AIBU to think everyone has become boring?

[LilacHedgehog123]

Does being mid to late forties mean you have to be boring?

I used to have such a laugh with my mates but these days all they talk about is peri-menopause and laundry! One has to be home by 9 as they're tired and another 2 have given up alcohol. They say they'll have just as good a time drinking water. I know you can have a great night out sober, I've done it many times. But it's not the same though is it? I miss getting tipsy and giggling about silly things until late. Yes we can all have a good laugh sober, obviously. But it's not the SAME. I just really miss those nights out where we're silly and we embarrass ourselves and we laugh until we cry. But everyone else seems to have forgotten. It's WORTH the hangover and the being tired. It's not every day, it's just once every few months!

I've started binning them off and going out with work friends instead as they're so much more fun. I will always be there for my friends don't get me wrong, but when I want a night out, I want to go OUT OUT.

Does anyone else feel the same? When did having responsibilities mean you can't (very occasionally) be silly / stay up too late / be spontaneous? :(

I think people just make different choices over the years and thats fine of course. I also enjoy a night out with my 2 workmates. Ones 40 and a big night out drinker. Im 53 and I cant handle those hangovers any more so only drink a little. I also live in (apparently) the party capital of England so its easy to fall into bar after bar and not even realise how much you've had to drink. I've never been a clubber. I also occasionally have nights out with older friends...mainly special occasions now. Me and the husband go out regularly. Hes the best company. Even our kids enjoy a day out and home early. They dont go out a lot tbh. I agree day time is better. Its not about getting stinking drunk. Theyre 18 22 27 and 28 and we are currently organising a darts day for easter weekend...about 4-5 drinks, maybe food, then home. Its quite normal here to be in town day or night and see people and couples of many many ages out and about having a few drinks. I could be considered young in some places we frequent 🤣 One bar has a monday afternoon dance day for more over 55s. They look to be thoroughly enjoying themselves. We love a good bop about. We stayed in on Saturday drinking red wine and home made baileys watching 70s 80s and 90s music channels and had a dance around the living room bed and bed at 2am. Good happy fun times

I think a middle ground is needed!
Your friends don’t need to drink and can be home by 9 pm if they want.
Buuut they could ease it with the menopause and housework chat.

I’m late 30s with a baby, and most of my friends have kids. We’ve swapped drunken nights out dancing on tables until 3am for nice meals out and home by 9pm.
HOWEVER our chat isn’t boring. Even though we’re sober, we have such a laugh at these meals. There’s always good gossip, fun things to discuss, and I always come away feeling really good and fulfilled.

Wow I wasn't expecting this to get so much traction!

I find it weird that people aren't reading my whole post. It's not the lack of alcohol, I can (and will often) have a lovely night out without a drink!

The other points I made (which are being mostly ignored) are that when we do go out, the conversations used to be fun and now they are all about peri-menopause (which I'm also suffering with), bad backs and whinging. We all need to talk about these things, and as good friends, we do.

But OCCASIONALLY I would love a night out that's about being silly and having a giggle, like we used to.

I'll always be friends with my friends, I just don't enjoy going 'out out' with them any more :) We'll still go out for days out, dinner etc! I'm not binning them or anything 😂

“I’m not binning them or anything…”

Yet in your first post you said “I've started binning them off and going out with work friends instead…”

I love this reply, thank you very much. You're absolutely right! Maybe this is what I need to do, organise tipsy nights out with my work friends (who are younger!) and keep the dinners / days out / spa days for my other friends! X

I guess you could think about it from the viewpoint that maybe some of your friends would really want to drink, but have found they react to it much more extremely now. Same kind of thing with caffeine - it was a huge pleasure for me, but I guess I have had too much of a good thing because it is really beginning to disagree with me however I try to sneak it in.

So not that your friends are actually happy to be virtuous, and it's the deterrent factor in their bodies/health that they didn't see coming, which might put a disappointing or inhibiting spin on 'nights out' for them. I also agree with the time you have for doing anything being quite limited in your 40s (apparently the 50s look better) and the attempts to make plans with several people being very hard to pull together, with a lot of cancellations. To be able to talk consistently interestingly, it does help to have a couple of regular activities just to develop yourself, I think - and although I've started these a time or 2, less interesting but important priorities have got on top of them.

Yes it would appear so. And maybe I will grow up one day. But I sincerely hope not 😂

You’re basically asking if people are boring if they don’t drink. I haven’t been a drinker since my late teens, so the basic premise of your question would include me in the boring category then.

For that reason, I’ve voted you’re being unreasonable.

Heaven forbid a parent might want to do that! 😂

I’m another decade and a bit older than you, and I’ve found that I went through a phase when there was just too much responsibility to allow for late nights and too much alcohol. Gone through that now and the late nights aren’t a problem, but my body’s ability to handle alcohol gets worse with every year - and honestly it’s gutting! The only good thing with this is I can get pissed on half a lager - so nights out are very cheap for me. Unless I go down the mocktail route.

We have a big group of friends from our school years and twenties and we have parties still that definitely have alcohol but some don't drink, it's more about the food as well. All these men/women also run regularly, yoga, Pilates etc. I don't fin they're mutually exclusive. We are early to mid forties but I can't imagine it changing in fact going on a stag/hen dos abroad this year but for the men in particular this will largely be about good food as well as beer. I find the move is towards good food as well as good drinks!

i think there is a few splits. My friends were all goths/rockers so we hung around in live music venues/pubs with bands on and late licences... where my friends that were more preppy/dance music fans were in the dance clubs with sticky floors and lecherous gropey pissed up lads.

The latter never appealled... but i was out just as late dancing, but to live music in a crowded pub.

Then there is the parenting split. There's those of us who had kids in our 20s who're now in our 40s with late teens/young adult children who have our weekends back to spend socialising, and those still in the trenches of parenting children under 10 because they didn't start families until their mid to late 30s.

I do think the stuff shirt 'i'm going to sit here in my two piece suit sipping tea from china in my salon with my ladies' who think wanting to go to the pub/have a drink/have a laugh with their friends is juvenile need to rediscover their sense of fun and humour, but MN has always had it's fair share of stuck up fun sponges who forgot how to laugh.

You don’t. I’m just surprised!

I couldn’t think of anything worse. It would take me a week or more to recover now that I’m in my 40s.

I’m surprised that they would want to parent whilst recovering from that kind of night out.

Each to their own though.

Some of us have over 16s so parenting requirements on Sundays are pretty limited. Not that I get particularly drunk on a night out but like a dance occasionally. Outrageous to some it seems!

Maybe they just hold their drink better than you?

I certainly do now I’m in my 50s. I know my own system, and what paving, water, food etc will give me the right level of fun buzz and no hangover.

Im in my mid 30’s and boring now and I love it. I spent my 20’s living abroad, drinking and partying. I’m now over 2 years sober, spend my days at the park and soft play and exercising, and barely been out past 8 pm for years haha. I’m hoping I’ll get a second wind in my 50’s once kids are older maybe!

I’m 46 and I’ve always been like you Op but the last couple of years I just cba. I hate being around drunken idiots. I still like a drink myself but would rather go out early & be home early or have drinks & a laugh my friends house. I’ve been surprised by this change in myself but also not unhappy about it.

I fucking HATE people that think that if you don’t drink alcohol you’re boring.

Ironic really, seeing as you’re the one that thinks alcohol = having a good time/being fun.

That's not what my post said. It's the combination of things that's boring. Not just the not drinking. I have friends that don't drink and are still up for a laugh (me included if I'm driving).

It's everything. Not wanting to be out past 9pm even if they're having a good time, not wanting to dance any more or go to a nice new bar, not wanting to try anything new, being too tired to have fun, not being spontaneous (when the husbands are more than happy to hold the fort as they like to do spontaneous things too which us wives support).

Let's hire a little boat and go up the river with a bottle of prosecco (or nosecco!), let's get rugby tickets, let's try this new bar, let's go see this band on in the next city... fun things! Things we used to do! Even if we are 40 something, peri-menopausal and tired!

I fucking HATE people that think that if you don’t drink alcohol you’re boring.

Thankfully, most people can take or leave booze on a night out and still be decent company, but some people are boring without booze.

We have a friend who went to AA and stopped drinking for 3 months. Something we all praised him for as he was a big drinker. But, by god, he was so bloody boring sober. As I says, he lasted 3 months and is now back on the booze. But our nights with him are less tortuous.

I have a friend like you op I could match you up (she is also looking for a man)

Most of our friends have no interest in going out drinking and dancing (unless for myself its a family party) done that been there had great times but have no desire to repeat them

what's boring to one is comfortable and a happy place for another

you need more friends

I think it’s not so much your personality changing but your wants and needs. I had my kids later so I had already done whatever it was I wanted to do so I never had fomo or discontentment. Some people love clubbing, some people hate it, regardless of age. I don’t really drink either (one glass sends me to sleep) but I don’t think I’m a boring friend. I would go out to the theatre and I would really love to see BTS in concert even as an older person, but the idea of going to a club or getting drunk wouldn’t interest me at all. Could be an extrovert/introvert thing maybe.

Yes I could probably manage that. I was more replying to the people who are going all out for "pickled livers" and "going batshit" and the like.

It's not a "box" I put myself in because I am a parent; it's just that batshit no longer really appeals to me and sounds both uncomfortable and exhausting.

I can manage to get myself to a lovely meal out, which usually involves a glass of wine or two. That sort of night out still appeals, but the bar cruising less so ...

Have you actually asked these friends if they want to go to a gig or boat trip?

It’s been so long since I went to a club I don’t think I’d even know how to dance, 🫣 I feel my feet would be rooted to the floor.😁 Are these clubs full of 20 somethings or are they for older people. Youngsters didn’t like older people in their ‘disco’ back in my day (peak disco era, 1970s).

One of the perks of getting older for me was thinking, thank fuck I don’t have to go clubbing anymore 😂