AIBU to feel disappointed by DP’s ‘effort’ on my first Mother's Day?

[Newmum255]

Just looking for some second opinions really. DP thinks I’m being ungrateful and have too high expectations because of social media.

Today was my first Mother’s Day, I was really excited. I’d made a big effort for DP’s first Father’s Day last June.

His parents came round this morning, at which point I was presented with some flowers which still had the price tag on and a card. I opened the card, and rather than a nice personalised one from my DS (as I’d got him, one with photos on) it was a novelty card which said ‘your farts stink but I still love you’- made the more embarrassing that his parents saw it.

He then said he’d booked a table for us to have a roast - this was at a carvery chain where we had to sit in a dedicated kids area with a play area (no use for DS at this stage), kids running amok and a load of noise so we couldn’t hear each other speak. Really stressful and not at all relaxing.

DP thinks I’m being ungrateful, said he sorted a card, flowers and a meal so ‘what more could I want’?

Yes, you're being unreasonable. Sounds like he organised things and you've been quite bratty about it.

Is it bratty to want a card with happy Mother’s Day on it, rather than something about farting?

really?

Honestly I can't believe the moaning that goes on about Mother's day.

Do you normally make jokes between you? If so then maybe he just felt you would find the card amusing.
As you have a young child then a lot of places will place you in the children's area of restaurants, adult only groups could find your toddler annoying and therefore it works well for a business to have separate areas for those with children and those without.

You got a card and a meal out.
What would you have preferred?
I don’t think men see these kind of days as very important so generally put minimal effort in. At least he tried.
Is it really a massive issue?

It's not the card she would have chosen, but it is a mother's day card. And also flowers, and a meal out in a child friendly place. So yes, I'd say so.

I’d be very disappointed with this too - what a horrible card Espec for your 1st Mother’s Day :( a chain carvery with loads of kids running around is awful too - you’ll have plenty of year ahead for those places your little one is older but they are hideous !

Maybe some people just have higher standards for being appreciated for what they do 🤷‍♀️

All I got was a card. It stings that he thought to do something but chose to do so little.

Explain how a card about farts is a mother’s day card

It’s the first one, so to expect perfection is a bit off.
Its ok to say what you’d like for mothers day
It’s ok for him to have guessed wrong, and for you to say thank you while also saying next year let’s not come here again or next year I’d like a card with a picture of DS on it.

What did you say about it for him to say you’re being ungrateful? I think it’s fair to say hey I’m not into novelty cards, I’d rather have something more traditional. It’s fair to say, appreciate the thought, but let us try somewhere else to eat next year.

I can’t really say if you are being unreasonable or not. It depends what you said to him about what he did do? He could be over reacting to gentle feedback or you could be sulking and throwing a strop. What is the dynamic?

As context, does he live up to expectations for birthdays and Christmas?

I think lots of partners are crap at mothers day. Not sure why.

The card could have been chosen better. The meal - having to sit in the family area in some places when you have a child is just how it is, and something you all just remember to ask about next time before booking.

Sounds like a lovely Mother’s Day and one a lot of women would dream about. The card was a little thoughtless but everything else sounds lovely. He thought about you, bought you a gift, wrote a card and planned a meal.

Yep unreasonable and ungrateful. Now he knows not to bother next year.

What is your usual meal out?
Where do you go out to eat?
Is a comic card usual fir him?

It's called ungrateful. If she'd got him a father's day card (one he thought wasn't good enough), a bunch of flowers and took him and the children out to lunch at a child friendly place... and he then moaned that she didn't make an effort.... he'd be called ungrateful and she'd be told to tell him to fuck off and not bother next time.

Do you usually go high end gastro pub so it is step down?

I feel you, on my first Mother’s Day last year I got a generic card (that had nothing to do with Mothers Day) and only after I pushed for it, this year nothing at all. But I got a lovely card from DS he made at nursery which got a special place in our home :)

I for one do not dream about a farts and a carvery

Where did you want to go to eat and wound it be child friendly. Dumb card but not unforgivable. I actually think it's so awful that it's funny . Flowers that he forgot to take price off no big deal either. What would you have wanted ?

I don't appreciate fart jokes so I wouldn't have loved the card, but the rest sounds good- flowers and a meal out (I don't think it's his fault that there was noise in the children's area at a family restaurant..) what was it you wanted that you didn't get? And what did you do for Father's Day?

You will match his effort and energy for Father’s Day?

YANBU op. It’s a piss poor effort.

On paper I don’t think this sounds terrible so I wonder OP whether it’s more about HOW he’s been that what he’s done? Eg has he been unhelpful or sulky, or not shown you enough appreciation and respect (in general) as the mother of his child?

I feel like in a happy relationship a slightly crappy meal out and some flowers and a card are the sort of thing you can laugh off. If you feel it’s symptomatic of him not giving a crap about you outside of MD that’s different.