Why do people feel ok to extend their stay / outstay their welcome? And how to handle it .

[Boomboomi]

Aibu to get impatient when people who visit ( family) stay longer than period agreed.
Our relatives live a 3 hr drive away.
They have history of comming at Christmas and ending up staying until the new year and beyond.
We are finding that hard as ita a long time and v expensive , plus we also just want our house back . So this year we told them that period is too long for us - its either Christmas or new year not both In one stretch .
We will see how it goes this year based on this .
They came again last weekend. i had specially said yes you can come but will it just be the weekend, they said ‘yes’ . They arrived sat am and to me the weekend ends sun eve. They then said can we stay Sunday evening as the drive is too far to drive on a sat and a Sunday.
I said yes - reluctantly- as we had been trying to establish boundaries. ( my dh said some people think a weekend is sun eve , go home mon? And therefore nothing had changed?)
I was trying to find out when they were leaving and it was , oh we will need lunch, we may chill for a bit after lunch , we womt affect you/ be in your way … carry on with what you need to do ….

• aibu when people say / do things like this ?( they clearly enjoy coming, but i feel tnese when they extend the stay or drift around not going?
• am I totally un flexible or is it ok to want people to go when we agreed?!

I think that next time they ask to visit you say no and explain that it's because they always stay longer than they say they will and you can't have that any more. If they argue then you could say "We can give it one more chance but if you ask to overstay again, that's the end".

Who are these people who are being so rude. Are they inlaws on your husbands side?

Pretty much this OP. Some people are takers and you need to be very specific with them.

I've had someone ask to come for Easter, then stayed for a week.
It meant we didn't get any holiday time to ourselves before going back to work.

You have to spell it out.

Practice saying in front of the mirror: that doesn't work for us. No explanations, no apologies, no follow ups.

'We will want to leave on Monday as it's such a long drive.'
'That doesn't work for us' - and just wait.

If they are too gauche to get it after that there's no hope.

Quickly book a trip for yourself somewhere where they can't follow you

I think you have been socialised to be polite and pleasant and put everyone else's needs before your own. Now is the time to break free of that! Be blunt: when they said, 'can we stay tonight, as we don't fancy the drive', just say, 'no.' If you feel you must expand, say, 'no, but there's a Travelodge at x, if you feel you can't drive all the way home in one go.' Remember, THEY are the ones being rude by outstaying their welcome.

I really don't like MN clichés, but I think this is one occasion when it's worth reminding you, OP, that, as so many people here are fond of observing, "Fuck off out of my house, you irritating, parasitic chancers" is a full sentence.

Then there is always the chance they'll suggest staying at your house in your absence .......

They’re THAT type of people who just doesn’t/ignores huge hints!! 😩 It’s infuriating as you’ve pretty much already tried what others suggested. Your only option left now is to be blunt I think.
People are guessing it’s your in laws? Can you confirm the relationship with these people so perhaps make it easier for people to suggest other ways to handle it?
They sound like they hate the thoughts of the journey home so drag it out as long as possible. You’ve no choice, I think the way things sound you’re just going to have to sit them down and have a serious conversation about boundaries to them. Explain to them respectfully that you love them and love having them visit but you also get overwhelmed with the length of time they stay and from now on you’ll prearrange the times prior to their visit and you’re sticking to it. I do think sending them home at 11am is a bit early, I personally hate rushing out after getting up and having breakfast so I think 1pm is a fair compromise, they’ve time for breakfast and lunch if they want and then leave and if they suggest later just smile and say no sorry if we start that it’ll be back to the same so I’d rather we stick to what we originally agreed. You’ve tried everything so just time to properly explain and set your boundaries and stick with it.

We had a mate who we agreed to put upon our student house for a couple of nights. After a week we stating jokingly/hinting saying 'don't you have a home to go to?' I'm the end we had to tell him.that we don't mind letting him sleep here after a pary but its not a hotel, its our home. He got the message.

I think next time they ask to visit I'd say No, you are thoroughly fed up with them extending their agreed time and not leaving promptly on the Sunday AS AGREED !

Be frank and let the lesson sink in. Don't let them visit for, say, 6 months then invite with a firm boundary. And insist on it.

yanbu at all. your dh is talking absolute nonsense. a weekend visit means leaving on sunday afternoon or evening. leaving on monday after lunch is a long weekend and they know exactly what they are doing.
they are taking the absolute piss with the "we will need lunch and chill for a bit" comment. it translates to them treating your house like a free b&b and completely ignoring your boundaries. people who say "just carry on as normal, we won't be in your way" are always the ones who are massively in the way just by being there in your space.
you aren't being inflexible, you're just dealing with incredibly rude guests who are used to walking all over you. next time they pull the "the drive is too far for just sat-sun" card, you just say "ah that's a shame, maybe we can catch up another time then" or point them to the nearest travelodge.
you need to shine your spine and hold firm on the christmas rules, because based on this weekend, they will 100% try to stay right through to january again. dh needs to step up and manage his family instead of making pathetic excuses for them.

What is the relationship to you? I would just start saying no when they ask to visit

I think Sunday night is reasonable but staying til after lunch on Monday is ridiculous.

having said that I don't go until Monday afternoon when I visit my parents, but they like having me there so I suppose that’s different,

In future when they ask to stay another night say no that's not possible. Then to stiffen your resolve against cajoling go up to the guest room and strip the sheets off the bed and don't replace them until they've gone.

Folk like that are very thick skinned. You need to be tough with them.

OP are you there?

I used to let this happen and always the same culprit. When I moved, I used it as a chance to set new boundaries as it's a holiday type location too.

Sent the invite after agreeing dates, only to be then sent a train ticket with a day added on each side, because it was apparently cheaper.

Wrote back to say, sorry, that won't work for me, the dates we agreed still stand or we can do another time.

She had to alter the ticket and pay an admin fee.
I was probably as shocked as she was that I'd finally stood my ground.

Still friends and it was never spoken of again.
People only treat you as you allow them. Should have started sooner, but you live and learn as it doesn't come naturally to some.

Someone needs to tell them straight. 'we love seeing you but it's inconvenient when you leave after the time we've agreed'. Either you or your partner if they're in-laws. And if it happens again I think either partner needs to be briefed to ensure it doesn't or you will need to say 'sorry, that doesn't work for me, so you will need to leave by X o clock as agreed'

I would NEVER invite these people ever again. Freeloaders, thats all they are, and they know exactly what they're doing!

OP already said,they will just sit reading in bed if she suggests that sort of thing. They never go!

You're going to have to flat out say "Look, I'm going to be upfront with you. I love visiting with you, but after 2 pm (or whenever) on Sunday I need you to leave. I need my house and my solitude back. I hope you understand." I've done this, and after you actually do it once, you find that it's not that difficult after all.

Because you let them!

If you don't want them to stay, then say no, I'm sorry but that really doesn't work for us - we're out at 6am, actually we've got a friend coming tonight - whatever. I mean, best to start asking at like 3pm or earlier, but this is because you have just let them roll over you.

I'd have them stay in a hotel

I think the issue is the long journey. A lot of older people would find it hard to travel on consecutive days.

It seems to me that the guests are the ones being 'breathtakingly rude'. IMO, they know exactly what they are doingtaking advantage! I've had family members do this to me alsoonce over a holiday while my husband was on chemo treatments. Family can be the worst as far as taking advantage.

You are obviously a walk over. When they ask if they can stay a bit longer you say ‘no sorry I’m busy’ How hard is that?