AIBU to want to sell my house and daughter wants continue to rent it ?

[Chloe2434]

This is difficult to to decide.

my daughter is 42, working with 2 children ( my lovely grandchildren) One has anxiety problems, young teenager. daughter has rented my house for 6 years. I did want to sell my rental house previously but my daughter wanted lower rent and asked to rent mine for a while. Its now been six year, i charge low obviously.
iv been diagnosed with a slow growing cancer and explained to her i want to sell it and release some capital so i can do a few things while I am still relatively healthy, my daughter has called me selfish, “ I'm throwing my grandchildren children out etc ‘ it’s causing us to argue and the guilt gets to me, as to be honest she is single and rents are hard aren’t they for single parents.

I was wondering about something similar to this. Roughly speaking, could your DD living in your house afford to buy half of it - her sister’s half? She would pay you, for now. She would continue to live there, and her sister (only) would get a cash inheritance from the sale when you die, or sooner if you want.

Some adjustments need to be made for the present and future value of money, and the amount of capital you wish to draw upon needs to come equally from both their inheritances, but a professional could arrange this.

OP, you say your cancer is slow growing. I very much hope you have a chance for a cure or at least that it can be managed for a good long time. DF has had small lung metastases managed by periodic radiation for about 15 years now, with his original tumour long gone. He no longer plays tennis but he goes to the gym twice a week, and he is 90!

My mum was a single mum (well widowed when I was 9) and we lived in a house owned by my grandparents and paid low rent. I ended up with dreadful anxiety and depression as a teenager and wouldn't have coped if my grandparents had thrown me out of my childhood home to sell it. Thankfully they never did and I am beyond grateful for everything they have done for me. To this day they are my rock.

Obviously, as an adult I can see it from both perspectives and have sympathy for you and am ever so sorry to hear about your illness. However, I'm not sure your grandchildren will have the emotional maturity to process such a change and may feel betrayed.

Your daughter is being incredibly selfish! You rented the house to her for low rent for ages.
Sell the house, enjoy your life.You don[t have to give your very ungrateful daughter any explanation!

Calling you selfish when she is trying to deny you the chances of wanting to do XYZ whilst you can just because she wants her rent kept low and throwing in some blackmail using your DGC aswell.

She will be eligible even now. As long as the property wasn’t purchased solely to rent to the dd she can claim the housing part of Uc.

Since op originally lived there, a different tenant and the sister all before the current Dd as long as she has a proper tenancy agreement she will get it on her claim.

I'm struggling to think what could make a 42 year old woman this this arrangement should continue when my mother has cancelled and wants the money.

I'm not surprised she objects! She's really sitting pretty at the moment, being subsidised by you. Time for her to stand on her own two feet methinks.

Can you not sell this house, buy a smaller one that she can rent from you?

@Chloe2434 have you considered getting a mortgage yourself?

It would have to be a buy-to-let mortgage of course, and your daughter would have to have a formal tenancy agreement, but it could release some of the capital for you.

It leaves the OP vulnerable if anything happened with her relationship and living with her partner though.

You are not selfish at all. You are very kind and generous.

Selfish means - of a person, action, or motive - lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.

You ahve been incredibly kind to your daughter who sounds very entitled.

You must live your best life, your daughter is middle aged and has o stand on her own two feet.

I think the OP wants to downsize as well as release some funds for travel.
If her current relationship fails she will be left vulnerable, with nowhere to live, while battling cancer. Too risky imo.

I think it's important you live the best life you can now, while you can, and tell your daughter, much as you love her and your grandchildren, she needs to take some responsibility for her life.

I would be looking along these lines

Do you actually realise how hard it might be for a lone parent with kids to save money ?

What would?

I'm suggesting it as an alternative to selling up. It would leave the OP much less vulnerable, surely.

But the other suggestion, of selling part of the house to DD is a good one too (if op's daughter can do it).

I think selling either the whole house or a share of it to the daughter living in it would be the best option if she can raise a deposit and mortgage.

However if not, would some kind of equity release scheme be feasible?

You would get a payout, she could continue to live there and pay rent, and you would retain ownership of the house for the rest of your life, after which it would be sold and any proceeds distributed accordingly.

Could your daughter not look into buying the house

You have Cancer. You do not need this emotional blackmail. She is an adult. You should absolutely live your life. Cancer or not.

It depends on the value of the house and her full financial profile, but this is potentially a very good point.

Looking into tenant buying - not sure how it works but could be a way for you to sell it to your daughter that works for both of you

You can't get a buy to let mortgage if you're renting the house to relatives

Sell your house and do what you want. I think your plan is a good one about buying smaller and taking some cash out to travel.

I’m going to be blunt… your DD is manipulative and needs to be a grown up and stand on her own two feet. I am projecting from my personal life as my sister is your DD and my mum supported her in one way or another her entire life. Then my mum died and my sister truly fell off of the rails as a 55 yo woman who had never had navigate life on her own.

OP has already said there's months when eldest doesn't pay the extremely low rent. She's a bad risk for nonpayment and OP knows that.

Eldest is willing to guilt trip her own mom who has cancer.

OP holding the mortgage means eldest will own the home and not pay at times because she is already doing that.

Eldest's lifestyle is not sustainable at this level. It would require completely fucking over youngest and that's unacceptable. It's also not sustainable because eldest doesn't have the resources to maintain a house. If she can't pay regular rent or buy food, how will she afford plumbing or heating or electrical major repairs?

OP offered her 15k. She can find a rental and work to improve her income.

Ah ok. I missed that update post

Would part selling the house release enough funds for the OP to buy the downsized property and have her money that she wants to live a little with? This is what the OP wants to do, let's not forget. And I don't think the OP can get another mortgage, she gave up work through ill health if I remember right.

I would very much doubt it. It will leave her vulnerable, with nowhere to go if she and her partner ended things - all the while battling cancer. This is not a good situation to risk.