AIBU to think everyone has become boring?

[LilacHedgehog123]

Does being mid to late forties mean you have to be boring?

I used to have such a laugh with my mates but these days all they talk about is peri-menopause and laundry! One has to be home by 9 as they're tired and another 2 have given up alcohol. They say they'll have just as good a time drinking water. I know you can have a great night out sober, I've done it many times. But it's not the same though is it? I miss getting tipsy and giggling about silly things until late. Yes we can all have a good laugh sober, obviously. But it's not the SAME. I just really miss those nights out where we're silly and we embarrass ourselves and we laugh until we cry. But everyone else seems to have forgotten. It's WORTH the hangover and the being tired. It's not every day, it's just once every few months!

I've started binning them off and going out with work friends instead as they're so much more fun. I will always be there for my friends don't get me wrong, but when I want a night out, I want to go OUT OUT.

Does anyone else feel the same? When did having responsibilities mean you can't (very occasionally) be silly / stay up too late / be spontaneous? :(

I do know what you mean OP. I turned 50 last summer & my local group of friends of a similar age never seem to want to meet up anymore or i have to arrange everything & nag people . We all have one kid the same age/school year though parents vary a bit in ages. I think covid lockdowns changed some people and made them want to stay home more. I know loads more women friends who have cut back or totally given up alcohol as they go through Peri M as it keeps them awake or gives them awful hangovers. Obviously money is a bit tighter for a lot of people too. My kids are 18 & 21 though so I'm ready to PARTY (but in bed by 12 with no hangover type of thing 🤭). I want to try more fun things though and have fun/giggles with friends but lots of friends are too busy with stressful careers and younger kids etc. I'm joining new classes on my own (dance exercise classes) & considering joining local social Facebook meet-up groups to find friends who actually want to meet up & do things. Life is short and the news is full of depressing crap. I want to enjoy my next 20-30 years.

Exactly. And I'm not sure it is introvert/extrovert because I didn't mind a few wild nights out in my youth!

It's more, as you say, your tastes change as you evolve. Lots of that sort of behaviour - drinking and dancing etc - is, if you think about it from a biological point of view, quite useful in getting yourself impregnated, which I think the body vaguely and subliminally recognises.

When it has satisfied that urge, I think it's normal to move on to feeding your intellectual life - I;d come to the theatre with you! Not boring at all.

Absolutely! I'm all for fun and giggles but I'm so glad clubbing is off the cards for me now I'm 50 🤭 though I'd give a silent disco a go or one of those daytime discos maybe if it was designed for older folk

Dangerous I so relate to your post! I actually (at 50) have a real now or never mindset. Feel time is running out and want to make the most of everything and do lots of things. I find the “home by 9pm aches and pains” types an absolute anathema.

I work with the terminally ill which has affected my mindset. One client shared my date of birth and said “oh to be 50 again”
then she died the next week. We really need to treasure the time we have.

I have no intention of going to a club full of young people! I am up for a few drinks in a nice bar where you can dance and have a giggle.

And yes I did suggest the other things but it's too tiring apparently!

Us girls had a weekend away last year. There was a swimming pool and a bar. Some didn't want to swim and mess their hair up, some wanted to sit and read a book, one went for a nap. I have nothing against any of these things. Each to their own. But they are boring.😅

Years ago we'd have been falling off the lilo into the pool, having a few drinks and forgetting to eat lunch, silly (fun) things. I'm wondering if that's life now. You hit 40 and this is what you enjoy? Being sensible 100% of the time? Not even sensible 90% and 10% fun?

I'm going to stop going on about it now, I just miss the silly, irresponsible time.

Yes, life is for living. I do think there's a lot of time for sitting around watching TV and getting an early night but it can't be now (in our 40s) surely? I'd be happy with living even 95% sensibly but we must have the 5% fun mustn't we?

Is your career compatible with regular late nights and drinking?!

But don’t you just think it’s seasonal and not necessarily permanent?

I’ve put my partying on hold in order to prioritise my health for a while whilst I deal with peri symptoms and autoimmune issues. But I don’t see that as being forever. At some point I’ll hopefully have a hormone cocktail that works for me and I’ll be straight back out there. Even if it takes a couple of years.

Whilst I’m living a relatively quiet life right now, I don’t plan on staying this way for the next 30-40 years. It’s just what my body needs right now (probably as a result of years of abusing my body!)

The drinking was just one element, a lot of people are still (sometimes more) fun when not drinking. I'm sure your DH's friends will see this and be happy for him for giving up!

Yes hopefully it's just a phase as we adjust to our changing hormones and other things, I didn't think of that way. I guess I just thought it was downhill from here and I'm not ready for that this young!!

I gave up alcohol about 7 years ago now. I’m in bed by 7pm, I sleep a lot due to grief. I prefer being at home, I love my space. People annoy me at times. Prefer my pets to be honest.

I do think various socio demographics have changed things a lot too. People having children later means they can often be 50 or older and still with kids around that need them a fair bit and a fair few people with parents living in their mid 80s and 90s and not in care , but relying somewhat on family’s -so women in particular can very easily be in that sandwich generation with teens and elderly parents with some needs - thinking back when I was younger my friends all had kids in their 20s and none of us had parents living beyond 86 or so .

I think you’re probably better off keeping your existing friends for the more sedate activities and joining groups where like minded people as yourself can enjoy more ‘fun’ activities. The good thing about the internet is you can research these things and not have to rely on a notice board at your local library. I think there’s room enough to have different friends for different interests. You’re not wrong for wanting these things and they’re not wrong for not wanting them, so you have to find other people to share the more extrovert interests. Good luck and have fun! 🤞

I never said I was abandoning my friends 😂

From what I remember, all night raves were water and drugs, not much alcohol involved.

Anyway maybe times have changed.

Either way, not my cuppa tea.

I'm 54 Clubbing was never on the cards. Nothing to do with age. More to do with music taste

No. I have a 15 year old. And even when they were a younger child I still went out and did all the things said above.
Just now its easier to get out as no babysitter required.

Falling off the lilo and forgetting to eat lunch doesn’t sound fun to me at this stage in life (im not trying to pick up on every word) but that kind of silliness comes so naturally in your 20’s. It would feel forced in your 40’s.

Im in my 40’s, on a very rare weekend away with friends, if I went somewhere with a pool, I would want to totally chill out on a lilo, relax in the spa, zone out (still chat with friends ofcourse). Missing lunch - no way! Im in for proper yummy meals with cocktails.

I went on a Club 18-30’s holiday after school and cant remember eating a single proper meal (not sure what we actually ate). No thanks in my 40’s - im checking out the menu in advance and i’ve earned nice hotel’s and restaurants.

Time moves on and I feel more ‘me’ in my 40’s than any previous decade. When my kids leave home, planning on more nice meals out with DH/friends, big long list of places we enjoy for holidays, city breaks and doing more outdoor hobbies. Going crazy with nights out (as a few people have said when their kids move out) doesn’t sound fun to me at all.

How is that relevant & where did I say I wanted to drink regularly? or stay up late? Are you confusing me with someone else?

Why? Since when did life as we know it end when we become parents?

I get logistically it can be harder for some, arranging babysitters etc. Ive been lucky in that OH doesnt really enjoy the scene so hes happy for me to attend with my friends, or DS has gone to grandparents.

The issue I have is the whole attitude shift. The "oh im too old for that" comments. Im of the opinion that no one is too old for anything, if they want to do something. And as long as there's no affect on anyone else then no one should be judging.

You may feel " more you" in your 40s with the sedate MC lifestyle. Doesn't mean the OP would

Those nights out in our 20s were boring as hell. I was just counting the minutes until I could go home. Why people think going out and getting drunk is fun is absolutely beyond me.

It may be a phase of life they are in , or that they have changed ?
they may ‘return’ to fun if its about commitment s etc.
i feel exactly like you - am in early 60s and have always loved live music and dancing. And go to live music most weeks in pubs .
i went away to a local city- we did a spa , daytime drinks, rest in the afternoon, then out from 5 for food and a music bar till midnight.
yes iys a little harder for me due to my age than most of the group in their 30 s and 40s- but it invigorates you to do these things op i agree!

Everyone’s different. More fool you for repeatedly going on nights out that you didn’t enjoy,

I agree, but going by the thread (and my friends), I think its fair to assume alot of people want to live a different lifestyle in their 40’s to their 20’s.

OP seemed to answer her own point anyway as she can do the more wild nights out with her colleagues and chilled nights with her friendship group. So really no issue.

I do agree the peri chat shouldn’t dominate all conversations though. But surely good friends can be honest with each other. Just tell them your changing the subject if its going on and on and move onto something more exciting!