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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why do people feel ok to extend their stay / outstay their welcome? And how to handle it .

185 replies

Boomboomi · 16/03/2026 14:22

Aibu to get impatient when people who visit ( family) stay longer than period agreed.
Our relatives live a 3 hr drive away.
They have history of comming at Christmas and ending up staying until the new year and beyond.
We are finding that hard as ita a long time and v expensive , plus we also just want our house back . So this year we told them that period is too long for us - its either Christmas or new year not both In one stretch .
We will see how it goes this year based on this .
They came again last weekend. i had specially said yes you can come but will it just be the weekend, they said ‘yes’ . They arrived sat am and to me the weekend ends sun eve. They then said can we stay Sunday evening as the drive is too far to drive on a sat and a Sunday.
I said yes - reluctantly- as we had been trying to establish boundaries. ( my dh said some people think a weekend is sun eve , go home mon? And therefore nothing had changed?)
I was trying to find out when they were leaving and it was , oh we will need lunch, we may chill for a bit after lunch , we womt affect you/ be in your way … carry on with what you need to do ….

  • aibu when people say / do things like this ?( they clearly enjoy coming, but i feel tnese when they extend the stay or drift around not going?
  • am I totally un flexible or is it ok to want people to go when we agreed?!
OP posts:
bettydavieseyes · 22/03/2026 06:57

I dont have people to stay. I point out the cheaper nearby hotels but never offer to host anyone...equally, I dont stay in other peoples houses.

Happysecondtimeround · 22/03/2026 08:10

As soon as they are up and dressed, strip the bed, and any towels they have used and say if I don't do this now,I won't get time in the week. I will do dinner early so you can be on your way.!

ThePoetsWife · 22/03/2026 08:14

You need to stop giving reasons - and just say ‘no this won’t work for us’ ‘it’s not convenient’ etc

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 22/03/2026 09:43

keepswimming38 · 22/03/2026 05:19

You are obviously a walk over. When they ask if they can stay a bit longer you say ‘no sorry I’m busy’ How hard is that?

Hard enough for OP to ask for help about it.
Surely, you can comprehend that not everyone finds it easy as we're all different.

It's not just saying words, it's the feeling behind it, and OP has had some lovely helpful advice from people more understanding.

ChavsAreReal · 22/03/2026 09:59

They are extremely rude. They are ignoring your polite cues.

You will have to match their own communication style and say "just to warn you, youll need to leave by 5pm Sunday, I need to get that room ready for visitors"

Also why are you making them omelette?

KimberleyClark · 22/03/2026 10:22

Re Christmas/ New Year, do you ever go to them? We had my ILs every Christmas and NY, there were boring logistical reasons for this, one of which being that MIL’s birthday fell between Christmas and NY and we felt bad asking them to leave before then.

JuliettaCaeser · 22/03/2026 10:23

Jane Austen dealt with this beautifully “you have delighted us long enough”

squashyhat · 23/03/2026 07:46

I had an aunt who used to stand up, smile and say "Well, it's been lovely to see you. I'll just get your coats" Grin

Tony1954 · 23/03/2026 08:03

Just don't have them to stay in the first place. Problem solved. Just let them visit and stay in a hotel somewhere.

Minglingpringle · 23/03/2026 22:07

Boomboomi · 16/03/2026 15:24

don’t have this problem. Before anyone comes to stay I always discuss with them when they will be arriving and leaving.

yes i need to be more specific maybe - but when I said the weekend - and said only the weekend - after arrival they asked to stay longer / we womt bother you / you can still go to work/ we can cook etc …& i cant / struggle to find a reason tomsay no .

Just say “it’s really tiring having guests and I can’t handle more than 2 nights”. No shame in telling them how you really feel. Work out what it is exactly and tell them. Plenty of people find it tiring having guests. There’s a famous saying: “guests are like fish, they go off after 3 days”.

Sounds like they are thoughtless and you find it difficult to stand up for yourself.

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