occasionally) be silly / stay up too late / be spontaneous? :(

Yeah I get your point. Just not what I’d want to do I suppose, not my scene.

It was the generation we grew up in though and you were expected to be drunk (or called boring). From colleagues with kids in Uni etc, I think alot are turning away from alcohol or not drinking much. Even in the wealthy, middle class (posher!) area I grew up in, everyone would be drinking in parks, fields, fake id’s. There was nothing ‘classy’ about our behaviour.

My eldest is mid teens and im pretty sure I was out already at the age he is now (pretending to be at just a sleepover). He hates the idea of alcohol. We always went to the houses the parents who were usually out too and they had no idea what we were upto.

We’re happy to drink around the kids but really want them to grow up knowing having a nice glass of wine in the garden or with a meal, or in a pub on a walk, is how it should be. I think alot of parents these days don’t want their kids to have the same experience of alcohol that we did.

But you did say you were binning them off 🤣

Yep My lifestyle in my 20s was bringing up kids. Now they are grown I want a different lifestyle that involves travelling, socializing etc

But when I went out in my 20s I didn't want to hear about kids, now I don't want to hear about ailments

I do agree, I think 10 minutes or so chatting about peri/life stress/health is enough when its a night out, then the conversation should be fun and interesting. I’d talk to friends about serious stuff over a quiet coffee, not when it’s a rare night out.

But I do think if people want to slow down on nights out (nothing about my days is slow in my 40’s with job/house/kids), thats totally normal and ok. Life is busy, fine to want only ‘calmer’ nights out with no hangover at this stage.

I agree with you. I have certain friends like this. Luckily, I have others who like to paarrttyy!

I don’t know if the food thing is just society changing as my son and his friends, mid 20s, often go out for quite expensive meals to nice restaurants, something which would never have happened when I was that age. Unless it was a really special occasion, a meal out was always to a curry house because they were open when the pubs shut.

It does though!!

I can eat a cheese sandwich without sweating, but cooked cheese makes most definitely makes me sweat - but only on my forehead.

I think some people are affected differently by perimenopause. It really knocks some people on their arse and you kind of feel like you’re losing it. Perhaps your friends are just at a different point and it’s become a bit all consuming for them. I’ve really struggled with perimenopause and unfortunately live in a country where it’s virtually impossible to get HRT. I was pretty much self medicating my anxiety with wine and it’s was making the anxiety better for a night but ten times worse the next day, plus worsening other symptoms. Wasn’t doing my personal relationships any good either, so I’ve just quit drinking. Maybe your friends are just trying to keep afloat at the moment and have lost their fun streak for the time being. It’s a weird time for some women. You make whatever changes necessary just to claw your way through it.

Is there a chance they think you are also boring ?I’m in my mid twenties and have always detested alcohol,nights out ,dancing in public etc .Honestly I personally find people who enjoy alcohol and getting drunk to be the boring ones .I would much rather have a sober night in and be home at a sensible time because personally I don’t think any hangover is worth it .you clearly have different ideas of a fun night .Just because it’s boring to you doesn’t mean it’s boring to them .it sounds like your idea of fun is now what they find “boring “

Yeah I get you ! I think you need different friends for different reasons so you don’t have to bin them off just have other ones too !

You don't seem to have specified the age of your children and their children. In my experience that can make a massive difference!

We are all fucking knackered from work, young kids and trying to still get to the gym with no family support / village. So no the booze and late nights aren’t worth it. Even before kids I had got to a point where the hangovers / beer fear just weren’t worth it. Would notice a decline in my MH for a few weeks. So yeah I’m boring as fuck and love it. Will drink at home occasionally but no more than 2 and usually in bed for 9! Date nights out every month or two we usually send the sitter home by 10.

I completely resonate with this OP. I am 48 with two DCs 11 & 14 work 3 x 12hrs shifts a week.
I too miss dancing 💃 and generally chatting shit with my friends!! Most of them don't do late nights either (they work 9-5 jobs mon-fri) and are tired.
Don't get me wrong I also LOVE to sit on the sofa, under blankie watching a good film and going out for civilised meals/drinks. BUT like you say I miss getting tipsy, having a boogie and generally not feeling like a middle age mum for the night!! I often think if you've given up going out now what the hell are you going to be doing in 20 years time??
For some reason people seem to think when one is in their 40s we cant go out dancing or even to a club!!
I get people are tired, sure, I'm tired too but its literally making time for your mates once a month. Not too much to ask is it? No one is going to die from not having their 7 hours kip every so often!
I'm not a morning person and struggle to get up to make my early starts but if my friends wanted to do a breakfast date one morning then sure of course I'll come because I want to see them.

Why are you surprised? Is it because you think its irresponsible?

I did all this in early 20s 30s !
So now I'm near 50 it just doesn't appeal like it used to maybe younger years it's good to blow off steam when your a mum ect but now I feel calm and happy and don't need to do that I prefer a good brisk walk with the dog or meeting up with all my family I think people just change or maybe we all just growing in different ways ❤️

Sorry - I meant just for a night out. I didn't mean I'm going to abandon them as friends! 😂

Fun comes in all sorts of different ways. Clubbing or drinking is not fun for me so I would be as miserable doing that as you would be stuck in front of the tv on a Saturday night. I’m a daytime person so for me it’s ideal to be out during the day then home in the evening. A day out in sunshine, nice food, nice scenery, nice company then back home in the evening is my perfect way to spend time. But you are right, everyone needs some ‘fun’, whatever shape that takes.

Oh it's 100% affecting me too don't get me wrong, I'm also tired, get night sweats etc. For me though, having all these changes going on which is really hard work makes me want to find the fun even more. I don't just mean drinking, I mean doing new / exciting things and being silly I guess. Even if I am tired!

We all have kids around the same ages. Mine are 7 and 8. They are the best thing that ever happened to me and help me find the joy in every day. We sing in the car on the way to school and laugh a lot. I think they've kept me young in a way as they absolutely love it when mummy is being silly and we play a lot of games together. Don't get me wrong, I don't drink in front of them ever. And if I do have a hangover after a very rare night out, I'll suck it up and still take the kids out for the day. I never get stupid drunk, just tipsy!

Exactly. We planned a night out once that started exceptionally late but it was a live cover band from the music we used to love and we thought it would be fun. When it came to it, they all pulled out! Because it started too late. My husband and I went and had a blast. We didn't drink. We were tired the next day but still got up and took the kids out and just dealt with it and it was worth it. I think they all missed out. This is what I mean by boring! Let's not give up on the fun just because we're over 40!!

It might be that you are stuck with old friends that no longer match your vibe as the young say? My old school / uni friends are like those on this thread. I’ve met local friends some of whom still are up for having fun. Can you look for some like minded friends op? Still see my old friends but if I just had them I would feel like this op.

Maybe we can be friends. I love a proper night out out. I feel like it's the freedom post-young kids that I want to eek out every minute of a night out and never go home when really I should 🙈😂

It might also depend on jobs.
I would very much be one of the boring people you describe, because I simply can't face staying up late. I am a teacher and take my dog for a walk at 6am every day, then I get back and help my children get ready for school (still young and need a hand, lots of trips etc. And remembering stuff).

I leave for work at 7.45 and home at 5.30/6pm. I eat at my desk and have a massive workload that makes me feel like I'm drowning every day.

I get home and make dinner then spend precious time with my family. My husband goes away for work quite a lot but he helps a lot when home.

I feel like death if I don't got to bed by 9.30pm and can't function properly in my job.

It might also depend on jobs.
I would very much be one of the boring people you describe, because I simply can't face staying up late. I am a teacher and take my dog for a walk at 6am every day, then I get back and help my children get ready for school (still young and need a hand, lots of trips etc. And remembering stuff).

I leave for work at 7.45 and home at 5.30/6pm. I eat at my desk and have a massive workload that makes me feel like I'm drowning every day.

I get home and make dinner then spend precious time with my family. My husband goes away for work quite a lot but he helps a lot when home.

I feel like death if I don't got to bed by 9.30pm and can't function properly in my job.