4 children, no happy Mother’s Day

[bytheway9]

Just feeling a bit unappreciated about that.
Usually I get a card or some flowers which dh would have bought with them and always make the effort for Father’s Day but this year nothing.
I thought one of them might have uttered the words Happy Mother’s Day.

Why don't you say something instead of stewing and being their maid?

Hey, did you guys forget it's Mother's Day?

Simple and clear.

Why the fuck are you running around waiting on them while they watch a film?

You get what you tolerate.

Where is DH? Visiting his own Mum? Playing golf? Doing an 'outing' hobby?

Stop skivvying around for a start. Put your coat and boots on, and go out for a walk. On the way, buy yourself some flowers, wine, a nice ready meal and chocolates. When you get home, take yourself up to your room and watch something on TV that you want to watch. If they ask what you're doing, tell them you are intending to enjoy Mother's Day.

Right. Take yourself off to a shop which you like and buy something fabulous for yourself. Take your time and have coffee and cake. Let them sort themselves out. And don’t you dare celebrate Fathers Day!

I’d be out of there off to do my own thing, phone off. Let them work it out. From really small the kids made a real fuss about it. Minimum requirement. Martydom serves no purpose that I can fathom.

Sorry you’re being a martyr not mentioning it and running around like a servant. Tell them you’re heading out for a few hours for your own Mother’s Day treat and you’ll see them later.

go shopping, to the cinema, anything…

Agree with others who say do nothing for Father’s Day. Don’t even mention it.

I agree, and the children are young, the dh needs to do it. I got asked by my oldest, "when is kids day?" I replied with the same sentence of years past, "It's kids day everyday." He still wasn't buying into it. I used to put so much effort in for my parents (because I wanted to), it is sad. Most of us only have expectations of a card and a hug, some acknowledgement and it isn't much to ask.

Op, I think you need to tell you dh, it's mother's day, you're doing this, and now you can make me a coffee.

Sorry but I feel appreciation sometimes has to be taught. It goes against the grain to say 'what about me'? But also if the kids are not taught to appreciate their parents how can they appreciate others in their adult world. I was laughing with one of my daughters today about at Pasta picture she made me a few years ago when she was 17! Yes it might seem like something a young child would have done but it took her HOURS and I really loved that she'd put that effort and thought into it. It's upstairs in the loft in my memory box. It remains one of my favourite ever gifts.

I kind of disagree. Forget relying on the DH. OP you need to start guiding the children while they are young. No good for today but might be useful for the future.

Give them some money to buy you flowers, card, chocolate or whatever it is that you want. Stand outside the shop while they go inside and make the purchases and bag them up. They can then 'surprise' you with it on the day.

Or provide them with craft items to sit down one afternoon and make you a card for the upcoming event. They can put it away and present it to you on the day. Or maybe get them ingredients to bake or cook something for you.

In time they'l come to realise how important it is to you and will hopefully remember and get on with it themselves.

Make sure they know the date in advance too.

What if you do teach it though, and one child does and one doesn't?

I don’t understand why you’re not saying anything. It’s game playing. Announce that its Mother’s Day, that they know that or should have remembered and ask them what are they going to do. Have you not talked about it with them, discussed what you would like as a gift or what you would like to do. It’s like you don’t want to get it sorted, have them apologise and have a nice day. Like you’d rather be a martyr. Bloody tell them you expect better.

One year I lost my shit when not one had bought or made me a card, or brought me a cuppa or anything, and I laid it out VERY clearly.

"On Mother's Day I want, as a base line, a card and a bunch of daffodils. The Co-op is 300 yards away and sells both cards and daffs at 99p. If, between the 4 of you, you cannot manage 50p each and the 5 minutes to fetch them and write the card, I think you need to take a good, hard look at yourselves."

There was a lot of foot shuffling and ashamed looks but they've never ignored it again. And usually they're very thoughtful.

Speak up for yourself, @bytheway9 !

All of which is something her husband should have done. Why is it the woman’s job to teach children this? Both parents should be responsible for teaching children the importance of particular dates and how to show appreciation.

When it comes to Mother’s Day her husband should be the one taking the lead. Not her.

That still doesn't answer the question why you are running around after them and not saying anything!

What is your husband's take on it all? Why hasn't he stepped up and organised something? Did he get his own mother a card or gift?

You sound like a slave not a Mum. Quit with the running round after them. I was in charge of getting my own juice as soon as I could reach the tap 😆.

FFS stop being a martyr. Tell your husband to organise lunch, tea drinks etc.

I put so much effort into making things special for everyone else for birthdays and Christmas and Father’s Day but it’s only because I usually do it all.
@bytheway9 well that stops right now then!

tell H that you’re not impressed by his lack of effort for you with the kids and you’ll be matching the energy from now on. Your kids are learning from him to do the bare minimum

Sometimes you have to ask for what you really want. There is no shame in it. Don't feel sorry for yourself, be active and vocal about what you want.

Set an example for your children too, don't be passive. If you want something, make it happen.

And get the kids to help with lunch, dinner daily. Small tasks for the younger ones too. You'l be doing them a favour by teaching them how to start being self sufficient.

Happened just now! My son has just admitted that he forgot (he's 19). I hugged him but told him that it was ok to be late but could he remember to do something in the coming week otherwise I would feel hurt. I have no idea if this is the 'right' way but as a single parent his absent father isn't going to encourage him. Frustratingly I will still ensure that he buys his blasted father a present as I feel it's important to learn this skill even if I have to do this with a false smile plastered on my face and through gritted teeth!!!

Sorry that was aimed at @WhatwillitTake

Use this as a teachable moment for your future 40 yr old children. If this happened to one of your children what would you want them to do about it? Take themselves out by themselves? Make themselves comfortable at home and make it clear they won't run around for the rest of the family? I'm guessing, it won't be to swallow it down, martyr themselves and have a quiet cry while not tackling it. What would you suggest your child should do to save mother's day for herself? Have a think then take your own advice and do that.

we don’t go into motherhood because we want cards and presents, OP!! The joy of servitude should be enough for you! That’s a woman’s role after all, what’s wrong with you?? @bytheway9
Get cracking make their lunch…and they could probably do with you making them some nice homemade snacks for while they are watching the film also

@bytheway9

you might not like it, but your kids probably would