AIBU to feel disappointed by DP’s ‘effort’ on my first Mother's Day?

[Newmum255]

Just looking for some second opinions really. DP thinks I’m being ungrateful and have too high expectations because of social media.

Today was my first Mother’s Day, I was really excited. I’d made a big effort for DP’s first Father’s Day last June.

His parents came round this morning, at which point I was presented with some flowers which still had the price tag on and a card. I opened the card, and rather than a nice personalised one from my DS (as I’d got him, one with photos on) it was a novelty card which said ‘your farts stink but I still love you’- made the more embarrassing that his parents saw it.

He then said he’d booked a table for us to have a roast - this was at a carvery chain where we had to sit in a dedicated kids area with a play area (no use for DS at this stage), kids running amok and a load of noise so we couldn’t hear each other speak. Really stressful and not at all relaxing.

DP thinks I’m being ungrateful, said he sorted a card, flowers and a meal so ‘what more could I want’?

"Chavs" and "single mums"? Sounds like you got the Mother's day you deserve.

I worked in hospitality for many years OP. Mothers Day is a big thing, tables get booked up a long time ahead, there are often special menus or 'gifts' for the Mum. Men need to plan ahead and those that don't have to book the less popular places which still have tables available. Father's day is not nearly as big. We had normal bookings, couples, families, elderly friends not really families bringing dad out for a treat.... So if your partner didn't plan well in advance you know why he booked where he did.

I'd just be pleased he got you anything at all. We didn't bother until the children were big enough to make their own cards....

‘Full of chavs and single mums’ ugh, no I’m not with you anymore, what a gross attitude

I'd have been very unimpressed with the card.
Your chavs and single mums comment is unnecessary and spiteful.

So you’re a snob generally. You got the Mother’s Day you deserved

I’m sorry but I’ve completely lost any sympathy for you. “Chavs and single mums”?

Have a good look at yourself and your values.

I’m very happy to be a single mother to my two very lovely teenage children. Being a single parent in no way means I have lower standards for myself or them.

Oh dear. You've overshot.

I'd be disappointed with this too. There's nothing wrong with wanting something more thoughtful from someone who is supposed to know what you like and don't like.

The card isn't funny. Mother's Day cards aren't supposed to be funny. The choice of restaurant wasn't very thoughtful either. The OP's child must be a baby still as it's her first Mother's Day. A baby doesn't need a play area.

At least he tried and did arrange something even if it wasn't quite as hoped. It wasn't a complete disaster.

Be honest with him say thanks for organising lunch. Perhaps next year we could try somewhere a bit quieter as we couldn't talk very well (although next year you'll have a toddler so you might want a play area). I'm not sure how to approach the fart card though other than presenting him with a stupid card for his next celebration in return.

Seems like you got the Mother’s Day you deserve, you sound vile.

YABU

They only moan about Mothering Sunday because it's far too early to be moaning about Christmas!

Chavs and single mums, eh?

Stop walking around like your farts don't stink....

A shit card and a shit meal out.
YANBU OP.

Was thinking the same myself.

Yeah op is farrr too good to eat with plebs like single mums

The chain carvery sounds grim & not really a treat. Tell him you expect a decent meal out next year. Nothing wrong with high expectations by the way.

In another year you will be grateful for a carvery chain with a kids' play area, rather than trying to amuse a toddler in a gastropub restaurant.

Of course you are upset.

I got a “mum” card rather than it saying “first” or “mummy” he got me an Easter egg. Yes I like chocolate but I buy myself Easter eggs all the time once they start being sold so it’s nothing special.

I ended up ordering myself a photo printed on wood of me and my daughter from the day.

He has gotten better ish. What has been hard for me is that for all the years we have been together (19 at the time now 22) he was always great with cards and gifts.

It’s about thought and effort, not necessarily the card/gift. And no thought was put into this.

This post sums up everything I loathe about mothers day
I’m a single mum and went for an extremely middle class farm shop breakfast with avocado and smoked salmon and sourdough bread
because that’s what my mum wanted, I’m more than confident I don’t need a designated day to know my 3 boys love me very much

Damn those ‘chavs and single mums’, eh? Clearly not the right kind of mothers.🙄

I felt quite sorry for @Newmum255 until I read her most recent reply.

I know, I did at first too.

Because it does sound like a crappy card and not a very nice place to go for lunch, at least when you’ve got a baby who doesn’t yet need a place to run around.

Now you have a dilemma, OP. I had one like that, who made zero effort for Mother’s Day. I ended up divorcing him, for much bigger reasons than only that, so now, as mentioned, I am a single mum. So you can either stick with this prince amongst men, or become a single mum too.

Only difference is, I don’t think that’s a shameful thing to be!

YABU. You are not DP’s mother! Mother’s Day is really about kids appreciating their mothers. Yours is clearly too young!

I find this expectation that husbands should be rushing out buying Mother’s Day gifts for their wives rather odd.

You are being ungrateful. Card and flowers were totally fine.

If you dont pike the carvery suggest other places in future or perhaps that was in his budget

Social media and all these influencer types have a lot to answer for. In fact, everyday people I know that post the picture-perfect birthday, Mother’s Day etc. It’s for show half the time. I think your partner has done well to book a meal out, buy you flowers and mark the day. Mother’s Day for me is about the small things - the homemade presents and cards and the wee nik-naks made at school/nursery.