4 children, no happy Mother’s Day

[bytheway9]

Just feeling a bit unappreciated about that.
Usually I get a card or some flowers which dh would have bought with them and always make the effort for Father’s Day but this year nothing.
I thought one of them might have uttered the words Happy Mother’s Day.

Well there is the problem. They regard you as a skivvy who does their bidding. And you go along with it.

I would not tolerate being treated like this any day of the year. Its just rude.

And I would have made it clear I expected something for Mother's day. And I would do that because I want them to understand how successful relationships work. They rely on gratitude and appreciation and engaging in the celebrations that are conventional in your culture.

If you want them to grow into people who appreciate others and form good relationships you have to teach them how to do that in their childhood. Its why I am so clear with my children about them showing appreciation and doing something for Mother's Day.

Pay it forward and do sweet FA for Father’s Day

I’m sorry you’ve had this too. I tried not to let it upset me, but then wherever I looked this morning, there were little kids and their dads clutching bunches of flowers. Even a quid bunch of daffs from Tesco would have been something.
sending solidarity.

It might still be coming Op. A cake and card or similar.

It would be odd for your DD to mention it then forget by the next day ...

Yeah sometimes you do need to be a bit forthright with these things. I told DH I was having a lie in. I then text him to bring me coffee when I woke. There’s no way either of those things would have happened if I hadn’t directly told him what I wanted (!)
I’ve put my feet up and reminded the kids that it’s Mother’s Day and I’m having a rest today because I work very hard for them…. It doesn’t hurt to remind them of all you do. They need to learn that the relationship is two way!

I've lost count of the number of replies you've had urging you to make a stand for yourself, OP, and you've basically ignored every one of them. Your thread was an opportunity for you to learn something about yourself that would have an impact on your self-esteem in the future, not to mention how your family system works (against you). But you're so attached to denying yourself, you can't make use of the insight you're being offered.

The only glimmer of hope is that you know there's something wrong, or else you wouldn't have started the thread. But it seems like you'll be stopping that penny from dropping for a lot of 'Mothers Days' to come. Such a pity, particularly for your young daughters, who need to learn to value themselves too. You could show them.

I dread to think what your husband is neglecting to teach your son at times like this.

Seriously?? Must be a man. You know nothing of the OP's situation or life. What a horrible comment.

😁 😁

YABU, only because you are whinging in here and running round after them instead of telling them to their faces how disappointed you are.

From your posts it seems you are acting as a skivvy for the family and do the all the admin , and haven't called them out on it, so I'm not sure what made you think today would be any different.

If you don't want to go out, and least just make yourself a drink or something and go and lie on the bed with a book or magazine,

More fool you if you carry on running around after them.

They are all watching a film together in the lounge while I run around doing everything for them as they call out for me to get lunch ready and bring drinks in

why are you indulging them, including your H?

they will turn into selfish adults if you continue to enable selfish behaviour during their formative years.

this is down to you.

and your H should have got off his useless backside and arranged things with each of your children. He's part of the problem! You both need to parent.

The bottom line is that if you don't say something, then you're basically expecting them all to mindread. I know lots of people will say they should know, but if you've been a martyr and never told them, how do they know?

My DM always wafts of burning martyr and basically gets ignored. It's very tedious getting told off for something you never knew you were expected to do. Plus if you do the thing at the right time, she's not particularly grateful. I think she prefers to be the victim.

(And yes, DF was useless but he's not been around for many years.)

I wonder why you might think it is her responsibility to get her husband and children to appreciate her ? Seems like the ultimate woman's work!

Are you seriously no going to say something. I would of said something after about 10 minutes if I wasn't given a card and nobody said happy mothers day. Use your words

Do they need to?

It's all over the TV, in newspapers, magazines and there are displays in every supermarket.

Even a blind man on a galloping horse couldn't be unaware of it !

Yeah because 5 year olds are always reading newspapers and magazines. My 5 year old loves nothing more then getting up and reading the business section while drinking her morning coffee

All the people saying do nothing for Father"s day...would the dad's care?
I don't think dh would. Maybe he does enjoy it? He's wouldn't sulk if we all forgot, he probably wouldn't even know himself.

Anyway, I just feel that's not the punishment some posters think it is.

In a lot of houses, it's the mum that does the lions share of the parenting, and sometimes the cooking too. So it's one day that mums needs to be appreciated imo. However they want that to be...a card, present etc.

My children are 5, 8 and 10, they all made hand made cards at school and chose gifts that school organised (parent's paid for them) it was a lovely idea, especially for single mums who don't have a husband to sort something. Why haven't your primary aged children done something in school? My husband also got them to chose a card from all of them and my favourite chocolates. They made me breakfast in bed (well my husband did) and left me to lie in. Can't believe your children's school or husband didn't do anything to help your children organise something. The older one could have got you a card themselves. It's shit all round.

No-one loves a martyr.

Because its so important to her. And obviously not to him.

So she should be vocal and active about getting things set up for herself. Instead of relying on someone else.

People treat you how you let them. It is not victim-blaming to say this. You need to stand in front of that screen, turn off the film and say it’s Mother’s Day, what have you lot done about it?

Your husband should have been organising this sort of thing for at least 13 years now. He and your older two children need a bollocking.

What has happened on previous years OP? Are you normally the house slave so today is just another day? Is this unusual behaviour?

More importantly, are you going to take on any of the comments and actually assert yourself?

Sit down stop running round for a minute make yourself a cup of tea and in front of husband and eldest ( others a bit young tbh ) say happy Mother’s Day to me now you can do the washing up! And next year don’t let your husband off

Well, there's your problem. If you usually "do it all", when is anyone teaching them how to look after themselves and others? Or have they just learned that 'mums do everything' and they needn't bother?

I'd take it a stage further and do buggerall for the lot of them for a few days.

Then when you get "where's my clean shirt/dinner money/biscuits/PE kit ?"
Say "I don't know. Maybe with my card and pressy for Mother's Day?"

( I'm not nice sometimes 😁)

I have to say I feel a little like you this year.

I have two adult DD's. Neither of them live at home. I have had Facetime calls this morning individually from each and both of them said 'Happy Mothers Day' first before we continued with our chats.

However I have had no cards, no flowers, and no gifts.

My DH hasn't mentioned anything about it so its just a normal day here and I have just been sat here, thinking about my own Mum, who passed away suddenly a couple of years ago, and how much I loved Mothers Day because it was my chance to spoil her a little, to say thank you for everything she does for me, and to show her how special she is.

I also went on Facebook and saw a post from friends of ours gushing about his wife and thanking her for being an outstanding mother to their children. My family have never been 'facebook gushers' and neither have I, we just don't do that kind of thing. However I found myself feeling a little sad and unappreciated today although I know its silly. I know my girls love me, and I know my DH loves and appreciates me. I guess its just nice to be told sometimes and to be made to feel it.

I have just been on Amazon and ordered myself some pink prosecco and chocolates to arrive tomorrow.

Happy Mothers Day OP and to all other mothers feeling a little underwhelmed today.