AIBU to feel disappointed by DP’s ‘effort’ on my first Mother's Day?

[Newmum255]

Just looking for some second opinions really. DP thinks I’m being ungrateful and have too high expectations because of social media.

Today was my first Mother’s Day, I was really excited. I’d made a big effort for DP’s first Father’s Day last June.

His parents came round this morning, at which point I was presented with some flowers which still had the price tag on and a card. I opened the card, and rather than a nice personalised one from my DS (as I’d got him, one with photos on) it was a novelty card which said ‘your farts stink but I still love you’- made the more embarrassing that his parents saw it.

He then said he’d booked a table for us to have a roast - this was at a carvery chain where we had to sit in a dedicated kids area with a play area (no use for DS at this stage), kids running amok and a load of noise so we couldn’t hear each other speak. Really stressful and not at all relaxing.

DP thinks I’m being ungrateful, said he sorted a card, flowers and a meal so ‘what more could I want’?

The card is grim. The meal and flowers sound OK. Is he quite young? He sounds immature.

The card is baffling. Is he usually like that?

The rest sounds ok.

It's ridiculous isn't it.

I think he did try, but he hit the wrong tone. Now is not the time to address that, but be thankful that you did get flowers, a card and a meal. Next year, in say, February, tell him that you actually feel quite soppy about mother’s day and be clear what you would actually prefer.

Another thread where some mothers compete with one another about accepting the lowest possible standards possible.

YANBU about the card. Maybe a bit precious about the meal - but then personally I like a meal out with little ones even if they're not actually eating!

Same here. If my DH had bought a card about farts for mother’s day I would have ripped it up in front of him.

Well he did make an effort to plan something, it just didn’t meet your standards. Does he have a point about your social media expectations? Personally I’m happy with anything on Mother’s Day. The best things are homemade gifts or something heartfelt written in a card (appreciate yours is too little for this). Some people get nothing at all.

Sounds shit tbh. My OH did something really crappy one year for my birthday. I told him it was shit and that I had out much more effort in for him, he stated that he never asked me to (accepted it though and never said not to!) I went cold on him for about 2 years and still return the energy that he gave me that year for his birthday, Christmas and Father’s Day. Before that I spent 10 years baking his favourite cake, putting up balloons, fully planning things, spending lots of money. He licks my arse now, I got new shoes, dinner cooked, chocolates, special cards etc this year. Another 8 years and we should be straight. Yes it’s ridiculous, no I don’t care, I’m hard now.

But you must be grateful for a card made at school and a hug obviously. Whilst you do everything for everyone for the rest of your life amen.

YANBU. That card is absolutely mortifying. And a chain carvery meal where you can’t hear each other speak sounds dreadful.

Yep. “I would have been happy with a bogey and a cup of tea.” Fuck off Janice, I sort everyone’s life out every single day. I want some good shit and I don’t care how grabby it sounds.

The card was vulgar and inappropriate imo, tell him to ditch the toilet humour and attempt to act like an adult. No doubt he’ll be telling you he “tried” so tell him to raise the bar next year and try harder. I wouldn’t have liked a chain carvery either.

YANBU - Is your dp normally good for birthday/Christmas gifts?

What a miserable existence. If you have that level of contempt for each other just split up.

I think some people do think about it differently though. I honestly think it's more of a marketing day (I'm quite anti Valentine's too 😆). It may sound a bit bah humbug but I think it leads to such high emotions in people - in this situation one party does think they've made an effort and the other thinks it's awful.

I have teens and I am aware that they don't always show us in the way we 'want' and partners can get it wrong. But if they are generally showing me love, kindness and respect on a day to day basis then surely that's better than the right card and bunch of flowers?

Did he want to celebrate at all? I didn't get the concept of pretending to have mother's day or father's day till older DC was at least 2 and vaguely able to make it from them.

If DH had expected a song and dance from me on Father's Day when DC1 was still a baby I'd have been fairly bemused and probably not met any expectations.

Hmm…I’m not particularly bothered about Mother’s Day. Certainly the card and flowers I would have been fine with. If it would please me, I’d get myself a present and pay with DH’s credit card and I’d tell him the restaurant I’d prefer. But really it’s a pretty meaningless day. If your DH (and kids when they’re older) don’t appreciate and value you, that’s a problem. Not making a big deal of Mother’s Day isn’t a problem. I’m not sure why you made a big deal of Father’s Day, that’s even more pointless 😆

It’s the card that would have really pissed me off. Just not appropriate for Mother’s Day. Is he usually such an immature twat?

I recon you just need to have a chat about expectations around Mother’s Day, Father’s Day etc. If having a certain type of card, going out for a meal etc is important to you then just explain that.

I can remember my first Mother’s Day. Myself and all the mum’s I knew from baby groups sat around moaning about how disappointed we were. For lots of different reasons. I can remember thinking that I would have loved some of the things/gestures they were moaning about. I think I clicked at that point that I should just be honest going forward. My kids are 7 & 8. Today I had a long lie, couple of handmade cards, and we all went out for breakfast. Bliss in my eyes.

I’m surprised at how many people think this is fine. I’m with you, op, sounds utterly shit.

Thanks for the replies, just to cover a few things:

-The card didn’t even mention Mother’s Day, and we don’t do those type of cards usually.

-For Father’s Day, I got him a personalised card, his favourite chocolates, and we had a meal at a country pub.

-The carvery we went to today is renown for being cheap, ‘pile it high’ and as expected, full of chavs and single mums letting their kids run riot whilst they stuffed their faces.

@Newmum255is this unusually thoughtless of your dp?

It’s a made up day specifically designed to make you spend money on pointless things. Ok so the card isn’t the best but whichever way you cut it this nonsense about it being a lovely card from your DS is ridiculous…it’s from your DP and will be for a few years. You then got flowers and a meal out, forgetting the price tag is hardly the crime of the century is it.

Thank Christ I don’t live like this. Absolutely miserable.Punishing someone for years.

Ooof OP ‘single mums letting their kids run riot’ really? I was on board with you until that……you sound pretty unpleasant too!

Chavs and single mums says a lot about you. Unnecessary and uncalled for.